Dh's best mate still living with us (for free) !!

[frenchconnection]

i posted on here a while ago about my dh's mate living with us, he sleeps up in our loft room and pays no rent. my dh was being a complete arse about me moaning about it at first, but now he wishes he never invited his mate here! his mate is lovely and plays with the kids a lot so i cant be horrible and ask him to leave, he has nowhere else to go (though doesnt seem to be looking) and says he is in so much debt that he cant afford normal rents..i plucked up the courage to ask for rent last week, and he said its fine, yet still no money!

i keep asking how the flat-hunting is going (hint hint) yet he just says "oh the rents in london are so high i cant find anything". We have 2 children and i f**king hate queueing up for MY bathroom every morning while he takes 30mins in the shower!!!!!!!!!!! And when i finally get in the bathroom, he'll be knocking at the door saying "are you going to be long??"
when i ask my dh to ask him how long he will be staying, dh just says "why dont i just tell him you want him to leave?" So that would make me look awful!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAggggggggggggggghhh

Ohhhh that loft room is so cold, I let him sleep in our room, it's much warmer.

Get him punted he is a user of the first order.

''Wannabe.. my dd is very shy when there are other people in the house, so when the mate is here she just clams up. The main reason i want him to leave!! ''

err.. and you are still putting off telling him to get out. your daughter has been uncomfortable in her own house for nearly 3 months. her mums is stressed and angry and upset all the time - poor little thing. if you cant do it for yourself then do it for her.

im so sorry its not what you want to hear but sounds like its convenient for your dh thats hes there right now. maybe you need to look at that relationshship alot closer too.

Give them an inch, and they'll take a mile.
God these sort of situations piss me off! I used to date a guy who was a total free loader and a liar to boot. By the time i realised i was getting screwed he'd been living in my house for 2 months eating my food etc. When i asked him to leave he played the 'i have nowhere else to go' card, so i felt guilty and let him stay another month thinking he'd find somewhere else, he didn't! I got so worked up and mad one day when i came home to find dirty dishes everywhere, a pile of his dirty clothes lying by the washing machine that he wanted ME to wash, his crap everywhere, i put it all in black binbags, locked the doors and threw his stuff out the windows at him when he got back and realised he couldn't get in!
This guy is taking the piss, get him out! Your Dh's attitude is disgusting. Give the guy 2 weeks notice and stick to it. If he doesn't leave, chuck his stuff outside for him to pick up. Since there is no contract you don't have to give him ANY notice. Never take in a loger without a written agreement, even if it's a friend or a sister in law, don't do it. What happens if this guy try's claiming squatters rights, i have much experience of people screwing me for this as well, and believe me - they get away with it. Get him out NOW, or it's you that ends up screwed not him!

how did it go last night?

Hi! Well this is what happened.......... he didnt get back to ours til 11pm (after pub??)when i was in bed!
Then this morn i went to work at 7.45am before he was awake!! BUT I MADE SURE I MADE LOTS OF NOISE THEN I LEFT OUT ALL THE LODGINGS LISTINGS I'D PRINTED OFF , and wrote "we want you out in 2 weeks! have a good day!"

Funnily enough havent heard from him yet....

I really hope you got up the bottle to do it. It's not a nice thing you have to do. I wouldn't want to do it either. But it's one of those horrid things in life that you've just gotta grit your teeth and get it over and done with. Honestly, you're thinking too much about it and it's just making it worse. Like going for a smear, pulling out a loose tooth, ripping off a plaster, childbirth. Bloody hell, they can all hurt, but will hurt a zillion times more if you drag it out and fanny about,.

He is not going to wake up in 1 month and say "ta da! I've found a brilliant place and I'll be out of here by the end of the week". He has made it more than clear he will not leave unless & until you tell him to. There is no other alternative. You have to do it. SO just do it. NOW. Phone him at bloody work if you have to. Oh, and I revise my 2 week notice period to one, because you can guarantee, he won't start looking till the last minute anyway. Do not go to sleep until you've done it.

ooh, crossed posts, never mind. well done you. will he have definitely seen it? 100%???? good luck with the next 2 weeks. He knew it was coming, he'll just look for someone else to take for a ride. Next time you see him you MUST mention it, or it'll get to mid feb and he'll be saying, "note, what note?"

