30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

I think I haven't cried much which was why I cried when I was reading the Louise Hay book. It was 2 years but I think it's an accumulation of my past relationships too and worry about raising my ds totally alone.
I'm out with a friend today so I'll have a good time.
Maybe we're all meant to have had these relationships so we meet a better person for us at the right time.

Waving- I felt numb too but now the crying/ grief coming. I'm also starting to get very angry. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or destructive?
I agree we need to be around people who genuinely care about us.
Jenny - have a lovely day

I had to fight to get to 3 weeks, now I'm on day 23 and I've dreamt of him for the last two nights, I've started checking his Facebook again as well and even though I've lost the urge to call or text him I wish he would contact me. Im hurting so badly, I expected it to be a lot easier by now, those of you who have made it past this point, how long did it take you to stop missing them?

Thank you Waving and Apple.
Flurple, I think it takes much longer than I expected to get over this. I think I had it in my head that 30 days would make me feel better. For me it's nearly 7 weeks now which I'm glad I've got to as with each week I understand better what happened.
I'm not sure I miss him as such now, more that I miss having someone significant in my life to love and to love me. I can now imagine and hope for being with someone else as I now see the big negatives of our relationship so I think it's the feelings I miss more than actually him.

Thanks Jenny, I'm so annoyed that I can't see myself getting any stronger although I know I am having made it to 3 weeks, that wasn't easy in itself.

Marking my place aso I need to get off the sofa, stop crying and be a better mum.

It finnished Sunday. Nearly 3 years, after my 16 year marriage ended. I don't want it to be over but it has to be. 2 years of on / off DV. He's been bailed to move a long way away and have no contact. Obviously that's right, obviously I have to stick to it. I need the enforced distance or ill go back like every other time. But it doesn't stop my emotions, doesn't stop me loving him or obsessing about wanting him back or at least some contact. Doesn't stop my heartbreak or wishing he'd make some sort of contact.

I'm going to read through this thread later and hope it helps me make a start

Sorry some of that makes no sense.

We'd been together 3 years. Walked straight into this relationship as my 16 year marriage ended. Clearly it should have been a rebound fling. But I was swept off my feet. And 3 years of a rollercoaster of hurt and a very intense unpredictable relationship followed.

Well I'm back...so sorry that I contacted him that morning! just led to another couple of weeks of grief and putting me back to square 1. I'd have been almost 30 days by now instead of day 1
What killed me was the whole mixed messages..I love you, I want a future with you then always to follow the 'but'
I've always been fun and optimistic and no matter what's been thrown at me - at trust me lots has - I've kept true to me.
I don't recognise myself now. The mess I've become.

Youwould, that's exactly what stops me messaging, he would do that to me, I only know because that's how NC normally goes for me, I'm sorry you feel like this, just think, you're a little bit stronger now (although I know it doesn't feel like that right now)
Next time you want to message him, come on here and post, it's what I've been doing and it's really helped.
I am going to be drinking tonight, so I have to give my best friend my phone and go out phoneless relying on her phone, the temptation has been so strong today I don't want to risk giving in.

Thanks Flurple...really want a drink too but just can't risk it..Really need to try to find something to make me focus on something else for a while

I sent a text. Read and no reply. Couldn't feel more needy, tbh.

Had a missed call from him on my phone.. Didn't call him back (yet). Patting myself on the back...

I have the Louise Hay book sitting here on the shelf. Think it was a present from a friend years ago. Never read it. Do those of you who read it find it helpful in this situation?

Thank you xx

I'm reading the book at the moment and it's been really useful. Feeling quite raw from some of it though but I need to really look at my issues now.

I tried to write a list of what I miss about him but I really can't pin point what it is and realised most of what I miss I could likely find with someone else who won't treat me so badly. I can write a long list of what I don't miss though.

I miss having someone to share things with. I've got some great friends for support but I really need to face my fear of being alone and sit being alone out.

I can completely understand how some of you have contacted them though, I've had some real highs of achievements lately and I have no one really significant to share them with and that's when I really want to contact him.
A friend said today how he couldn't believe how I felt inside when everyone sees something so different on the outside. I was trying to explain that if you haven't had a good childhood, as an adult you have to relearn a lot of the messages you've been taught about yourself and how you look to others can bear no relation to what you think of yourself.

Thank you Jenny, will give it a go. I think I need to work on myself too. I miss sharing things with him the mist although we were long distance we spoke on a daily basis. Often about things which were totally insignificant but I miss it...

Good morning.

Waving, I think you're right about learning to love your own company as that's what I'm learning to do.

This morning I woke up and my brain has been trained to think of him first thing (unless I've got something big on that day) so I am slowly retraining it. In fact I'm slowly retraining my whole self. I am having to undo years of training of thinking negatively about myself and my life.
It's slow progress but everyday I feel a little different.

I miss telling him things because I need to have someone tell me I'm a great person because I haven't been able to do that and believe it myself (until now).
I really need to start believing that I deserve better now.

I know it sounds awful but I quite like my own company. I think i learnt to do so during the last 10 or so years of my marriage. We stayed together for the sake of the kids. Think we both stopped trying so it was a terribly lonely time. I met the last guy via work, think that's why I find it so difficult to meet men. I'm very sociable at work and in my own circle of friends but I seldom break my routines. I find it hard work. I't a barrier I need to break as I'm never going to meet someone on the sofa or via my current circle of friends. Signed up on POF earlier this week. Haven't even bothered to log in in days!!! I need a kick up the bum!

Being happy in your own company is a good thing, Silkscarf. Better to be happy in your own than miserable with someone else.
After humming and harring about whether to respond to the letter the EA ex sent me, I realised it wasn't worth reopening that particular can of worms and so I burnt it in my friends garden on Friday night, while they clapped!
Very cathartic.
Onwards and upwards all x

Missing him have space on my own as my ds away with his dad.. So much hurt and pain. Feel like I'm being stabbed in my chest..

Apple, have a look at my original post "4 year relationship finished today and I am gutted".
I felt exactly the same as you 7 months ago, and I know it hurts like hell and I know you feel like you will never get through it, but believe me you will. I look back at those early posts and I am in a much much better place now.
Hugs for you

I'm really fed up resilience. I know logically in 6 months i will be in a better place, I've survived divorce, then abusive relationship, the latest split is with someone who I really thought could go somewhere, however it was long distance and I'd have to move. Miscarriage in March, now he has disappeared. Blocked me on FB and whatsapp and I think there may be someone else, although he denies. I just don't know how to change my life, feel stuck.. Praying for a miracle

You are allowed to be fed up, upset, angry .You are grieving for what you had, what you've lost and the future you hoped you'd have. It's hard and its horrible. You have to get through it day by day. Believe me,if I had a magic wand I'd wave it for you (and make a fortune!)

2 months on guys, things feel better. I've had a rubbish day today but I spend more time not thinking about him than thinking about him.

Today I cleaned using one of his tshirts - i ripped it up with some satisfaction

Hang in there girls - the best quote I've seen was "when you hit rock bottom you know the only way things can go is up". It's true.