Tinder Temptresses Unite....It's Dating Thread 106

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Oh yay 314!! How exciting about MSG!! what have you got planned?

This thread keeps me very grounded. I'm a very anxious person and every time I go off on one thinking maybe I've done something wrong, I read all your responses and realise I'm not. So thank you! I am wondering whether he has an issue with confrontation. This is all starting to feel very similar to when I was with DDs dad. If he upset me and I brought it up he just went quiet, if it was via text I wouldn't get a response, if it was in person he'd just sit in silence and let me go off on one. It drove me up the wall.

Tempted to lock my phone in a draw for the day. Sick of checking it

Wow I really can't keep up with you all!!

Flip flop I'm so sorry to hear your date is being so daft? Personally I would have reacted exactly the same. Why behave like they do?

Glad to hear others dates are going ok..I'm useless with names..sorry for not specifying.

So I'm on date 4 tonight in the period of just over a week! He's so lovely and I'm generally excited now now nervous to see him! He's taking me for dinner then staying over (he stayed last time & he does about an hour away so easier)..he was a little slow off the mark in telling me how he felt. He's been better though & we've both said how happy we are to both be seeing each other! We've already arranged doing something at weekend so all good!

Neat and Starsky We have been chatting a few weeks, Saturday will be date #4. I don't feel like I need to know where I stand as such, it is too early, but it would be good to know what his hopes are from being on Tinder and having met me. We teased each other about it on our first date, and HE broached the subject and said he's 'open' to what and who comes along. He also said he is not after just casual, he has not given the vibe he is after that either, but is it too early to tell?

I think if he turned around and said he didn't want anything serious, I actually would be ok with that. Having said that, he is this cool, friendly, chiselled, god like human being of a man (oh gosh, those abs and that smile) and HE is the one actually showing more keen than me, so it is hard to stay level headed. He has so far shown himself to be a gentleman, I don't FEEL there are any games going on, so I will continue dating and see what happens.

Actually, I change my mind, I am WAY over thinking this, which for me, means I do like him, so MN please bring me back down to earth!

Polka take things easy and slow. Embrace the good things in life (friends, you time, family, hobbies etc) and try not to worry too much about filling the void your ex has left which you probably currently feel. It will heal naturally, with time, and patience, and self nurturing. I like to remember that sometimes we miss and love the person we THOUGHT someone was, not who they really are, and sometimes that just makes the blow a little easier, because eventually you realise you had a lucky escape. Hugs to you!

Flip Agree with other posters, bizarre behaviour. Your reply was probably spot on, but I almost feel like he is trying to make you needy... I would respond by going as quiet as he does.

314 good luck with date #5!

Bloody hell flip 10 dates in. You are never safe from this ghosting shit are you? Being phased out is just as destructive to your self esteem. Don't give him the chance love. He needs to work for you or ship out.

I think I have made another mammoth dating mistake. I downloaded one of those apps that shows you who has liked you on Tinder. All good, except I'm now wondering if all my previous matches had an app and only matched me because I had already liked them... Over thinking but it has taken the minuscule amount of fun that was matching out of it.
The amount of much older, beer bellied, lack of employment men that have liked me is also a little depressing.

I am an IDWAR but the people I have been chatting to over the past few days have made me aware just how much misogyny there is out there. It seems to be the norm on OLD.
One man has sent me a sweary aggressive rant about how this is why he is still single, all women are fucking mental. He is an IDWAR too. We were chatting very normally before that. He did say that one of his past dates had tried to commit suicide while she was out with him and another had tried to bite his toes off!!

Then I was messaged by a 35 year old who wanted to know if I would consider dating someone so young. I'm not looking for a husband and I'm 44. You would think I was a pensioner the way he went on. Men 15 or 20 years older than me feel oh so comfortable messaging me so wt actual f?!

To top it off the lovely man I met, when I broke the seal after several years of enforced celibacy, has changed his profile. He has changed his name to a younger sounding version and has knocked 10 years off his already suspect age ugh. He's obviously looking for younger conquests and has made feel quite yuck. I was at him claiming to be 51 but 41? Come on!

I need to have a break again.

Sorry for the rant.

314 your chap sounds fab. Really pleased for you. Just shows there is the odd decent man out there.

Perhaps! It is so bizarre, we had a really nice time on our last date. He was really sweet to me and told me he misses me between dates. He was speaking to me Sunday, and Monday everything was fine right up until the incident in the evening. It is literally like that was a total gamechanger. I'm so confused.

I have the same FlipFlop. Granted it wasnt 10 dates. But he saw me on the Friday and i ended up staying over. He wanted me to see him on Saturday night too...inviting me to an annual work ball!! Then we reasoned not enough time to get ready for black tie.

