Page 12 | Giving up my children

Throughautomaticdoors · 2016-06-30T18:02:01+00:00

I've had severe pnd for six months and nothing has helped. I feel like I'm either going to end up dead or as an inpatient. The only way I can see to avoid those things is to leave dh and give up any access to my children. I know my parents would still want to see them. Would that just be at the discretion of dh and his mother who he would go and live with? If I'm ever well enough to work I presume I'd pay maintenance?

HopperBusTicket · 08/07/2016 17:24

OP - how are you? Is there anyone local you can reach out to? I cried on a neighbour I didn't know very well and she was so kind and is a friend now. She would take the baby sometimes so I could sleep. One good thing I found is that there are many kind people in the world who want to help if they know you're having a tough time. You can pay it back later.

BastardGoDarkly · 08/07/2016 19:13

Sweetheart, are you alright?

nilbyname · 08/07/2016 22:15

Hey are you ok? Can you check in with us?

Scribblegirl · 09/07/2016 10:43

Hi automaticdoors - how are things this morning?

nilbyname · 10/07/2016 10:41

How are you feeling today? Come and say hi? Xx

Aerfen · 10/07/2016 11:53

I do hope automaticdoors hasn't had a crisis.
Wish she'd check in.

toothgenie · 10/07/2016 12:06

This website is a good source of information.
www.b12deficiency.info/b12-and-mental-health/
There is a link between B12 deficiency with patients taking metformin.
This could be checked by your Dr just in case, if they haven't already done so?

Original poster

Throughautomaticdoors · 10/07/2016 12:13

Hi I'm still here!
Had a bad couple of nights with dd barely sleeping. There's nothing wrong, she just was awake. For three hours. I felt awful yesterday morning but made myself take ds out.
I heard from healthy minds yesterday, just an initial assessment letter but hopefully that means cbt will come through.

I'm still very worried about rotavirus!

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Original poster

Throughautomaticdoors · 10/07/2016 12:13

Thanks all got thinking of me xx

OP posts:

Sofabitch · 10/07/2016 12:18

I remember feeling like this. It is the worst. It.really does pass though. Take one day at a time. Talk to your dh and your gp. Or even the health visitor there may be groups out there that can help.

Pnd can be very hard on a marrige sometimes i think men dont know how to respond so just shut down.

Aerfen · 10/07/2016 12:34

Glad you're not so bad.
Could your mum, or maybe a sister, SIL or aunt who you get on with, and unlike the MIL, can trust, maybe come and stay to give you a bit of help for a few days, help you tidy the house up, look after the baby for a few hours while you get some sleep and to give you a bit of a break?
You dont mention your own family much, are you American by any chance and dont have them in this country?

Original poster

Throughautomaticdoors · 10/07/2016 12:45

No but my family is only me, my mum and my dad. That's it. I have no siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles. I have one very elderly and infirm grandmother but apart from that it's just the three of us...

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Aerfen · 10/07/2016 15:17

And your mum cannot help? She must surely be anxious about an only daughter, that is if you have told her how rotten youve been feeling.
Back on the rotavirus, have you sought any reassurance from your GP, told her how worried you are?
You do realise that the rotavirus vaccine is very new (2013) and generations of children have grown up without being hospitalised never mind dying due to it? The main reason for the vaccine is to keep down NHS costs due to hospitalisation not to save lives since an estimate of only three a year were dying from it anyway, and one with as vigilant a mother as you certainly isnt at risk! These will likely be either babies who are very young and vulnerable or older babies with clueless or negligent mums who didnt see a doctor. and let them become seriously dehydrated. In fact your son cant have had it and he's not died either!

Aerfen · 10/07/2016 15:19

www.bmj.com/content/350/bmj.h2867/rr-1
And look at this. The vaccine is as risky as the illness!

nilbyname · 10/07/2016 22:16

He op sorry to hear you've had some bad nights, that's tough. Did your DH step up?

