Has anyone managed to.....

[Flyingdoggles]

......get their do to do more around the house and actually keep it up

At the moment I do 99% of the housework and I've had enough. On the whole other than that our relationship is fine but it's got me so fed up rows are getting started all the time.

We both work full time but he says he's tired or busy or wants to relax in the evenings. I can't stand the mess so end up doing the cleaning or tidying so it's done.

I've tried suggesting we get a cleaner and got a no, I've left the cleaning undone but I caved first, i left the recycling for a while and it didn't get taken out

Any suggestions on how to fix this would be much appreciated

I think he has deep rooted communication issues.
Probably passive aggressive tendencies. So instead of putting his feelings out, he pulls them in leaving you forever wondering and assuming. But if it isn't followed up by either actions or words that make sense then keep on the Leave him plan.

Sounds like you've started to really evaluate your relationship. Great. Whilst you're letting it all percolate, maybe mull over the following:
Do you think he respects women in general?
Do you think he respects you in particular?
Does he believe that you are equal? That men and women should be equal?
That you should be trusted to socialise with friends of your choosing?
That men and women should be equal at home and in the workplace?
What about childcare?

If he doesn't respect women in general and you in particular, life isn't going to get any more pleasant, especially if you have children.

Tbh, being condescending would be enough for me.

Some really interesting things to think about there, thank you

I don't feel respected and he has made comments before about preferring to hire men when he was running a team. But that did come from someone elses advice I believe