He texted as soon as he was home from it. He saw me that day. Now the sunday. He told me he had told colleagues about me. One had brought a girlfriend who did a similar career to me so he was able to talk about it.

He bought prosecco and we had it on his balcony in the sun. He toasted "to our second date". Kept going on about future events

He did say after we'd slept together that day that he was hardly available because of work and gfs dont like it which is why he doesn't last in relationships. This was the time we were both being quite enthusiastic and he kept calling me dirty bitch

He asked me if I liked guys of his race and i admitted he was the first but clearly not an issue or i wouldn't have matched with him.

Then as we get into the car we are discussing this and he says he has a low tolerance for arseholes. Gives examples. I give 1-2 about an ex from my very old past. Im talking 23 when i dated him. We had a laugh about it.

I mentioned future events too as he was doing it.

Then as I got out the car I got well keep in touch.

He replied to the text i sent him but other than that.

What the hell happened between toasting date 2 and getting out that car.

Am i too old?

I had a really easy rapport with him too. He was complimentary about everything about me.

As 314 says too it's weird. Not a single word now.

In the past i have always regretted chasing a man who ghosted me for an explanation. Not doing it now.

Hi everyone I'll have a read through later. I've been off and got my self in a right pickle and hopefully learnt a massive lesson. Was on the last thread and had loads of warning bells with a guy, I didn't follow any of the old rules and invested way too much early on and then it turned out he had shit going on beyond my wildest dreams and I've just had to dump he cos he is just too much of a risk to my life. But because I'd invested so much before I knew him properly it really bloody hurts im such an idiot.

Anyway within an hour of being dumped he had reactivated his profile on the site I met him on, so he wasn't too devastated! Moving on for me...and I now know why everyone says don't invest too much early on! Argh I stupidly wasn't prepared for this when I started on line dating. But I'm going to carry on and take it way slower next time.

Oh bigredcar  what a shame. I was on the last thread with you, sorry things didn't work out!! Hope you're ok 

Misszp I suspect you may be right about him trying to make me needy.

Rosetta sounds like you've got some real catches there!! So sorry to hear about the seal breaker turning out to be a shit. He sounds like an idiot anyway and I reckon you dodged a bullet!

I've no idea what my next move should be! I kind of just want all the stress over. Whether that be things are resolved or we go our separate ways. Can't be bothered with the constant wondering and stressing. Wish I'd just never said anything now!

Flip I honestly, whatever the reason, would not take lightly to the sudden disappearance or ghosting. Don't over think it. His actions and attitude are not your responsibility, nor your issues. HIS loss, and rather show his hand 10 dates in than 100. In the very least, if he does contact you again, see it as a huge red flag before YOU decide how you want to proceed (not him!!).

bigred So sorry to hear things didn't work out.

So I can feel myself investing more than I should (ewww, even saying it has sobered me up a little!) with the guy I am on date #4 with. Prior to even today, I had the attitude of 'what will be will be'. He has given me no reason to worry at all. But I can feel that little tiny nagging voice of self doubt creeping in, and that inferiority complex trying to attack me, I have always had it, but it was small and quiet and under control. I know I should NEVER feel anyone is 'better' than me, and whilst I don't ever view other people in this way (ever, ever ever!), I can't help but feel why would he choose to get to know me, when he can do better (God typing it sounds so stupid, and if I was advising friends if they said this, I would tell them they are mad to feel that way!).

Yeah it is a shame, I'm still feeling really poo about it. Can you all give me a grip please. Basically I already have a ds with complex needs who I'm carer for. It turned out the guy has quite a severe mental health disorder that he will have for life, not a problem to me on it's own but I felt combined with ds special needs it was too much of a risk to take on. Also he'd said he is self employed which wasn't true, he's on disability benefits but with a permit to work. Again not a problem on it's own but I felt could get messy combined with mine. He was also the one who gave me an ultimatum to come off old within a week of meeting him! I've done the right thing ending it haven't I? I need to get a grip don't I? We'd already been chatting on the phone every night and I feel so sad I'm going to miss him.

Bigredcar you have totally done the right thing. He sounds too intense and in your face.

Oh I remember him bigred, you definitely did the right thing.
He was wayyyy too heavy too fast.
It's an awful lot to take on. And the lying about working is bad sign in itself.

I'm tattooing this to my memory.

bigred you have definitely done the right thing. Still hurts though eh? Especially when they are able to move on in an instant. He was ridiculously full on in the beginning though. Lesson for us all there. Get ironing.

God I need that tattooing on my eyeballs Nowwhat! Why does it hurt so bloody much still, even though I knew it would end in disaster. Just in every other way we just clicked anyway onwards and upwards

I wasnt bothered about mine. Now i am.

It's only been a week. One never knows.

Had a read through the thread now..lots of funny old experiences going on!

