Hello lovely peeps. Special shout out to ironneonclasp amd lostlonely hotwaterbottle and shandybass simple because you were there when I began this journey.
I havent had a chance to read the thread but I want to give a beacon of hope update.
I am 6 months post conversation, dc 2 and 5 , One week afterwards he moved out.
I was numb for the first three months. Ambivalent. Scared. Then I had a meltdown i Nov. Signed offf work till now. Ex was harassing me/name calling/readimg my emails and you'll see from other posts behaving as if blindsided despite years of un happiness. That and the bereavement and I was surprised at how I still felt co flicted at timess although that IS part of the grieving process and seeing it as such and not a genuine desire was helpful.
The run up to xmas was hard, i was v tearful and sad thinking of past times and guilt. Christmas itself we did as co parents. For us all exceeded expectations. Better than previous xmases because there was a sense of relief....no more pretending!
Where we are at now...I do not for one second regret my decision. I enjoy my own company. I sometimes date (someone referred to feeling alive again. Yup!). Ideally someone further away/with kids as this reduces expectation on them! Ihave renovated the house. I have got my first tattoo. I have got my first vibrator (seriously my mojo has woken up!). I liftimg weights, playing guitar. I'm planning my first ski trip.
My kid's are infinitely more settled and happy. They have fallen into the routine (thiugh hard at first). I'm financially independent and we have been able to afford separate living.
I feel stronger, more organised, more extroverted, clearer in my thoughts. I look forward not back.
I hope this helps. It s not all plain sailing and itS hardr before its better but here I am 6 months on. Oh and I'm back at work. Xxx