Dh's best mate still living with us (for free) !!

[frenchconnection]

i posted on here a while ago about my dh's mate living with us, he sleeps up in our loft room and pays no rent. my dh was being a complete arse about me moaning about it at first, but now he wishes he never invited his mate here! his mate is lovely and plays with the kids a lot so i cant be horrible and ask him to leave, he has nowhere else to go (though doesnt seem to be looking) and says he is in so much debt that he cant afford normal rents..i plucked up the courage to ask for rent last week, and he said its fine, yet still no money!

i keep asking how the flat-hunting is going (hint hint) yet he just says "oh the rents in london are so high i cant find anything". We have 2 children and i f**king hate queueing up for MY bathroom every morning while he takes 30mins in the shower!!!!!!!!!!! And when i finally get in the bathroom, he'll be knocking at the door saying "are you going to be long??"
when i ask my dh to ask him how long he will be staying, dh just says "why dont i just tell him you want him to leave?" So that would make me look awful!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAggggggggggggggghhh

lmao at 'independent'

"Independent"???? She can only be "independent" because you are subbing him!

So, he needs to find a job and somewhere to live nearer than 160 miles from her, and he's got 2 weeks to do it.

Please don't weaken, fc

well, her "independance" isn't your problem. There are plenty of rooms out there. It's really hard but you gotta stick to your guns or you'll go crazy, you'll really start to hate him. It's rally affecting your quality of life, and your daughters. Be brave. And thick skinned

She refuses to come off benefit anyway as it makes her feel "independent".
LOL, that's the best comment I've heard in ages!!!. Benefits as a lifestyle choice.

As for the freeloader if you do not stick to your guns re him you will be lumbered with him and his ginger hairs in your sink for a very long time to come. The £150 was a sweetener and done to soften you up. This money would have undoubtedly have not been paid if you had not taken any action.

Two weeks and counting.....

Tony Blair, look what you have done.

FC, don't waver now.
You have given him his notice.
His problems re work and girlfriend are not your problems.
Please don't let him talk his way into staying - you want your home back, you have been a good friend to this man, and he needs to leave.
Just keep focusing on how fantastic it will feel to have your home back with just your family there.
You've done really well in giving him his notice - stay strong, and keep posting!

has he found somewhere to go?

Oh, frenchconnection, good luck and hope he goes in two weeks.

I think he is being really manipulative. Funny how the sob story and £150.00 only came out when you gave him a 2 week ultimatum.

I would keep on at him in a calm but firm way. Be as oblivious as he is to pressure.

I don't believe he has no other friends he could ask for a lodging. He works in marketing and promotions - a sociable industry. He must have good people skills to do that work (and is obviously good at getting people to do what he wants!!). He is single and goes out to the pub. He was invited on a mate's stag night. All this is no evidence of a loner or retiring violet.

So, get him talking about his friends and social life - lead him on a bit.
Then suddenly change tack and say in a firm but reassuring way 'there, you have lots of friends, so no problem finding someone with a spare sofa to put you up next week (or whatever is the deadline) while you find a flat. So I won't have to worry about you being on the streets ha ha. If you give me the address of your next abode, I'll drive your stuff over.'

I bet he has a place lined up already - some other innocent person waiting in the wings. I certainly don't think he'll be out on the streets when he leaves your place.

As for his girlfriend - unbelievable. And earlier down the thread you say he has money to see her each weekend. And pays you no rent, bills and says he has no money for a flat. Rubbish!!

Now he's splitting with his gf!!! He is back tonight. Soon .He asked dh for more time to think over his plans,dh said its fine. So now i am deciding whether to move out, i can rent somewhere i guess and take the kiddies with me.

Have taken heater out of loft and its now in my room. Ha.

So, your dh without consulting you said it was fine for his friend to stay for longer?

And your money bought the house? And both your dh and his friend know how desperate you are for this lodging arrangement to end?

Is your dh for real?

What exactly is going on here?

can't you tell them both to move out?

They wont. Well dh wont. We have a small mortgage and dh pays for that. i bought the rest of the house with my cash.

Don't move out - as tigermoth says - your dh did this without consulting you.

Tell DH he and his mate can find somewhere to rent together if they are so keen to live together!

And oh my goodness, I wonder why the gf is splitting up with him? Not because she hosts him / feeds him every w/e because he can't afford to contribute after he has paid the train fare, i suppose??

who's name is the house in?

erm where does your dh get off exactly? why does he think he can make decisions that impact on you far more than him, esp. when he knows your feelings on the subject? why should you move out?

i think if you go down that road you may find it hard to backtrack. only do it if you're absolutely sure. but stick to your guns - the mate's gotta go.

x-posted.

Well, of course you can't move out, fc. You and the kids must stay put.

But it's clear that your DH needs something to make him understand what a relationship is, and respecting your views. Don't know what to suggest - sorry.

But really, don't move out.

Oh FC!
Don't move out of your home because of this awful man.
What did you say to your DH when you found out he had agreed to let this man stay longer?

fine .. go to 'friend' in front of DH and say

"I appreciate you need a little more time .. that's fine you now have 3 weeks to move out .. and I'm afraid that's non-negotiable because having you here is stressing me and my children out. Please consider very carefully whether you feel it is worth jeapordising our friendship by taking the piss any further"

am shocked at your dh

Does your dh mean he's told his friend he can stay a week or two over the deadline or indefinitely?

Don't move out. Twiglett's advice is a compromise you could make, if you are feeling generous.

I wonder what your lodger's girlfriend has to say about both men. It would be interesting to hear.

You need to do some straight talking to your dh - alone.

Get a fucking grip FC.

I wonder if he's really split with her or it's just another stab at the sympathy vote. Expect him to make trips up north "to see if we can patch things up" in the near future.

I have got a grip, me and dh dont get on anyway , and we were thinking of splitting up. It would mean selling the house and me and kids renting a flat/house any way, so it would kind of be a relief just to get out of the house and find somewhere else. Once we've sold the house i will get most of the money and can save it.

Sorry, it has come to this but don't move out . If your dh is about as willing to sell up as he is to tell his friend where to go then it could be a very long time before you see your money again. You don't happen to have gf's number do you ? Perhaps she is also fed up with his freeloading ?

Why did Moondog tell FrenchConnection to get a fucking grip???