30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Glad you are starting to feel better Waving.
Woke up this morning and the first thing that popped in my mind was how we are supposed to have our pre-arranged phone call this Wednesday. Doubt it is going to happen though. I don't think I can cope with saying proper goodbye. Think it is better left as it is..

Waving it is hard isn't it, I just want to feel better and actually now think I feel worse than when we first split? I went into overdrive which I think helped but now I'm at the stage where I feel I have to face it.
I keep reliving things he's said and trying to make sense of what I was to him. He changed his tune quite quickly and I feel used, to get him over the ending of his marriage.
I found your other thread waving and I cannot imagine how it must feel to have seen him and his ex together, when you handed the bracelet back. I was only with my recent ex around a year but it feels very painful, no different than after my exh who I was with for 13 years!
I hope you are enjoying your holiday and it is helping?

Silk scarf, what is the prearranged phonecall for? I want to meet with my ex to talk but it isn't going to happen and I just couldn't face more rejection.

What an utter coward he is. What were the cruel methods he used? Might help talking about that if you're ready. Strange too how his ex has taken him back after he has been with you. I doubt it will last.
I know what you mean, heart pounding etc and the constant thoughts and torture.
Tips- distraction, write it down, deep breaths.. In some ways I don't want to remember the good times as it makes me too sad.
Can you still see her Twitter? ( I don't use so not sure how it works)

Good morning everyone. I think you're all wonderful on here for being able to deal with all this (I don't think some people do).
I can really empathise with you all after all I've been through in my 5 heartbreaking break ups.
Yesterday I was on my way to the supermarket and instead had a complete melt down was screaming with rage and sadness, carried on 50 miles to the beach, took off my jeans, walked in to the sea and threw myself under. I did it because I realised I can make myself face anything now and the sea represented a world of possibilities for me now. I do feel I'm slowly moving on.
I think making myself do different things now is helping.

Keep going everyone and make a vision of what you want your future to be.

Good morning JennyMe..
I really do think sometimes we need those dramatic moments to move us forward. Sounds like your inner strength is coming back through. I wish mine would. I'm hiding away, heart hurting and need to face up to it and talk about it more in real life. I've put on a false front for a long time which means I haven't connected properly to people.
What are you doing different to help?
I sent my last message on Saturday so I'm now day 2, however haven't seen him since mid June.

Waving- I know what you mean. Too raw for me to write down at the moment too.
That's very good self control not looking at her Twitter.
I sent my ex a text Friday night, not a good one but I apologised Saturday, he said it was ok and that will be it now. I also understand what you mean re boundaries.
I'm not sure if the reliving is normal- it must be as its happening to both of us! Brains way of processing I think

I think in time I will allow myself to remember the good bits. At the moment I'm holding onto the negatives as the good parts will break me.
I know I've learnt lots from him, his good side is amazing, I still love that side and not sure I'll ever find a match to that in anyone else. I F&£&@ng love him

Apple, the prearranged phone call was agreed because instead of breaking up we agreed to take two weeks break to think about it. A trial separation I suppose. I really don't fancy a "yay we managed to break up" conversation. It's just to painful

Silk, who is supposed to be calling who?

Waving, yes, I've found reliving the moments definitely does subside.

With this break up and leaving my second marriage, it's been a huge lesson for me.

From my first marriage I learnt not to tolerate them cheating on me or DV, the two relationships in between, I didn't learn anything really except that some men are just horrible and have their own issues. From my second marriage I've learnt to not just settle for someone out of fear of being alone and being hurt by someone else. From this last relationship I've learnt that I need to raise my self esteem, have some self respect and have boundaries and turn away from red flags. I've lived through an immense amount of pain but I think it's for a reason.

Apple, good question we had agreed to text in the morning and after a time. Guess it would be him as he is normally the one who calls.

Agree a time

I've found myself thinking it'll be four weeks on Friday, so I can message him then. I need to cut this thought pattern out right now. I'm so worried I will cave so I may be on here a lot on Friday, hope you don't mind.

Evening all. I'm back after quite an extended time of having to have contact most days. Had a counselling session this morning and felt more positive and of course wanted to tell him about it...I'm a git.

However I spent the time away reconnecting with friends after the past few very difficult years in which I turned inwards and didn't tell anyone what was going on - and therefore deprived my friends of the ability to help me. They like it better this way, when we can share with each other properly and they can give me their love and kindness. I am going to keep that up and contact them (and you lot of course) instead of him.

This is going to sound a bit strange but my first boyfriend (I was madly in love) died and it was horrible, just awful, but there was nothing to be done, nothing could be changed or improved, and I just had to live through it and one day I found myself realising that I would live after all and I went on to fall in love again. Today there was a tiny shift and I found I was feeling something similar. I've spent so long trying to fix our relationship, waiting for him to get better (depression) and change his mind...now I realise that it is over, the relationship is dead, and it can't be helped, and even though I tried really hard there is nothing that can be changed or improved, and perhaps one day I will love again. I am proud of loving with my whole heart and not being too scared to love.

I am exhausted though. Good luck to all of us.

Hi Hare, good to have you back and thank you for that positive post. A relationship ending is a bit like a little death and I guess we all need to grieve for it in our own way before we can come to any form of closure. And like bereavement I guess we have to work through all the stages of denial, anger, grief and finally acceptance.
I'm going to say toodleoo for now.
To any newbies, take a read through the posts here, loads of good and insightful advice.
To the rest of the gang, even if it doesn't always feel like it ,you are actually getting stronger day by day and getting nearer to your happier tomorrow.
I'm stepping off the NC bendybus now.It's been a privilege coming along for part of your journey. Hope some of my words helped, or at least made you ponder.
Onwards and upwards always! xx

Thank you Resilience for all your kind and wise words and everything you've shared - it's been hugely helpful.

Oh bye for now Resilience and glad you're back Hare. I've been wondering where you were.
I think I made a tiny bit of progress this afternoon. I was out with friends, I know one of them quite likes me and although I'm a way off dating again, I actually realised that he's quite a nice guy in a possible dating way. I wouldn't have even had that thought before. A glimmer of hope.

Jenny that is positive, very positive. I would love to think that is possible for me.

Hi all - I'm joining in the hope it will help me move on from my ex. He cheated, I kicked him out four months ago, he's now living with OW and has proposed to her.

We have a child together so in the early days I was sending photos of our baby to him. Then I would get upset cos he wouldn't acknowledge them.

He would text every day to ask how baby was. This has now stopped cos his new partner is putting pressure on him to distance himself.

At present I only see him every fortnight when he sees the baby. He has been phoning regularly to see how I am. This weekend he dropped off baby and suggested we have sex. Prat.

I've spent the last few days wondering if his partner would believe me if I told her he was already cheating on her. Imagining the glee at breaking up their relationship. Or her not believing me and it becoming very difficult with ex.

But what I want is to not give a shit about their sad relationship. To focus on my life and raising my baby. I'm hoping minimal contact, relating to child practicalities only might achieve this...