MrsCookieMonster78 · 10/07/2016 22:48

Op, I'm not even going to discuss the RV vac because actually it just feeds into your obsession and doesn't help you (and you have had lots of reassurance already).
Sorry if this is insensitive but the BF, expressing schedule seems madness to me for someone who is exhausted and basically looking after 2 small children alone. Can you use formula for some of the feeds, maybe at night and she may also sleep longer for you. I know sleep is no cure for PND but it certainly can't hurt.
Also, I know you mentioned how difficult it was for your parents but I think your perception of this is not necessarily reality (I don't mean to be offensive) and you need to lean on them and get them to help you with day to day stuff, I can't imagine that they don't want to unless they have ill health. Can they take your son for tea after school a couple of days a week or during the school holidays?
Rather than having your MIL at your house could your son go there for an afternoon? I know you don't like (justifiably by the sounds of it) but if she gets on with DS and is not harmful to him then use it to your advantage.
Please get yourself some practical help and keep pushing the GP to get help asap

MrsCookieMonster78 · 10/07/2016 22:48

Op, I'm not even going to discuss the RV vac because actually it just feeds into your obsession and doesn't help you (and you have had lots of reassurance already).
Sorry if this is insensitive but the BF, expressing schedule seems madness to me for someone who is exhausted and basically looking after 2 small children alone. Can you use formula for some of the feeds, maybe at night and she may also sleep longer for you. I know sleep is no cure for PND but it certainly can't hurt.
Also, I know you mentioned how difficult it was for your parents but I think your perception of this is not necessarily reality (I don't mean to be offensive) and you need to lean on them and get them to help you with day to day stuff, I can't imagine that they don't want to unless they have ill health. Can they take your son for tea after school a couple of days a week or during the school holidays?
Rather than having your MIL at your house could your son go there for an afternoon? I know you don't like (justifiably by the sounds of it) but if she gets on with DS and is not harmful to him then use it to your advantage.
Please get yourself some practical help and keep pushing the GP to get help asap

BottomleyPottsSpots · 10/07/2016 23:04

Hello. I'm so sorry to hear everything you're going through at the moment. It sounds like you have taken some good steps forwards, but I do wonder whether your GP / perinatal team are aware of the severity of your symptoms at the moment. Do they know that you have been having thoughts of suicide?

I know that you are very committed to expressing and feeding BM and I respect that and will not suggest that you stop altogether unless you want to. I expressed for my first child for a very long time. Practically speaking, what kind of a breast pump are you using - double electric? Hands-free? By 6 months I was able to drop my sessions to 3 times per day (morning, 6pm, just before bed) and do both breasts at the same time. I'm just wondering if there's any changes you could make to the expressing arrangement to avoid you having to do it in the night - at 6 months old it shouldn't be necessary to express overnight at all as your supply is established.

Second, my first child did end up catching rotavirus and was admitted to hospital, so would appear in the sort of statistics that you're worried about. Honestly, she was in for a night and then discharged. All they really did was monitor her temp / urine output. In the vast majority of cases, this is all that would happen (alongside some oral rehydration). The nurses said that being fed expressed BM had probably helped her avoid needing rehydration, which I think is what you've heard about it? Honestly - it wouldn't have been the end of the world if she had.

Please keep posting

dangermouseisace · 11/07/2016 12:16

hi OP. I had bad PND, then bad depression. It is the depression talking about leaving the kids. Don't do it. It won't always be like this and you will be in the situation where you won't believe you even considered it

nilbyname · 13/07/2016 12:31

How are you feeling, is your baby sleeping any better?

Original poster

Throughautomaticdoors · 14/07/2016 08:17

Thank you for thinking of me.

I'm pretty much the same I guess, I think I just have to accept that this is how it is now and just try and put a brave face on it until the children are older and can manage better without me. It's not their fault their mother is so useless is it? Dh away again for the next week or so...

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nilbyname · 14/07/2016 19:10

So how many weeks have you been on your current does? I would head back to the go and demand a higher dose or a different drug? You mentioned some talking therapy has that come through yet?

DH being away-
CBeebies is your friend, as is simple pasta dishes, cheese on toast, colouring in and trips to the park.

Be kind to yourself, yours a good person.

Aerfen · 15/07/2016 01:43

Throughautomaticdoors
I'm pretty much the same I guess
Glad to hear youre still around and keeping your head above water, if only just managing to do so.

, I think I just have to accept that this is how it is now and just try and put a brave face on it until the children are older and can manage better without me.
This is not 'how it is' indefinitely. Your children will get older, your DD will start sleeping through the night, she will be crawling and walking and talking, and you will stop worrying about rotavirus and feel less exhausted when you stop BFing and start sleeping properly. Things can only get better, and they will.

It's not their fault their mother is so useless is it?
They have got a brave loving and caring mother who is struggling to cope with a debilitating condition and with very little support. Your children are extremely lucky to have you!

Dh away again for the next week or so...
That is tough. Was thinking about annoying MIL and while its dangerous to let her get much influence over your children, would she be willing to come round and give you a bit of practical help, tidy the house, make a meal?

Alternatively as DH seems to have a good job, if money isnt in short supply how about getting an agency cleaner in to do a bit of a spring clean? It might perk you up a bit to have the place sorted out.