Hi all, I was on the last thread, havent posted for maybe two weeks? But the rate this thread moves it feels like 50 years!
I decided to give OLD a rest for a bit after my last disaster date (Mr Quirky, he of the tupperware lunch box and silent sex) so nothing to report from me date-wise, but I have been lurking and reading.

Rosetta I'm confused, what happened to Mr Tall? Or are you a different Rosetta/Rose?

whatamidoing I'm so surprised to hear that Planeman went quiet, did NOT see that coming...any news? Surely after all the support he gave etc over your mum, he cannot have just ghosted you now??

bigredcar I remember him, and I remember you saying he wouldn't be good for you, but I sympathise...it's hard when you like someone and really get on with them to do what everyone is telling you to do, so I totally see why you stuck with him. God, it's shit when you see they've gone straight back online though, it's like they didn't even care. Arse.

nowwhat* I dated a man very similar to your 'weekend man' a couple of years ago. He was the first 'relationship' (that's what I thought we were having' I had after my 20 year marriage, so I was utterly clueless about dating. Like yours, he was very upfront about 'not having much free time' but since he had put on his OLD profile that he wanted a relationship, I assumed his idea of a relationship was the same as mine (and most people's) ...no, he wanted to PLAY at having a relationship on the odd weekend when he had nothing better to do.

Suddenly, I'd be priority number 1, he'd take me out, wine me, dine me, talk about future dates, what we'd do next weekend....and then most weeks 'next weekend' didn't happen. Until the next time he had nothing better to do. Being new to dating it took 3 months of this for the scales to finally fall from my eyes and realise he was just using me practically as a 'friend with benefits' and that this was NOT a relationship.
Just once,, after he cancelled three weekend dates in a row I pointed out that I was getting a little fed up of always seeming to come last, whereupon he immediately said I was 'demanding' and promptly ended it. Thankfully, I restrained myself and only sent one text telling him what I thought of him, and then nothing more. He found me online 3 months later and tried to apologise and to get me to give him another chance...I did, but only as a platonic friend because we had got on very well in that way...and I watched as he treated about three other women exactly the same way, one after the other. Of course, it was never his fault that he had to end it. They were always too demanding/needy/whatever didn't suit him.
So I don't think you did anything to put your 'weekend man' off. It's just the way he is, just like mine was. You can analyze it over and over, drive yourself nuts wondering what you did, and the truth is; nothing. Why did he allude to more dates? Possibly because he likes playing at the whole relationship thing, or he wants to keep you on the back burner for when he can 'fit you in' again. Either way, its crappy and you are well rid. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just they way he is. Which is why none of his 'relationships' last long. He's the problem, not you.

rosettapebble sorry, just read your posts again and I'm sure you're not the mumsnetter I was thinking of who was dating Mr Tall, I'm sure she was in her twenties, so just ignore me...I'm always getting posters mixed up on this thread!
I think I am getting early onset dementia.
Or maybe it's menopause...
Get me, I'm such a catch!

I'm back from MSG's apartment. Which is in a lovely area! bloody hell. You wouldn't get a one bed for under 700k, but omg, the clutter in his apt. I should give him my marie kondo book.
He made me a nice meal, and he was as he usually is, funny and lovely company. Didn't mean to, really, I didn't plan this but we ended up having sex and it was lovely, no regrets. I stayed as long as I could and he drove me home. We can't see each other now for about five days and I'll miss him. But now sitting here in my bed alone I realise I never actually had the conversation with him about not dating other people.... I presume he isn't because when he was showing me around his apartment he said he was a bit embarrassed of the mess and that hadn't had visitors since last August. Don't think he'd tidied up since last August either. Omg. What a mess. He does make me laugh though. I brought him San Pellegrino and Schloer and he looked at the schoer like it was bleach. wot ees dees? He tried to make me take it home with me!

Glad you had a nice night 314...I think you're slightly exaggerating about a 700k one bed ,the market has improved not that much.

:) Obviously am joking with you.

TheWitchesofIzalith

That makes alot of sense. How often did yours call or take you out. Or was it literally all of a sudden?

How quickly do you give your phone number to people you're chatting to online?

Some people ask after a few messages and I don't feel comfortable with it. But is that considered normal?

Maybe I should get a special phone I use just for OLD

I'm totally shocked to hear about planeman too! Thewitches, I am such a fool aren't I...Said 4 weeks ago he was bad for me and still carried on and I didn't know the half of it then! Anyway I can laugh about it this morning and feel loads better. I'm sticking to the rules now haha they are there for a reason!

What with hearing the stories of ghosting and the wkend bfs when they feel like it, it makes me realise again that on line dating is quite different to the usual way of meeting people isn't it. It really is more of a game it seems in most cases.