Dh's best mate still living with us (for free) !!

[frenchconnection]

i posted on here a while ago about my dh's mate living with us, he sleeps up in our loft room and pays no rent. my dh was being a complete arse about me moaning about it at first, but now he wishes he never invited his mate here! his mate is lovely and plays with the kids a lot so i cant be horrible and ask him to leave, he has nowhere else to go (though doesnt seem to be looking) and says he is in so much debt that he cant afford normal rents..i plucked up the courage to ask for rent last week, and he said its fine, yet still no money!

i keep asking how the flat-hunting is going (hint hint) yet he just says "oh the rents in london are so high i cant find anything". We have 2 children and i f**king hate queueing up for MY bathroom every morning while he takes 30mins in the shower!!!!!!!!!!! And when i finally get in the bathroom, he'll be knocking at the door saying "are you going to be long??"
when i ask my dh to ask him how long he will be staying, dh just says "why dont i just tell him you want him to leave?" So that would make me look awful!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAggggggggggggggghhh

fc, you mentioned down the thread that it is your house - does freeloader know that? If not make sure you mention that DH actually has no say in this at all, so there's no point in freeloader whingeing to him about it - your mind's made up and he has to go.

Tell him to find somewhere halfway between gf's house and work if he can't commute 100 miles. He can commute 50 easily.

yes its MY HOUSE!!!! not the freeloader's!!!

Hey maybe i should change the locks! he has my dh's only key so dh has to knock at the door to come in!

Update!
spoke to dh a min ago and he said his mate told him last night that he's thinking of moving back to the town he came from before he moved in with us(where his gf lives, 100 miles away) but he has to wait til he's found a job there....
he says he's gonna think about applying for jobs there in a "couple of months"

Get on to a job website and look for jobs for him and casually scatter them around the loft room. at your dh having to knock to get in!

Have you considered removing the expensive electric heater from the attic in this cold snap?

Delaying tactic - do not change what you were planning to do tonight.

fc - my strongest advice is that you do not fall for this as a reason not to get rid of him...er i mean give him polite, firm, reasonable notice NOW.

Who says he will actually get a job in another place? it could take months and months. Your DH will use this as a stalling excercise...what this man intends to do in the longer ter is one thing, but it doesn't affect things now!

Also the mate was proud to tell us he can now afford £30 a week rent... this is an insult surely??

What does he do now?

How much does he earn?

He is taking the piss ROYALLY.

I would actually ask him if he's proud of himself for living like this - GOD, DH wouldn't cadge off friends like this, nor would my brother or any of the other men I know. Because they are men! Not pathetic whiny freeloading shitesuckers.

Well he earns about £24k i think, he has a graduate job doing some sort of promotion/pr work, thats all i know! but his debts are crippling he says!! even though he is looking at flats, apparently, for £100 a week .

Put him in touch with a debt counselling service and some estate agents.

Don't let him stay while he job hunts.

Don't let him give you "in a month/two months/six months" deadlines.

"He says he's gonna think about applying for jobs there in a couple of months"

Oh the freeloader is really taking the mickey isn't he?. He is totally shameless, without remorse and is playing you for fools.

Do not waiver, he needs to go as soon as is humanely possible. Realise you don't want to kick him out coldly but needs must and in this case needs certainly must. I would have had his stuff all ready to go by now.

And he has DH's only key so DH has to knock to get in?. I would love to know how he persuaded your DH to let him stay with you rent free and freeload off you. He could give a masterclass in freeloading.

Had similar when a pal asked if she could stay in my old flat for a few days between Xmas and New Year. We were just about to do it up to rent it and were away over the holiday period anyway. I said no problem and she was still there 2 months later - rent free. We had to shift her stuff into our garage then give her a date when she really had to be out by coz the place was being gutted. You have to be firm

God i am being such a wimp though! but my dh is making himself look more of a wimp, he says what kind of mate is he to kick his best mate out on the street? i say he is a grown man and there are hundreds of empty rooms to rent in london...

He's a GOOD mate for doing it - will instil a bit of moral fibre and backbone in this bludging no-hoper!

French Connection - you were given all this advice when you posted before and now you've got the whole same load of advice again. You obviously ignored it first time round and all the advice people have given you has fallen on deaf ears as you are in exactly the same situation a month after last posting.

Fc, when he says that he can?t find anywhere else, what he?s really saying is ?I can?t find anywhere where I don?t have to pay?. Tbh if it was my dh I would give him an ultimatum, either he tell the guy to move out, tonight, or he can move out as well as there is not room for three in this marriage.

Something you said in a previous post concerns me though, you said this man has made your dd so shy she won?t even speak in the mornings, what?s that all about?

that was a bit harsh!! i gave him the benefit of the doubt over xmas, as he took all his stuff away for a while,and i thought he was gone for good - but then he came back, as my dh told him it was ok (twat.)

Wannabe.. my dd is very shy when there are other people in the house, so when the mate is here she just clams up. The main reason i want him to leave!!

he moved in at start of dec . so not that long...

well I think you have two choices, you either give your dh the ultimatum, or you have to do it yourself. as you are the one that wants this guy to move out, then in reality you are the one that needs to tell him to leave. You can't afford to be a wimp - this is your house and you have the right to say who does and doesn't live there. If you're not prepared to ask him to leave, then tbh you have only yourself to blame for him still being there.

Have just found hundreds of cheap rooms to let in london on Gumtree!! hundreds!! how can he say there are none???????????????????

its easy now, i will just print them out for him and pass him the phone!!