Ask him if he saw the note, and confirm the date, ie just to be clear, we need you out by 6th Feb AT THE LATEST. If you don't give a fixed date and if you don't mention it again he won't take you seriously

Good for you!
Let us know what happens next, am following with interest!

Well done, fc!

Of course, he will be on the phone to DH and DH will tyell him 'don't worry, I'll sort it' etc etc so you will have to be prepared to stand your ground!

Have you heard from DH or told him yet? Might be best to prime him and say you have given friend notice but helped him with a list of cheap acommodation.

Heard nothing from either of them yet!

Best of luck, dear.

Good luck from me too, fc - if it comes to a big showdown, just imagine all of us standing behind you hissing "you go girl!" (and holding your coat for you )

Well done, FC!
Stand your ground, and think of how fantastic it will be to get your home back to yourselves in just 14 days time.

ooh ooh i'll hold your coat!
i'm also really good at standing in a ring with loads of other people chanting "fight! fight! fight!"

anything this morning?

Yes! He left for work when i dropped dd at school, when i got back there was a big thankyou card waiting for me with £150 inside..

Dh's week away was cancelled yesterday so he came back lat night and the mate invited him to pub for a "chat".
The mate said he's feeling really low/depressed and doesnt want to put us out but doesnt know whether he want to stay at his current job or leave it. He will prob move back to his gf's town soon.
(dh said he looked v close to tears)

So i will let him stay the 2 weeks and then i guess he is going?

(Feel rather guilty though, he said we were brilliant mates...at least this means dh will not lose his mate)

Well that's very good because he has realised that your opinion actually matters and he doesn't want to ruin your friendship. Good for you.

so he had £150 all the time and it took you boopting him out for him to give it you. he's a tosser, do not fall for the sob tory. Stand your ground or he'll still be ther ein a month. Are you sure your dh didn't give him the money as a sweetner?

he's trying to worm his way out of it def. it is emotional blackmail, nothing more. If he's so down & fed up with his job, moving to home time with gf should do him the world of good. funny how this story, plöus £150 just come to light now. He is trying to pull a fast one. STICK TO YOUR GUNS:

i have been reading this thread but have not responded. I too think the 150 quid was a sweetner..... and all this he does not know what he will do re job and girlfriend - whynot go and live with her.

He is well and truly taking the piss and has displayed himself as no mate of either your dh or you.

Yes - stick to your guns - he is out in 2 weeks - might help him make up his mind re job etc... seems like he is just dithering as long as he can stay with you and freeload why would he want to do anything else... and why does his girlfriend not have him stay!!

Stand your ground - he is out in 2 weeks.

Oh yes do throw him out after two weeks but I think people have been a bit hard on you about this. He isn't a vagrant or a squatter, he is your dh's bf. I would like to think that I would be able to help out my bf if she needed it and that dp would support me. Not to the extent of this as he has definitely taken the piss but this sounds like there may be a positive outcome.

I once lived with a boyfriend who's (kind of) brother needed somewhere to stay. Boyfriend agreed it with this lads dad (I had gone to school with this lad so knew him) without asking me.

I never saw a penny, despite me relentlessly having a go at him about it. I supported the pair of them for a year. I left before he did.

These things do happen.

I too wonder why he hasn't gone to girlfriend, why not use her instead of you guys? probably because he wouldn't get away with it.

Good Luck FrenchConnection, you really need to stand firm and keep on at him to remind him the clock is ticking and you haven't forgotten.

I can't help thinking that 2 weeks will come and slip by without him doing anything.

You need a plan of action for if on that last day, he has done nothing, not packed have nowhere to go... you need to agree with your husband, will you throw him onto the streets, or let him stay 1,2, 7 more nights?

You need to have it clear in your head, so he can't slime his way out of it.

I was 19 when I got 'ripped off'. it tought me a valuable life lesson.

no, hard as it is, if you let him stay an extra day/2/7 you are showing him ou don't mean it and he'll never go. You have already been good mates. It is not wrong of you to end this. He will not be homweless. He can go to gf. Or get a room. Be brave, and remember, he is the baddie, not you!!

His gf actually lives 160 miles from london (where he works) not 100 as i said previously. So too far for him to commute every day. (Also she is on benefits and could get reported for living with him while claiming to be a single parent. She refuses to come off benefit anyway as it makes her feel "independent".)