How is he doing it ?

[Purplespy]

My DP likes to know my every move. At first it was in a nice way but now it's ridiculous . We have been together three years and his ex cheated on him so I can understand some of his insecurities .
However ... He has been working away for two days and I always find this is when he is at his worst . He knew my general whereabouts for the couple of days he was away and when he was driving home he was quite cheerful when I spoke to him . I went to work of the evening and he text saying we need to talk . He asked me where I was on the morning if the first day he was away . I had told him I had been at home when i spoke to him on the day but I'd gone to the village shop and dropped a bag of stuff off at the charity shop . I try to keep it simple as to disarm him from the hundreds of questions he asks involved in a simple trip .
So ... He knew I had not been where I said I was but not until he got home
How ??? I've got no phone trackers on my phone etc so I'm bewildered . I think there are cameras in our house . He called me a liar and has not spoke to me for two days . I'm sure it is not the neighbours and he doesn't have any friends round here well enough to be watching me . He won't tell me how he knows but it's happened before that if one thing doesn't add up he's a nightmare .
Any thoughts ?

Yes it's a big Victorian house with an attic so anything could be anywhere
He doesn't have my password
And in reply to why I lied was because he is a nightmare if I do something like go to the shop he will want to know twenty questions attached to this

Sound like a loving and happy environment to live and raise a child.

I have checked everywhere in my car . He has no access to phone . I'm just looking at an AP which can indicate if hidden cameras around . I feel like asking my neighbours . Do you not think this could be wasting police time ? He's not aggressive I know just bloody controlling

Also whenever on whatsap he pops up asking who I'm talking to with a wink emoji but it's all the time and pisses me off

So leave him. Stop analysing everything and go or kick him out. Do you see how sinister his behaviour is? I don't treat my teenager like this.

Leave him

If you're thinking he has hidden cameras around, next time he goes out or too work etc, go under he stairs and turn the fuse box off, leave your phone at home and go out for a few hours but be home before him and turn the fuses back on.

Ignore any calls or texts he's sent and just wait for him to come home. When he gets home ignore his questions, don't tell him where you went, just nonchalantly say "Nowhere special"
keep a close eye on him, don't follow him or what have you bit just be mindful of where he goes and what he does.

If he has a recording device he will want to go and see it, he'll want to know why it hasn't recorded, he'll be driven to distraction. He might just betray himself with his behaviour and you may just figure out where it is.

He's tracking your online presence. He's tracking your movements. You suspect he might be filming you in your home, watching you. Does that sound like a perfectly sane rational unabusive man to you op? Is that someone you trust to have a feature in your child's life?

This is nothing to do with his ex, it's not sweet, it's not because he cares, this is really REALLY sinister.

Tbh, I would be seriously considering a new phone (and car tbh if finances allow) because it really does sound like he is tracking you.

I will do that tomorrow flacid . Before I leave or do anything like that I want to see what he has been recording and where it is so I can report this in the next day or so as I'm fuming and feel violated

Why? Why do you want to do this? You know he's tracking you, how he's doing it isn't important.

Fricking hell, I'd run for the hills.
Sounds like the creepiest jerk I've ever heard of.

I think this could be dangerous tbh.

A friend of mine put a tracker on his wife's car. She was having an affair but kept denying it. It only took him a few days to get the evidence he needed.

I think you know you cannot carry on living long term with someone so controlling and paranoid when you've done nothing to make him doubt you. If it's already reached a level where it feels sinister level then you just need to get rid of him as soon as possible.

bet you any money his ex didn't cheat - he probably just thought she did, kept accusing her and she walked.

Do you have an iPhone?

What's app is easily explained - it says when you were last active unless you turn it off. There are lots of apps which will monitor this - ranging from alerting someone when you're online (and therefore talking to someone) to sending conversation transcripts. The latter is much more difficult these days though.

My head is all over the place that's why . I know I need to end it and go I am that angry I've gone along with him wanting to micro manage my every move I feel I want to know what the hell he is up to

Yes I have an I phone but I've looked for such aps to alert when online but nothing . I've always felt he has some kind of message that tells him this

"Sounds difficult, but I think lying to him, however small, is only going to make it worse." if you are being tracked 24/7 and your every move is being questioned then sometimes lying is the only way to get any freedom.

My eXH was like this. Tracked my phone through iTunes, hid a bugging device in the house to listen to my calls, put key loggers on my computer as well as using a remote access tool to be able to see what I was doing. And if he didn't know where I was then he gaslighted me into thinking he did.

There is only one way out of this. The hills are that way.

I agree you need to get away. One problem is that if he is recording you, he will be recording you looking for the recorder. So he didn't know until he got home that you'd left the house? That sounds as though he can't spy on you remotely. That also sounds as though it's something quite amateurish that he's using as most of those things allow you to watch someone's activities from a distance. (I know about this legitimately!)

So he knew you'd left the house. That would indicate that there's some sort of recorder by the front or back door or by the garage, depending on how you leave the house. Do you have any smoke alarms there? That's the most obvious choice. Do you set a burglar alarm when you leave the house? Some of them can be checked for activity.

He sounds very unstable, though, and you're right to be worried. Do you have somewhere else you could stay? Do you work? How often does he work away?

Folder I remember that, the poster eventually found some sort of microphone or mini camera hidden in a plug socket in her living room and she showed us a photo of it.

Do you have Find My iPhone on your phone?

It could be something as simple as looking at the mileage counter on your car each day. In the end it doesn't matter how he's doing it, just the fact that he is doing it.