Has anyone managed to.....

[Flyingdoggles]

......get their do to do more around the house and actually keep it up

At the moment I do 99% of the housework and I've had enough. On the whole other than that our relationship is fine but it's got me so fed up rows are getting started all the time.

We both work full time but he says he's tired or busy or wants to relax in the evenings. I can't stand the mess so end up doing the cleaning or tidying so it's done.

I've tried suggesting we get a cleaner and got a no, I've left the cleaning undone but I caved first, i left the recycling for a while and it didn't get taken out

Any suggestions on how to fix this would be much appreciated

Listen to your instincts on this one. You already know he treats you with less equality in domestic matters than your previous exes, who got on with stuff. I would want a father to get on with tasks without being asked to, the majority of the time. You know, like you do. It's good that you're asking yourself these questions about the future, before committing to anything. You're far too young to be living a life like this, you have so much ahead of you. Don't blow it.

I'm not planning to blow it, I want children but with the right man

Good to hear it :)

I hope it works out for you op and he steps up.

It's always easy for those who only know part of the story to comment. Only you and your dp can decide what's right for you. I bet if I posted about some of the stuff my dh does you'd tell me to ltb! (You would say the same to him if he posted about me!)

I haven't read TFT so sorry if I've missed anything!

So far so good

Give it a month or so and see. Moods and actions.

He sounds to have some bad attitudes.

I wouldn't even be discussing DC as a future possibility with him until you see whether he can change his ways (unlikely, sadly).

Oh I will, I'm not expecting it to last but to be honest I'm amazed it's even happened at all

How's it going op?

Oh if only I'd had Rabbit's advice 30 years ago - and the ovaries to go with it.

The housework was a major issue in my marriage, and one of the things I cited in my petition for unreasonable behaviour. To Ex, it was a triviality. To me, it was just another signal that we were not a partnership of equals

He's been away a fair bit with work, he's been better but still doing stupid things like not taking the rubbish out just over filling the bin

It's tough

In what way?

Flying that's a disgrace. The bin part. When a bin is full, you empty it. He does do this deliberately.

Hunt out the incompetent husband thread. That will open your eyes.

Look up passive aggressive. There's some great links in the incompetent husband thread.

Please tell him to jog on. Consider that he would never be this incompetent at work. He would never behave like this or drop the balls for his boss. So the fact he does it at home is sheer disrespect for you, for your relationship and the future is bleak.

You told him he need to step up and within days he is letting the bin overflow. Well, that's you told: Fuck you flying I'll do what I fucking like.

I didn't mention the bin directly, I just said loudly "oh the bins a bit over full".

He's said he's going to clean and tidy the first floor today, so far he hasn't. I guess he still might

He still might?! At 10pm?!!
You need to accept defeat love.
The miraculous change you were hoping for hasn't happened.
Time to move on.

yes, read the "incompetent" thread. Your eyes are open and your instinct is that this bloke isn't a good long term partner, you can just watch and see even more and when you're ready you'll move on.

I can hear him faffing up there, I'll go find out in a minute

But you may well be right

And Flying.... We may all sound like Bossy know it all types. But we don't want you to suffer what we have.

And boy, over many years, it is terrible suffering.

No its helpful

I just think its going to take me some time to accept it's over

He'd tidied and made the bed

I'm not saying this to persuade you to stay with him, but "tidying the first floor" is a bit vague. In my house that could entail ten minutes work or ten days!

Well the discussion was "what is left to do in terms of cleaning and tidying the house" he knew it needed hoovering and dusting too.

I'm in a terraced house so hoovering has to be done in reasonable hours to avoid disturbing neighbours. Just the kind of factor that is a) either not part of his thinking, or b) used as an excuse to not do it all by leaving it too late. (I am crap at housework, so (b) is my style - but I now live alone instead of with 1 lazy partner and 2 young adults who had no model of their father doing much housework )