30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Day 8 today, feeling a bit low today.

Signed up with POF as a distraction more than anything I/e look around, talk to people... but omg. Think it is doing the opposite. Think I may never want to date again. It emphasises just what I have lost.

Good morning everyone. I watched this Youtube clip this morning and found it really helpful. When she started talking about parents, I really didn't want to watch but then realised that's my resistance as I know that's an area I've got to deal with. She's got some great advice about relationships though.

Silk, I'm staying off dating sites / dating until I've really sorted myself out as I know I'm going to feel worse and just get into another dysfunctional relationship. I panic that at 42 by not being with a man I'm wasting time / not making the most of how I look now but I think that's just my low self esteem talking.

Keep going everyone.

Today marks 3 weeks for me, this week in particular has been difficult but I'm so pleased to have made it this far. The support I've received here has helped so much. Soon I'll be at 30 days, it takes 6 weeks to break a habit so that's my new goal (have to move the goal posts or I'll call him on day 30)

Just wanted to say thank you. Reading this is helping.

Thank you all

I'm absolutely devestated. I'm home from holiday and my life has changed. He has now not just unfriended but blocked me on Facebook and whatsapp. This triggered me to call and leave voicemail and send messages but nothing. He lives 3.5 hours drive away. I feel so alone and like I can't do it. The last link has gone.

Applecrumbling, you really can do it. Don't give up on yourself. I think getting over some relationships takes a long time, especially if you've had something significant happen. Don't rush yourself and put pressure on yourself. In previous relationships, I didn't really know about going no contact and did all kinds of things and in some ways I think I had to to get it out my system and really had to go down to come up. Of course, I had no response at the time from them but I moved on eventually. Some men really are on a different planet from us, even when you've been close to them they go and do stuff, wired completely different to us.

Having a real low today. I want to call him. Hear his voice but I'm so not going to. Think a small. Chocolate bar is in order ... Absolutely no wine. Definitely not. The results if I have one too many could be a bit of a car crash...

Hi all, look at them blocking you as doing you a favour, it makes nc much easier as you can't contact or cyber stalk them even if you wanted to.
So mentally say a big "thank you" to them for that.
Apple, the fact he lives 3.5 hours away is also a big positive (though I know you don't see it that way right now). My ex lives same distance from me, and I now thank the Lord that he does as it means I am highly unlikely to bump into him unexpectedly, or see him out and about with his new girlfriend, or be tempted to turn up on his doorstep when drunk/hormonal/murderous/horny /all of the above!

Well after 7 weeks I just spoken to him. Had a few put downs from him and he was walking to the pub to meet friends and didn't stay on long. I told him I love him, he was very practical ie distance too much, it doesn't matter any more and 'job done'.. More rejection- however he said might catch up at the weekend?
I can't help but love him, the fact I was pregnant and had miscarriage makes it harder as double grief. Ok I'm probably being pathetic but I can't help it. I still love him but he's giving me nothing. I'm hurting myself and I'm so low just anything seems better than nothing.

Hug for you Apple. You aren't pathetic,just trying to make sense of a horrible situation

Apple you're not pathetic at all, I can't imagine how painful this must be for you especially having had a miscarriage you're so strong for getting this far. Of course you still love him, those feelings don't just switch off, it'll take time but you can get there and you will

Waving I have been following your threads. I'm on day 7 of NC and am determined to do this. I found this site datingasociopath.com/2013/11/16/why-breaking-no-contact-rule-is-a-very-bad-idea-after-an-abusive-relationship/ really hope this link works.

It talks a lot about the love bombing phase and what draws us too these people. Anyone can fall for it. It describes my ex to a tee and I didn't even realise I was dating a sociopath. When I found out I'd been had I laughed my head off as it all made so much sense, I wasn't crazy after all. Up until that point I felt so confused as to why I'd just been deleted and blocked from his life. This site made so much sense to me as a lot of the behaviours fit.

I'm so ashamed that I've let someone make a fool of me, the annoying thing is everyone else could see it but I couldn't, my friends warned me but I thought they just didn't get him. I'd only known him a few months. I will never let him back in my life and am now worried he'll try and contact me again at some point. I really hope he stays away.

waving don't contact him again because no good will come of it. Let those shoes and dress go, it's not important. Treat yourself to something else instead. I really hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Angleshades thank you so much for that link. My abusive ex contacted me by letter out of the blue last week (split in Jan, last contact April) and I have been weighing up the pros and cons for continuing with my nc and ignoring or writing back just to say "I'm fine so f@ck off"....I was very tempted to respond but that link has made it clear he is trying to manipulate me and that continuing nc is the only way.Thanks again x

Good morning, it's a lovely sunny one and I hope all of you get to have even a little bit of sunshine in your life today.

The first thing I do in the mornings now before I let any other thoughts in my head is to listen to a self esteem meditation and that is starting to help.
I think it would be really wonderful if we can all keep going and in a few months be able to write back and be in a much better place.

Apple, you're on such a journey, keep writing on here, you've been through such a lot but I think you'll get back up in life and much much better is to come for you.
I once had a bf who I was absolutely devastated over when he suddenly just shut me out of his life (I actually had to leave a job I had just started that I spent the last two years training for as I was completely unable to cope with the break up and the work so I had no income and no idea what I was going to do and everyone was talking about me). Out of being absolutely floored by life, I by chance saw a job advert for a 'way out job', applied, got it, it was the springboard to a series of great jobs and a few months later on a chocolate wrapper!!!! he wrote to me and said he was sorry, he'd been an idiot. I wrote back and told him it was too late and to get lost.

Thanks so much all. I received a text from him last night saying he loves me but practicalities mean we can't be together. I'd distance. That confuses me as we knowingly made a baby together and the plan was for me to move.
I've cried again this morning, trying to face up to this is really it. JennyMe thank you, you're right I shouldn't put pressure on myself. I feel broken.
On a positive I have started anti depressants in the hope it will releave some symptoms, ups and downs, crying, confusion, unable to think clearly. I think these are natural reactions however in this world we somehow have to keep going, keep a roof over our heads and look after our children.
Waving - I'm glad you're enjoying quality time with your kids. Hope your beach day is a good one x

Resilience- thank you. Yes I'm trying to make sense of it but it isn't coming to me as yet.

Ok so I've cried all day whilst tidying the house. I'm worn out. Does anyone have any tips of how to make it feel 'real'..? I'm especially finding it hard due to it being a long distance relationship anyway and not seeing him very often.
Hope you are having manageable days x

Waving- yes a journey. How many times do I have to go on this journey? My heart was broken after my marriage ended after 13 years. I hope one day it makes sense.

It really is a journey.

It's a crying day today, maybe that's good. I sat in the corner of my large garden and have cried and cried. I've even cried thinking of all your experiences.

We all need to be with people who love us, care about us and want to be with us. I think after we've understood what has happened we'll meet those people because we'll understand ourselves better.

saw this today and thought of you all..
I hope you make it to a place one day where you can look back on the past and not have any regrets at all. I hope you learn something from everything you went through, and use that as motivation to become an even better human being. Life is not fair but it is still beautiful. Don't let a few bad experiences determine how you live the rest of your life. Don't let one or two failed relationships prevent you from bringing your wall down and being fully embraced by love one day. Look for the silver lining in your clouds until the sun shines your way again.

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