Dh's best mate still living with us (for free) !!

[frenchconnection]

i posted on here a while ago about my dh's mate living with us, he sleeps up in our loft room and pays no rent. my dh was being a complete arse about me moaning about it at first, but now he wishes he never invited his mate here! his mate is lovely and plays with the kids a lot so i cant be horrible and ask him to leave, he has nowhere else to go (though doesnt seem to be looking) and says he is in so much debt that he cant afford normal rents..i plucked up the courage to ask for rent last week, and he said its fine, yet still no money!

i keep asking how the flat-hunting is going (hint hint) yet he just says "oh the rents in london are so high i cant find anything". We have 2 children and i f**king hate queueing up for MY bathroom every morning while he takes 30mins in the shower!!!!!!!!!!! And when i finally get in the bathroom, he'll be knocking at the door saying "are you going to be long??"
when i ask my dh to ask him how long he will be staying, dh just says "why dont i just tell him you want him to leave?" So that would make me look awful!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAggggggggggggggghhh

seriously, do not move out. Change the locks and sell the house if you must, but stay put.

Shiny, because it is totally absurd to lose your home and marriage to an unwanted lodger, I guess.

Why not just tell them both you have reached your limit of goodwill and tell them he can't stay after this week. He must leave on Friday or you will have no choice but to change the locks on them both.
Tell your husband that you are at thye end of your tether and he stands to lose everything...I really feel for you.

Yes... but... telling her to get a fucking grip?

Well she got a grip of the heater, at least.

Honestly, the lodger is the least of my long term worries, i just feel that dh undermining so many times leaves me with little choice. The marriage has been rocky for a while, we sleep in diff rooms most of the time.

Maybe it just took his mate and all this hoo-ha to make me wake up and smell the coffee...(could all be a blessing in disguise)

Don't leave unless you really have no choice, it will be hard to sell the house with dh in it and a sitting tenant!!!

Are they home now?

are you married to this man? you do know he is entitled to half whether you put in all the money or not if you're married

you need to consult a solicitor if you're considering splitting and safeguarding your assets before you do anything else

if he's a dp its different .

If this is really what you want to happen, then please please be aware that it is likely to be VERY messy and drawn out, and you are not guaranteed to get all the money back tht you put into the house.

Given that you have 2(?) children with DH, and by the sounds of it he is in a well paid job, you should be able to keep the house.

FC-is this really what you want? I know you mentioned that you were having problems with DH before, but as someone who is now a lone parent, I just want you to please think long and hard about what you are doing. If it is, then all of us will support you every step of the way xx

Please stay till you have seen a solicitor.

A thought occurred to me - is there any chance this lodger is actually paying rent, but just not to you. Perhaps he is secretly paying your dh, and they are keeping it from you? It might partly explain why your dh is so reluctant to let him go.

Hi pleased to meet you

Maybe it just took his mate and all this hoo-ha to make me wake up and smell the coffee...(could all be a blessing in disguise

Sorry I gave advice on this thread but now reading the latest entry I think it's a crock of shit quite honestly.

I think FC should move out absolutely, or continue living in a house where her chid is afraid to speak..

Don't move out. Change the locks or something whilst he and dh are at work. Don't give dh a spare key so he can't give his mate one and tell them that you've had enough... If you move out, how will you get them out? Even if you put the house on the market, if they leave it in a tip, you will lose value or even buyers. Just tell dh that you do not want his friend any more - doesn't he have any other friends??

CHANGE THE LOCKS, FC!!!!! THEN SEE A SOLICITOR!!!

DH has no key now, right? Freeloader has it but has no rights over the house. Don't even think of leaving the house to the 2 of them, let them find somewhere else - the kids have top priority when it comes to housing, you have to stay there with them.

