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Original poster

How is he doing it ?

196 replies

Purplespy · 26/06/2016 19:27

My DP likes to know my every move. At first it was in a nice way but now it's ridiculous . We have been together three years and his ex cheated on him so I can understand some of his insecurities .
However ... He has been working away for two days and I always find this is when he is at his worst . He knew my general whereabouts for the couple of days he was away and when he was driving home he was quite cheerful when I spoke to him . I went to work of the evening and he text saying we need to talk . He asked me where I was on the morning if the first day he was away . I had told him I had been at home when i spoke to him on the day but I'd gone to the village shop and dropped a bag of stuff off at the charity shop . I try to keep it simple as to disarm him from the hundreds of questions he asks involved in a simple trip .
So ... He knew I had not been where I said I was but not until he got home
How ??? I've got no phone trackers on my phone etc so I'm bewildered . I think there are cameras in our house . He called me a liar and has not spoke to me for two days . I'm sure it is not the neighbours and he doesn't have any friends round here well enough to be watching me . He won't tell me how he knows but it's happened before that if one thing doesn't add up he's a nightmare .
Any thoughts ?

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 26/06/2016 23:28

I had an ex who did this, he always knew where I was, even years after we broke up. It got really scary, really scary. I had no idea about bugging and tracking devices, he was obviously using them.

Original poster
Purplespy · 26/06/2016 23:46

It's illegal surely

OP posts:
Hissy · 26/06/2016 23:59

IT is illegal love. Can you please contact the police and report this? Speak to womans aid too, for some rl listening.

sykadelic · 27/06/2016 03:21

There was a thread a few months ago where the OP found out her DH had been recording her from a spare phone. He'd come home and listen to the recordings.

I agree that he either has an app on your phone that you're unaware of, or a tracker in your car. I'd say there's a program on his computer that he checks when he's home. I think it's most likely that it's something in your car because most phone tracking apps usually have the tracker part on another phone.

ArmfulOfRoses · 27/06/2016 05:18

Please prioritise getting out safely, not trying to figure out how he's doing it.

New phone/laptop/tablet if possible or he'll know where you've gone.

joellevandyne · 27/06/2016 05:22

If you have made up your mind to leave, please do it as soon as possible and please update this thread when you do, OP.

I am sure I am not the only person who feels deeply uneasy about this situation and want to be sure you get out safely. Anyone who is controlling enough to be tracking your movements, whether with cameras or some kind of online monitoring, is a very unstable person.

blueskyinmarch · 27/06/2016 06:27

Your situation sounds awful. I hope you can find out how he has been monitoring you then I hope you can your DC can leave safely.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 27/06/2016 06:43

Have you checked for a camera outside the door? Driveway?

I'd do what someone else suggested, GET THE FUCK OUT, and pay someone to come and sweep the place properly. I'd ask the police first, but if they won't I'd pay someone.

Be safe

FolderReformedScruncher · 27/06/2016 07:14

A modest Google or a look at a Tandy/RadioShack catalogue will have you amazed at what is out there that is cheap and gives excellent quality video and audio. Things that can be hidden on a bookshelf etc. I am convinced an ex boss was recording me and my work colleagues as he had an eerie insight into what was said when he wasn't around. I left as it got too weird.

CakeAndChocolate · 27/06/2016 07:38

OP, I agree with everyone else that HOW he has done this isn't as important as getting out safely and soon.

Having said that, could it be something as simple as you left out a receipt from the shop and it has the time/date stamp on it?

CakeAndChocolate · 27/06/2016 07:38

OP, I agree with everyone else that HOW he has done this isn't as important as getting out safely and soon.

Having said that, could it be something as simple as you left out a receipt from the shop and it has the time/date stamp on it?

Original poster
Purplespy · 27/06/2016 07:48

I had a look at these gadgets from an earlier link , these cameras are in smoke alarms , plugs , adapters etc really scary . Anyway last night before I went to bed he told me he thinks I'm shagging around and he wants me out he doesn't trust me . He thinks that's what I was up to on Thursday . I asked him for evidence as was ridiculous . He said I'm not telling you but will tell you when you F off out of this house . I explained how he's made it difficult for me to say the most simple things because of his questions . He's not having it .

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplespy · 27/06/2016 07:49

No receipts only from the shop I went to which he knows

OP posts:
janaus · 27/06/2016 07:51

Do you have an I phone? There is a Location setting, not many people know about.
Or if you both have I phones, he could have set up Find My Iphone, without you knowing.

Original poster
Purplespy · 27/06/2016 07:53

Could he ???

OP posts:
fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 27/06/2016 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BalthazarImpresario · 27/06/2016 08:11

If you have an android and data on you can be tracked from your Gmail (if he knows password) . Find my iPhone can be used in the same way. It's purpose is so you can locate a lost/stolen phone and wipe it etc.
Apologies if this has already been mentioned

YouAreMyRain · 27/06/2016 08:22

So, his "story" is that he "knows" that you are shagging around.

Exactly like his ex Hmm

rosegoldie · 27/06/2016 08:25

He sounds terrifying. Get out now!

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 27/06/2016 08:27

You need to get out, you're not safe.

DoreenLethal · 27/06/2016 08:33

Just leave! Stay on someone's sofa if you have to.

He can put any monitoring items he wants in his own house.

Myusernameismyusername · 27/06/2016 08:33

Is it at all possible he just wants to end things and is scaring you on purpose?
I was gaslighted like this for some time but in actual fact there were no cameras or any such thing, it was a ploy to get me to dump him and mess with my head. The more awful he was to me the less I would want to be with him or so he thought and he could then claim he was the victim of ME to others,
, but he also enjoyed the push/pull of my trauma. He liked to break me down.
He's playing with you, claiming this 'evidence' he knows it will freak you out either way. You will become more scared and try to please him.
It's very scary, I would leave regardless of what you find in actual fact I don't think you will ever find anything. It's guess work and gas lighting

hellsbellsmelons · 27/06/2016 08:51

Well at least you have an 'out' now as he wants you to go.
So just get gone.
There was a thread very similar only a few weeks back.
She needed Womens Aid to help her escape.
This 'should' be quite easy now to leave but do it fast and do it with support.

There were probably many red flags with this controlling abusive asshole.
But you ignored them. Why?
Womens Aid run a course and you can do it on-line.
The Freedom Programme.
Please do it to protect yourself and your DC from anymore abusive dick-heads.

Original poster
Purplespy · 27/06/2016 08:55

*myuser that's exactly what he is doing and does . He makes me think everything is great then shatters it all over nothing and I'm left distressed and heartbroken . Each time it is becoming worse . Last night was the nastiest he could be calling me a liar a fantasist and a manipulator . He said it in a way anyone would believe him ! I stopped in my tracks and went to bed
I'm parked up some side road wandering if he's gone to work in the end . Will head back and sort my stuff .

OP posts:
Evergreen17 · 27/06/2016 09:00

On the other hand Hmm
If he was cheated on it is normal to be insecure (I was although I trusted my OH as he is just so lovely and honest)
So I guess I am wondering why you lied and didnt say you had gone to a charity shop. I think that is weird and you two probably have a lot of mistrust feelings at the mo.
I never lie to my partner