Dh's best mate still living with us (for free) !!

[frenchconnection]

i posted on here a while ago about my dh's mate living with us, he sleeps up in our loft room and pays no rent. my dh was being a complete arse about me moaning about it at first, but now he wishes he never invited his mate here! his mate is lovely and plays with the kids a lot so i cant be horrible and ask him to leave, he has nowhere else to go (though doesnt seem to be looking) and says he is in so much debt that he cant afford normal rents..i plucked up the courage to ask for rent last week, and he said its fine, yet still no money!

i keep asking how the flat-hunting is going (hint hint) yet he just says "oh the rents in london are so high i cant find anything". We have 2 children and i f**king hate queueing up for MY bathroom every morning while he takes 30mins in the shower!!!!!!!!!!! And when i finally get in the bathroom, he'll be knocking at the door saying "are you going to be long??"
when i ask my dh to ask him how long he will be staying, dh just says "why dont i just tell him you want him to leave?" So that would make me look awful!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAggggggggggggggghhh

If he wants it to work,he has to go.
It puts intolerable pressure on a family and a relationship.
Why are yu even still argung the point?
Do ittonight!

How do other families with a lodger manage?? i remember an old friend of mine who had 2 kids and a lodger, and i dont remember her ever complaining! (mind you , he probably paid her some RENT!!!)

Usually you have a proper agreement with a lodger, they pay and they have rules of behaviour.

Well i said at the start "lets draw up an agreement" and the mate laughed and said "im only here 4 nights a week and i sleep in the bloody loft!!" (true)

Getting in a mood and being snappy will not solve the situation at all - just make it easier for dh and this freeloading idiot to gang up on you.
They are walking all over you - inviting his gf and kids to stay??

Take control calmly.

"It''s worked well, but as you all knew it was a temporary arrangement and you and the kids would now like some family time and you would like to give him a month's notice" and name the date.

Your dh isn't there most of the time, it's mostly your house, you can give him notice. Don't wait for your dh to do it, he'll fudge. YOU want this guy out, get a grip and get him out. it won't be as bad as you imagine.

4 days a week is over half the week and he is still preventing you using the loft room.

His mate laughing when you suggested a written agreement shows that he has NO SHAME. As others have said, there's no reason to assume things will change since he's sitting pretty. His embarrassment threshold is clearly so high that there's no way you're going to be able to shame him out of here, so there's no way round Telling It Like It Is.

We've had lodgers intermittently without affecting our family life too much, but (a) they were short term, so we knew there was an end to it; (b) they were business school students so only came back late to sleep; and (c) they were paying us rent. Also we have a big house with two bathrooms, so not on top of each other.

Do it tonight, in the form Blu suggested.

Is he implying that you should be grateful that he's only there for 4 nights?

Cheeky sod.

Sod the putting the washed clothes in a bucket, I'd put them still dripping beneath his duvet for him to find when he crawls off pi**ed to bed. Do the same with dirty dishes.

Turn the taps on full when he's in the shower, make him freeze. Even better, if you have a combi boiler turn it off when he's in there so he dosen't take up any of your electricity heating the water.

Print off single A4 pages with "30 Days till I have to leave", "29 days..." etc. Put a new one on his door every day.

Whenever some future plan is mentioned just add in "Of course, you won't be living with us any more by then..."

And he's using other rooms in the hosuse and using the facilities. Does he contribute to the utility bills? No. So kick him out and the sooner the better.

The more you post the more of a selfish git he sounds.

Apart from anything else there could be council tax implications here. For this reason as well the freeloader so called "friend" of DH's has to go!!. Your DH and by turn your good self have been are are being taken for fools.

You cannot work on rebuilding your relationship with your DH if there is this third person in your house.

You're going to have to get tough because your DH keeps ducking the issue. If you do not act he'll be there this coming Christmas.

Get a copy of You, Me and Dupree and all watch it together!

So he laughed at you for suggesting there should be ground rules for him to live in your house. He's telling you how little you're doing for him - he's "only" there for more than half of every week, he sleeps in the loft which is the only room you've got, not even a bedroom for your own child - compared to, what, a luxury hotel? It's your home.

You got things arse about, girl. Ditch that crippling sense of guilt. I can't understand why you have such a problem with DH telling him you want him to leave. It's the TRUTH! Of course he won't take a hint, it's not in his interests to understand. By all means blame it on the little woman having PMT. fume (That would so have been the last straw for me.)

Well, since you think such bad things about such a nice bloke, you'll burn in hell anyway. So you might as well go the whole hog and chuck the beggar out.

The idea of some bloke leaving skidmarks in my loo makes me want to heave.

I would pack his stuff today and leave it by the front door.

Guilt is a useless emotion.

not sure what you have to lose by telling him he has x days to quit. Does he work , is he claiming benefit ? He is taking you for a ride by not contributing and expecting you to do his washing . Can't he take it to his gf's?

I will tell dh to tell him tonight, if he doesnt, then i will. the mate has been clearly trying to help out recently, i even found him washing up MY things this morning! (makes me feel even more guilty)

The worst thing actually is that he and dh stay up really late (ie 1am) laughing and being LOUD when im trying to sleep in our small house-where-you-can-hear-every-word-being-spoken...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What on earth is there to feel guilty about?
Good luck, anyway.

oh and he does leave lovely shits down our one and only loo...

oh I hate house guests

tell him to sling his freeloading hook

"I will tell dh to tell him tonight, if he doesnt, then i will. the mate has been clearly trying to help out recently, i even found him washing up MY things this morning! (makes me feel even more guilty)".

No - you both stand in front of his as a couple and tell him he needs to leave as of now. Infact I would get his things ready this afternoon in bags and tell him he's got to go this evening. Where he goes is not your concern. Washing up your things at this late stage is just a tactic to make you cave/feel guilty. He's still not paying rent is he?. Do not cave in front of the freeloader!!!. He will continue to walk over the pair of you otherwise.

"The worst thing actually is that he and dh stay up really late (ie 1am) laughing and being LOUD when im trying to sleep in our small house-where-you-can-hear-every-word-being-spoken..."

This is also unacceptable?. Who is more important to your DH - his family or the freeloader?. The issues with your DH will need to be tackled when freeloader has left.

do it!!!!

good luck! x x x

yes i guess i fear that kicking his mate out will upset my dh and make him resent me more......he already thinks im a selfish cow and this will only reinforce it.