I would be seriously worried at the thought of a strange, ill-mannered and suspicious man living in my house. Have your children talked about him to you? I would make sure he is out of the way for their personal protection. There is no guarentee that he wouldn't feel he has the right to help himself to anything he wants, including their company. Chilli powder in his bed clothes, tip his dirty laundry into a bin-liner and leave it in a skip somewhere. He has no rights to live in your house, so he and his property are tresspassing. Get angry with him FC, you are too nice and forgiving. You and your kids are more important than he is, or his feelings or his property. Write down on a piece of paper the thing that you want to achieve, i.e., get him out, and keep looking at it when you feel weak or disheartened. Get witnesses, friends that you trust to be around when you confront him, make sure you have him on a back foot when you speak to him, make him emotionally and psychologically weaker than you by setting yourself a target and make sure you have a set of answers for his miserable excuses, so he starts to feel uncomfortable. Wherever he ran from , he was uncomfortable, and wherever he runs to after he leaves, no doubt he will feel uncomfortable. Don't bother trying to help, remove him like you would a tapeworm or leech, as that is what he is to you and your family: A parasite. Good luck, we are thinking of you.

i am sorry FC but the minute your daughter stopped speaking when he was there and you knew she was uncomfortable with him being there you should have got rid.

maybe you dont want to throw him out as it will cause rows with dh - but you are never going to sort anything out with freeloader hanging around causing tension. why dont you get rid of him and then see how you feel about your future with dh.

FC

If you and your DH are thinking of splitting up anway (and the freeloader issue seems to have brought things to a head) would strongly suggest you seek legal advice before moving out.

You may even be able to evict the freeloader using legal powers but again you need legal advice first and foremost.

Your DH is again at pains to undermine you every step of the way (I note he has told the freeloader he can stay longer). The freeloader issue needs to be tackled first before you can do anything about your DH. To my mind I'd part company with both of them asap, they are both as bad as one another.

Well dh is telling me if i go then fine, but i should leave the children with him.. im sure his mate will leave once he realises i am moving out over it anyway.

BTW, this mate is someone we have known for years,Wooly, he is not a suspicious stranger and is brilliant with the kids, he is their godfather and was best man at our wedding!!! Just gets on my nerves!! but i know he is not a danger, he really isnt.

As for my daughter, she is now very happy to have him around and is v chatty again, which makes it harder!

FC I think you need to do what the others say - and stay put and change the locks. So your DH does nothing, is not there half the time, but he gets the house and the children? I don't think so.

Either see a solicitor or go to Citizen's Advice.

Please don't move out. I really think that would be a BIG mistake. Plus why should you be the one to move out when it is your house? You have no guarantees that the freeloader will move out. What if he doesn't?

If you are going to split with your dh and have a falling out with the friend (both of which seems inevitable) whether this happens because you move out or not is irrelevant. But once you have moved out, you will find it very difficult to move back in, I can guarantee you.

Please get some legal advice about kicking them out. It is wrong for you to be forced out of your own house. I really don't understand why you are so reluctant to have a scene with the friend out to the extent that you would move out of your own house!! Surely he can find new accommodation just as easily as you, if not more so!

i think your playing games now.

enter stage left.......

"forsooth, thou is dead to me, watcheth as i leaveth with your kiddieths"

" yeah alright, whatever"

sure that wasn't the way its supposed to be. theres some begging me to stay somewhere in there? surely?

"i go....out into the dark, darketh night"

"whatever, make sure the door doesn't catch yer arse on the way out...hurry up theres a draft!"

so instead of drama and games, think carefully about your future accomodation.

your partner sounds like a fuckhead anyway - and i dont think its the fella living with you thats the problem

i think its your partners attitude to you.

Spot on Custy.
fc - you do need to seek serious advice if you are resolved that you should end the relationship.
Don't get melodramatic.
If you have kids and DH's income is sufficient you could well be entitled to stay in the house and have him pay the mortgage - you say it's small? And wouldn't it be better to keep your money in property?

Just don't throw the baby out with the bath water. If you do want to finish your relayionship, make sure - for the choildren's sake - you end up in a strong position, and the position that is yours by right.

i wouldnt stay in the house and make him pay the mortgage whilst he rents out some nasty hovel!! i cant stand women who do that(i call it Sitting Pretty). I do work so i may be able to semi-support myself, and be part on benefits. I will not make him pay for me, though i am happy to take maintenence payments for ds.