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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel weird about drunken incident with BF

181 replies

FrazzledRick · 10/06/2016 04:48

It's a bit of a weird one. Been with BF about 3 months. Its been lovely, no issues at all. We went away for a long weekend last weekend. On Saturday, we went out and got really drunk. Well, I was really drunk. He seemed less so, he doesn't really take alcohol very well and often gets sick so he doesn't drink much. I'm making it sound like I'm an alcoholic, I'm not, I was just very drunk this night.

After we had gone to bed and fallen asleep he got up to go to the bathroom in hotel room to be sick. I remember coming round and hearing him. I know I should have got up to see if he was OK but I must have still been pretty drunk and as soon as I registered what was going on, I fell back asleep again. I did this a couple of times.

I'm not sure how long it was until he came back to bed, but I woke up again to him lying behind me talking at me, he was repeating "I know you're awake" and calling me a "bitch" and a "cunt" for not getting up to look after him. I felt really weird and pretended to be still asleep.

The next morning was like nothing had happened. He told me he'd got up to be sick and said "you were still asleep though" and I said "yeah, sorry I didn't hear anything."

I can't stop feeling weird about it. What went on there. Was it just alcohol? I actually don't know why I didn't get up to help him. I feel disturbed about his reaction though.

OP posts:
SarahAnderson · 10/06/2016 21:01

Well done OP. Now get the story out to your friends first! It's PR time

Mrstumbletap · 10/06/2016 21:25

OP you have just done something I wish I had done many years ago, you have had a very lucky escape. I'm so jealous happy for you!!! Flowers

GarlicSteak · 10/06/2016 21:29

YAY!! Well done, you Star

Feel utterly free to diss him to the mutual friends. He's a knob.

Gingeete · 10/06/2016 21:34

When is "cunt" ever acceptable?! Ditch him. What a waste of time.

TamaraHiddlestoned · 10/06/2016 21:35

Congratulations! You're freeeeeeee!!!!!!
I wish you a long & happy life, with all the millionaires (& their shortbread) that you deserve Chocolate

romoca · 10/06/2016 21:37

Well done op, pleased to hear you ended it Grinall the best for your future x

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 10/06/2016 21:42

Glad to be of help! Grin
Sorry you had such a long walk, but it must have helped pump your brain full of nice fresh oxygen. You were clearly on "thinking brain" and he was still on lizard brain. No contest. Well done! Star from me as well.

pinkyredrose · 10/06/2016 21:45

Well.done OP! He'll be playing the 'poor me' card, make sure your mates know how awful he really is.

AnyFucker · 10/06/2016 21:47

Don't you just love to see the penny drop ?

ChocolateChangesEverything · 10/06/2016 21:48

Wine Phew. Lucky escape. I would avoid him like the plague now - he might try a few tricks, he clearly likes to be the one in control. Well done.

Joystir58 · 10/06/2016 21:51

calling you a cunt and a bitch isn't love OP

KacieB · 10/06/2016 21:54

Well done op ... Now hold strong! The next few days and weeks might bring some regrets and minimising as you remember the good stuff - but try to remember how fucking creepy he is, and how horrified everyone here has been by it. You are well off away from him Flowers

Joystir58 · 10/06/2016 21:55

Excellent OP! So glad you didn't let this drag into a cycle of reward and punishment whereby little by little he diminished you

DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep · 10/06/2016 21:58

Goof effort OP. Never look back.

FrazzledRick · 10/06/2016 21:59

Thanks guys! Definitely means a lot. I spoke to my best friend who would never vote against me in anything and that was nice! Another good friend, who was also his campaign manager, called and I did tell her everything but she thought the midnight name-calling was just drunken and "we all know he's not great with drink". I also told her about today and I could tell she was just thinking "Oh Rick's such a ditz, typical Rick". I think I might distance myself from that one. Don't know why she Most of all seems to find it so difficult to think anything bad of him. She even said during the conversation "you know I've got a lot of affection for him but he can be his own worst enemy sometimes!" Which just sounds so totally enabling doesn't it? Like she's his bloody mother and he can do no wrong. She can keep him.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/06/2016 22:00

She is (manpleasing) ditz

AnyFucker · 10/06/2016 22:01

*the

FrazzledRick · 10/06/2016 22:13

Yeah she must be.

I've learned a lot from this thread and I'm actually very grateful. I've been reading a lot of the rest of board this week to. We were all so quick to vilainise his ex for cheating and to be fair my ex who she cheated on him with will treat her a lot better. So good luck to her.

OP posts:
KacieB · 10/06/2016 22:15

I can't imagine ever calling a friend to tell them they were wrong to end a relationship like that. Even if I privately felt a bit sad or "oh I hope they work it out" about it, I'd assume there were other things I just didn't know about and that it was none of my business.

So - daft nosy cow!

Hillfarmer · 10/06/2016 22:19

He was horrid to you when you said you loved him for the first time. Really.Nasty. You are worth more than that OP.

Ditch him. He'll get nastier as you go on. Doesn't matter if he has pursued you for years... abusers love a conquest.

Hillfarmer · 10/06/2016 22:19

Oops sorry failed to RTFT. Good luck OP!

UnGoogleable · 10/06/2016 22:22

Just read the whole thread... I feared the worst at the beginning, and breathed a huge sigh of relief at your update OP.

Well done, you've dodged a nasty bullet there.

I wouldn't be surprised if your friend is the next one to end up with him.

He sounds like a vile creep. Enjoy your millionaire's shortbread!

category12 · 10/06/2016 22:26

Well done, well done, op :D

Don't let any of your mutual friends make you feel bad about it - they're invested in the wrong place.

Go you! :D

Asprilla11 · 10/06/2016 22:52

I still think he had tourettes that he hid from you, he first said something to check if you were awake and when he thought you weren't he let out his tics, which in his case were swear words.

Poor man Sad

Grin
AnyFucker · 10/06/2016 22:53

What rubbish, Asprilla