Dh's best mate still living with us (for free) !!

[frenchconnection]

i posted on here a while ago about my dh's mate living with us, he sleeps up in our loft room and pays no rent. my dh was being a complete arse about me moaning about it at first, but now he wishes he never invited his mate here! his mate is lovely and plays with the kids a lot so i cant be horrible and ask him to leave, he has nowhere else to go (though doesnt seem to be looking) and says he is in so much debt that he cant afford normal rents..i plucked up the courage to ask for rent last week, and he said its fine, yet still no money!

i keep asking how the flat-hunting is going (hint hint) yet he just says "oh the rents in london are so high i cant find anything". We have 2 children and i f**king hate queueing up for MY bathroom every morning while he takes 30mins in the shower!!!!!!!!!!! And when i finally get in the bathroom, he'll be knocking at the door saying "are you going to be long??"
when i ask my dh to ask him how long he will be staying, dh just says "why dont i just tell him you want him to leave?" So that would make me look awful!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAggggggggggggggghhh

Can't he move in with the girlfriend whilst aplying for work there?

Is there a council housing list he could put his name on?

Kick the prat out.

its just i am a wimp!

Sorry FC but yes you are correct with that assumption.

Freeloaders need to be dealth with in a firm fashion; nothing less will do with such people. They will happily continue to sponge otherwise and give nothing in return (except manipulation of others).

"I know he has nowhere else to go.and as far as he's concerned if my dh says something's ok then that must mean it is ok".

So you feel guilty about making him leave and your DH is too spineless to tell him to leave. Your DH thinks little of you and by turn the children if he honestly thinks this arrangement between him and the freeloader is okay.

"btw before he moved in with us he was sleeping on another mate's sofa in his one room flat for 2mths!!!! then he got kicked out!".
Funny that. Surely husband can see a pattern here.

Remember as well that guilt is a useless emotion. You think the freeloader feel sguilty at having put your family out for so long?. Of course not!. He's laughing all the way to the bank.

Invite people to stay in Feb and tell him he has to go by then.

Or get Rentokil round to evict him

ginger stubble round the sink? how odd....i used to live with my ex-p's parents, and they had a freeloading mate of ex-p's there and he was ginger too!i don't think it can be the same man though, as far a i know, he's still there after THREE YEARS!! (so you see how bad it can get!)

good luck with kicking him out fc....let us know how it goes!

Wait a minute! You say this guy is actully working an earning money?
What the hell is he doing taking advantage of you?
Of course your DH is not doing much about it because he is out most of the day, you spend more time with this guy than your partner.
If i were you i would say that you and your partner want to now have time to yourselves and help him find a bedsit/flat for himself.
Does he have a key?
Otherwise, i would draw up a "contract" that he has to pay rent or he is out on his ear.
Finally, change the locks once you do get him out.
ab

Sort him out a room to go to. I know that's above and beyond the call of duty, but he's got no reason not to move out then, has he?

Perhaps you could sit down with freeloader and (in a sugary, friendly way) say that as he has not found anywhere to stay yet, it is only fair that the bills should be split three ways - according to how many adults there are in the house.
Get the bills out for your council tax, phone, electricity, gas, water etc.
Work out a fixed amount per week to cover wear and tear on the washing machine.
Tell him that you think it should all be done formally, with him having his name on the bills too, and that you will sort that out during this week.
Give him a rent book, and tell him the rent is £50 per week, not including bills.
Advise him that you will need a £200 deposit too.
I bet he'll be out of there by the weekend!

Oh, good plan, HC. Very good plan

DO NOT let him have his name on any bills... you could end up in all sorts of trouble.. he could black list your house and all sorts.

Other than that I think HC's suggest is excellant

Chuck the parasite out tonight - what a selfish tosser. You can't let this carry on affecting your children. Whether your relationship with 'D'H survives this is less important atm than you and your children getting YOUR house back.

yes but hunker he'd just say "oh but my debt problems blah blah blah..."

humphrey, even. sorry......still got my pg head on!

just wondering , have/do any of you have a lodger with you? and does it work out, ever??
Dont see how it can!

don't even contemplate it FC. Get rid.

How can you even consider letting him stay when you said yourself he makes your dd feel uncomfortable.

Oh NO i am not considering letting him stay!! just cannot see how it can work for any family, unless they live in a mansion with 225 bathrooms...

JUT, I know she's not his mother.

However, she has had no success with asking him to leave, or asking him to sort a room out and she wants him gone (sorry to talk of you as she, FC!) - so I figured presenting him with a fait accompli "you are moving in to x address on y date" might help.

Or just tell him you will sort out a room for him, pack his bags and change the locks one day, so if he doesn't want to end up in the arse end of nowhere with his belongings in binbags, he'd better pull his finger out and take his gingery stubble elsewhere.

no, keep it very short, and blunt and CLEAR and firm.Do not let him speak, ideally.

Can I have a quick word?

I'm sorry, but dhh was wrong to say you could stay. It's not possible, and we need the room back in 2 weeks. Can you move out by 6th Feb please. That is plenty of time to find another room.

Goodnight.

Then leg it.

He speaks, he worms his way in/makes you feel guilty/gives you excuses.

DO you want him there in 6 months? Honestly, your dh'll move out, and he'll still be there. Oh well, seens as he's gone, it makes more sence for you to move up to the loft and I'll have the double room. With my gf.

I know childfree friends who've had lodgers and it's worked perfectly well. But you don't even have ROOM for a lodger, never mind the desire to do so! Plus if this bloke were a lodger you could set down house rules like: no making loads of noise with dh til 1 a.m., no hogging the bathroom, etc.

FC, tell DH that you shagged his mate. He'll get him out quick enough.

Or you could just flirt and pretend to really really like him... ohhh all those cosy winter evenings spent together.