Dh's best mate still living with us (for free) !!

[frenchconnection]

i posted on here a while ago about my dh's mate living with us, he sleeps up in our loft room and pays no rent. my dh was being a complete arse about me moaning about it at first, but now he wishes he never invited his mate here! his mate is lovely and plays with the kids a lot so i cant be horrible and ask him to leave, he has nowhere else to go (though doesnt seem to be looking) and says he is in so much debt that he cant afford normal rents..i plucked up the courage to ask for rent last week, and he said its fine, yet still no money!

i keep asking how the flat-hunting is going (hint hint) yet he just says "oh the rents in london are so high i cant find anything". We have 2 children and i f**king hate queueing up for MY bathroom every morning while he takes 30mins in the shower!!!!!!!!!!! And when i finally get in the bathroom, he'll be knocking at the door saying "are you going to be long??"
when i ask my dh to ask him how long he will be staying, dh just says "why dont i just tell him you want him to leave?" So that would make me look awful!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAggggggggggggggghhh

I've had DH's best mate stay with us for 6 weeks (we gave him a timescale)

also had DH's sister .. again for 6 weeks

must say by the end of week 4 I'd had enough

I like DH's best mate but you just want to be able to walk around without wondering that someone else can see your hairy legs etc

thanks for all your advice! yes it is pretty annoying when i have to jump in and out of the bathroom so he cant see me semi-naked, and i cant even have an argument with my dh in front of him! or slob on the sofa in my pj's.

He cant live with his gf as she lives 100 miles away from his work, and handily, we are only a short train journey away....

just remember YOU are not his mother

and

HE is a grown man who is taking the piss

WHAT made him YOUR responsiblity

think your DH needs to do a bit of growing up in this too .. and decide whether his friend is more important than his family's happiness

Only read the OP, but I would say "Yes, dear, please tell him I'd like him to leave, thank you very much".

He can't live with is girlfriend as it is too far from his job, he can't afford the rent on his own place as he has money problems. These are his problems, not yours. Seriously this situation can't be allowed to continue, it has the potential to do irreversable damage to your home life and relationship with your DH.

come FC - give us his number and WE will sort him out

Indeed.
Twiglett's approach, and script, are perfectly reasonable! Better to handle it politely like this than fly off the handle because you are - understandabley - at the end of your tether.

Your dh is behaving VERY badly around it, too, imo.

oh forgot to add, the mate invited his lazy freeloading girlfriend and her 2 kids to come and stay, after a night out that i had planned JUST for dh, me and his mate.... he just invited them all along on our big night out (concert) and told them to sleep in my dd's room!!

i got in a HUGE mood that weekend, but did they get the hint? did they f**k!

my dh just wants a peaceful life and he's worried that if we kick the mate out , he will lose his best friend.......... i say that if he was really his best mate he wouldnt put my dh in such a difficult position in the first place, or borrow money off us!!

He's more worried about potentially losing a "best" mate (I would harly consider someone who does this as falling under that description) than the effect it is having on his own wife and children . I think he needs to get his priorities in line pretty damn quickly.

you know i wasnt too keen about your mate moving in, but he's a really nice bloke.

its good to have company what with you working such long hours

its nice to have a man about to do those little bits

the kids really like him

isnt he a lovely bloke

ive got lots in common with him

the more time i spend with him, the more i can see what a nice guy he is

we're becomming very good friends

theres no rush for him to go, i enjoy his company

and similar comments dropped out at random

my dh would have him out quick

LOL mytwopenceworth!!!!

Brilliant strategy!

Stop getting in moods and dropping hints, it just gives him a reason to imply that you are moody and irrational. Be calm and say something like "I like you a lot xx and I am always glad to help a friend of dh's where possible, but this is my family home and having a permanent guest makes it difficult for us to have a normal family life. I would like you to move out, with all your belongings, by xx date." Then give him a copy of Loot or similar so that he can start phoning up flatshares.

I would leave it to your dh to sort out the return of the £200 as he was the one who did the lending. Perhaps it would be a good idea to get your dh to agree not to lend any more to him as well.

the funny thing is i did used to fancy him a little bit! and my dh says "how come you used to love him so much and now you cant stand to have him live here?"
Yes i will make hints about a potential affair brewing but the sad thing is my dh wont actually care.. (not been getting on for a year now)

Haven't read whole thread but we had simalar prob. with dp brother, moved in for a couple of weeks anded up staying month and half, he paid no rent as for the first few weeks he didnt have a job and when he did he thought buying occ, loaves of bread and milk were sufficient (i was cooking for him every day) I had to pick up his pants off floor as he left them in the bathroom and that was the last straw. In the end i looked into renting for him and eventually he moved in with our next door neighbour who had a spare room and he pays him £50 a week. NEVER AGAIN

oh FC, I'm sorry. I hope i didn't offend or upset you.

if its not too personal, do you think your relationship is salvagable? (sp) have you asked him or talked to him about it?

FC,I thought you and your dh were splitting?
If it;s all on again,it won't be for long with him in the mix.

Get a grip and tell him to fuck off.

Stop with the hints. Try being blunt instead. He is obviously very thick skinned and selfish so he needs to have things spelled out.

I would pack his things in binbags and sling him out, then tell DH that his stuff was going the same way if he minded.

But I get the red mist.

moondog- we decided to try to make it work, sometimes we have a real laugh together but i cant relax with his mate here - we cant talk to each other let alone have a cuddle!