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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Tinder Temptresses Unite....It's Dating Thread 106

999 replies

PrizeyPrize · 10/07/2016 15:24

The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

OP posts:

Thread gallery

SkyRabbit · 10/07/2016 22:34

Def red flag not misunderstanding at that stage of a relationship .
At that early a phase, it's all about control and domination , but without th mutual understanding and respect that comes of a proper Dom/sub relationship.
Think you might've had a lucky escape with that one!

NowWhat1983 · 10/07/2016 22:36

Maybe. I thought he was just going to be something to do this summer though. Now not even that.

starskey80 · 10/07/2016 23:04

No no no to the name calling in bed, what the fuck like!!!!
You're well rid girl, well rid!

I love hair pulling, but just a firm 'tug' if ya get me, that's sexy, and a slap on the bum.... Nothing more than that for me.

NowWhat1983 · 10/07/2016 23:30

He did stop it as soon as I told him no.

Excited101 · 11/07/2016 00:13

I'd like to tentatively join in too please...

I've been failing at online dating for the last 2 years, I've also tried, brothers of friends (said yes to date, then went quiet, then said yes again then said no, then got a girlfriend. Got to hang out with them Friday night, that was fun, not.) Friend of friend- he hunted me down, seemed as keen as anything, one date- brilliant, 2 date awful but gave him another chance, 3rd date really good but texting less... 4th am pretty sure was more of a booty call and then shock horror ex girlfriend on the scene and he needs to 'support her because she'd going through a tough time'...

I've resubscribed to Match but don't seem to have much luck and no-one seems to message on Tinder anymore...

Excited101 · 11/07/2016 00:15

I've been called 'dirty bitch' in bed too, I hate it actually. I'm no prude and like a bum slap and hair pull etc. I also love the chat in bed but not being called names like that.

NowWhat1983 · 11/07/2016 00:21

I hated it. The chat went a bit far and he stopped as soon as I said I didnt like it. But even so.

singleandfabulous · 11/07/2016 00:54

Welcome polka

Yay! Sparkles - he sounds great & really into you.

Audidriver has been texting all night again. Im hoping now that the European cup has finished he'll be available once again. If not then Im going to have to break it to him that Im not looking for a penpal i want a shag!

singleandfabulous · 11/07/2016 00:56

Nowwhat1983 that would've put me right off him. I wouldnt accept that even from a long term partner. just turns me off.

NowWhat1983 · 11/07/2016 00:58

It did put me off.

I wanted a shag and now ended up liking him thoguh

starskey80 · 11/07/2016 07:28

But nowwhat you weren't sure you liked him that much.....are you sure it's not just the sting of him going quite that's getting to you, rather than actually liking him???

You'll be fine soon either way hun.
He didn't know you. So he's not really rejected you.
And you didn't really know him, so nothing to miss.

I felt exactly the same after my ghosting, really did. But I genuinely felt much better after the second week of no contact. You will too.

starskey80 · 11/07/2016 07:30

Oops sorry lads, I dropped a 'hun' in there.
Please forgive

RosettaPebble · 11/07/2016 09:27

Haha cardinal mn sin starskey with the hun.

nowwhat it's so shit when they ghost. In a perverse way we start to almost like them more as we get indignant. In my case I think "but I am good enough for you, please see that I'm good enough for you and validate my worth" the truth is as starskey says. He couldn't reject you because he didn't actually know you.

Pigeon314 · 11/07/2016 11:32

I'd instantly drop anybody who was turned on by calling me a bitch or a whore or whatever. NO, not for me AT ALL. I want to be told how fabulous I am.

NowWhat1983 · 11/07/2016 12:10

But nowwhat you weren't sure you liked him that much.....are you sure it's not just the sting of him going quite that's getting to you, rather than actually liking him???

Absolutely Im sure that's the case. He was so nice. Other than calling me bitch which I nipped in the bud...he was all you're gorgeous, youre beautiful, you're worth it (when he had to drive me home).

After date 1...he went out of his way to see me again. After date 2...he said keep in touch....wtf. Only hours earlier he was talking of saturday as a potential.

NowWhat1983 · 11/07/2016 12:13

nowwhat it's so shit when they ghost. In a perverse way we start to almost like them more as we get indignant. In my case I think "but I am good enough for you, please see that I'm good enough for you and validate my worth

Oh yes that is it exactly.

