orange my H was similar- behaved as though this came totally out of the blue, which had the unexpected (for him)result of me getting really annoyed. It just confirmed what I suspected- if it wasn't work or golf, he really didn't listen or even care very much. I also think that there was an element of 'Oh she'd never divorce me; I can behave how I like', iyswim?
I also tried not to be critical of him directly; unfortunately it didn't seem to work because he kept batting away what I was saying. In the end I'm afraid I cracked and there were quite a few stinging words said- brought about, I'm positive, by my frustration over many years' worth of not being listened to...
Iron- hang in there. It's hard work staying strong enough to do this, very draining, but the end result will be worth it.
welsh- I used H's determination to suddenly be Husband and Father of the Year to my advantage, by saying to him that I was really happy he'd recognised the need to step up as it would help him in his future life. I did the broken record thing- that it was too late for us, but was pleased that his relationship with ds2 would benefit from his new attitude.
I also have the feelings of guilt, sadness etc. Not helped by H's assumption that I don't feel anything and am really hard-hearted. He moved out most of his clothes etc last week, leaving his chest of drawers empty and free to be used. I opened up one drawer and found he'd left two birthday cards I'd given him years ago. Must admit I got a bit tearful.
But then yesterday I started filling the drawers with my stuff 
and felt really happy that I didn't have to cram all my clothes into too small a space. 
So up and down, to be expected. I had a good night out on Saturday with close friends who have been with me every step of the way and were determined to see I relaxed and had fun. It helped enormously.