I am also 3 years older which made me a bit insecure.

Also i lost my job not long ago. He was cool about it and I am in a highly skilled profession like him. So i dont think it was that.

What happened between toasting our second date and dropping me off.

polkadotrocks · 11/07/2016 12:23

I am so glad to have found this thread.

Two weeks out of a year long relationship. Shocked to find he had been lying and cheating from the off, while declaring undying love and promising me the earth.

Obviously I feel betrayed, cheated of our future plans and broken hearted. Also not sure how I trust anyone after this.

But....no contact, he begged me back. I said no. I don't love him now, just the man I thought he was.

So...I think I'm going to jump back into dating. Too soon?

Think it will be a good distraction. And to be honest, need an ego boost.

What do you think?

Neatfreak38 · 11/07/2016 12:34

Aaah I've been off here a few days..not only can I not see the old thread to see what's gone on but theirs a new one??!
I hope all is going well and everyone is happy?..can see some have right eejits to deal with though!

Update on me is..I was talking to 4..really liked 1 more than them all just from messaging..however went on a date with 1..v good date but didn't fancy him..I didn't hear from him despite getting home v late..he messaged me 3 days later asking to take me for dinner..I told him I wasn't sure how I felt and he said he was gutted but if I change my mind which helped with my whole 'it was a good date what did I do wrong ?! I ditched my other 2 as one boring and unable to commit to ever seeing me and the other just something, I don't know?!
My one I wanted to see went great! We really clicked and had a second date a couple of days later and my 3rd yesterday! Fab day & he ended up staying overnight! We have decided to try and make a go of things he's so so lovely..it all seems a bit too good to be true?!

Neatfreak38 · 11/07/2016 12:36

Polka dot I think you need to just see how you get on? Your gut will tell you whether you can deal with it or not..good luck it's nice to be told how lovely you are!

singleandfabulous · 11/07/2016 13:17

Sounds great Neatfreak38 enjoy it!

Get back on the horse Polka - what have you got to lose?

NowWhat1983 · 11/07/2016 13:40

If you want to Tinder torture yourself: add Flamite to your google chrome. It is the desktop version of Tinder. It tells you when they were last online.

Surgeon was last on at 1pm today.

Well. That is that then.

Having said that: I have always kept using it.

starskey80 · 11/07/2016 14:13

Ara. Fuck him.... Next!!!!

misszp · 11/07/2016 16:01

Can I join again :)

Nowhat I think you are well shot, even if he apologised, I think someone should always learn your boundaries without jumping into things like that.... Assumptions can do a lot of damage, so even if he was sorry, I still wouldn't like it at all.

Polkadot Sorry to hear of your break up. Keep busy, take time to yourself, and don't assume that launching yourself back into things will always stop the pain (believe me, I did that, and once things went quiet on the dating front, I suddenly was facing reality again!). However, that is me personally, and the actual online flirting etc was a distraction, just not the face to face bit, it was all too soon.

I matched with a guy on tinder a few weeks ago, who is a friend of friends. Met properly at the weekend for dinner, and spent the rest of the night chatting over drinks. I ended up staying at his (fully clothed, with nothing happening!), as it was so late and we were three bottles of wine in by the end of our date 7 hours later.... I also saw him the next night and again we did the same. He wants to go out again, fancies me, and wasn't expecting to gel so well with me so would like to see where things continue heading. Hes consistent with texting/meeting, seems honest and upfront, and I absolutely want to rip his clothes off.

BUT at the same time, he openly admits he 'enjoys dating and meeting people', he wants to travel as he has 'no ties to home at the moment and could potentially end up moving out there' etc. It is totally too early to tell where things will go, but how do I enjoy things for what they are right now (the sexual tension literally leaves me weak at the knees), but without investing massively to the point IF he does end up travelling/NWAR long term, that I end up feeling gutted?

misszp · 11/07/2016 16:03

ps neatfreak nice iron mongering! I would just enjoy things for what they are right now! :)

NowWhat1983 · 11/07/2016 16:21

Nowhat I think you are well shot, even if he apologised, I think someone should always learn your boundaries without jumping into things like that.... Assumptions can do a lot of damage, so even if he was sorry, I still wouldn't like it at all.

I was the aggressor, I was really up for it and I am quite naughty between the sheets

He liked it. But the second time together called me names dirty bitch

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