Feel weird about drunken incident with BF

[FrazzledRick]

It's a bit of a weird one. Been with BF about 3 months. Its been lovely, no issues at all. We went away for a long weekend last weekend. On Saturday, we went out and got really drunk. Well, I was really drunk. He seemed less so, he doesn't really take alcohol very well and often gets sick so he doesn't drink much. I'm making it sound like I'm an alcoholic, I'm not, I was just very drunk this night.

After we had gone to bed and fallen asleep he got up to go to the bathroom in hotel room to be sick. I remember coming round and hearing him. I know I should have got up to see if he was OK but I must have still been pretty drunk and as soon as I registered what was going on, I fell back asleep again. I did this a couple of times.

I'm not sure how long it was until he came back to bed, but I woke up again to him lying behind me talking at me, he was repeating "I know you're awake" and calling me a "bitch" and a "cunt" for not getting up to look after him. I felt really weird and pretended to be still asleep.

The next morning was like nothing had happened. He told me he'd got up to be sick and said "you were still asleep though" and I said "yeah, sorry I didn't hear anything."

I can't stop feeling weird about it. What went on there. Was it just alcohol? I actually don't know why I didn't get up to help him. I feel disturbed about his reaction though.

[FrazzledRick]

I'm so sorry that happened to you aladinsane, glad you're out of it, and thanks for the wisdom

[NedStarksHead]

Just wanted to add my piece,

That does sound unnerving and my initial thought would be to find out if he has an abusive past?

Whispering behind you stuff like that just screams psychopath.
It might seem dramatic but just be on guard if you are going to stay with him, or consider it a lucky escape & LTB!!

[MrFMercury]

You know what you need to do and don't feel guilty for doing it. Please don't feel embarrassed because you can see a pattern now either, most of the time it doesn't occur to us to suspect someone we know of being abusive.
But you can see what he's like now and no gesture is grand enough to excuse his behaviour.
He will no doubt say to you and others "but I just took her to ROME. I'm heartbroken/been used etc" so tell people the truth. He made you feel unsafe and he's done the same to his ex. You are allowed to walk away for any reason or no reason, no one should try and shame you into staying x

[CopperPot]

It will escalate op. Please call him out on it. It sounds like no one ever does.

at the pillow thing. Why the hell would your friends want you with someone that did.that??

[CopperPot]

He called you a cunt 3 MONTHS IN.

despicable.

[Dozer]

just seen your post about the pillow with his ex!

Horrible. Sinister that this was also in bed. Definitely run for the hills. I bet the ex has opinions about him. His story is that she cheated - wonder what'd happened before that.

[FrazzledRick]

I don't think anyone really believed her. We don't really know her particularly well and she's not exactly been highly thought of after cheating on one of our good friends with one of his best friends. I don't know how a detail like that can get overlooked.

It all sounds very silly, but we are mid/late twenties honestly.

He is pretty popular. Men seem to really resect him and women like him a lot because he's quite quiet and aloof in a "sexy" way. It never really did anything for me as I am quite loud and silly but when we started getting really close last year, I seemed to be able to bring him out of his shell and he said I make him a happier person! Ugh! If I'm totally honest, I probably didn't want to get with him really.

Right, now I am rambling. I am going to do what I need to do. Thanks so much

[MyCatWasRightAboutYou]

I do think you're doing the right thing by ending it, especially now with you mentioning the pillow thing. 3 months is not that long to have known someone for. It sounds like it's taken him this long to show you what he's really like. It could have been the beginning of worse to come.

[SeasonalVag]

If my husband was awake and faking sleep while I puked up on the lavvy, I'd be calling him a few names too.

Cunt is awful though

[dangerrabbit]

Glad you've decided to dump, OP.

Personally, I would do it by text as he sounds potentially quite dangerous. I hope you haven't given him your keys? Get back any stuff at his today as you're staying over.

[rainbowstardrops]

I don't know why you didn't just call him on it the next morning???

'Oh by the way, you kind of woke me up getting back into bed and I heard you say .............. ' His reaction would have told you everything.

[Clangersarepink]

Well, there's "I've always liked you" and there's "I think you're perfect, I've wanted to posses you for years and now I finally own you". Two entirely different things. He's been perusing you for ages, has built you up in his mind to the perfect woman... but, surprise surprise, you're just a normal person. Can he make the adjustment? Doesn't look like it. He's angry at you for not living up to the fantasy version of yourself.

[DoreenLethal]

And what could you do exactly to help? Romantically hold his hair back and wipe his carrot chunks out of his beard?

I suspect he may have put his fingers down his throat to make himself sick [if he wasn't drinking much] just to put you in this position - doing it loud enough that it WILL wake you. But then again I am a cynical old thing.

Run - as fast as your legs can carry you. Don't get fooled by big doe eyes and tears.

And yes you absolutely can end it by text if you want. It is 3 months. And you know he can be abusive - hence ending it.

'Hi. I heard you calling me a cunt and bitch by the way. For not helping you. Which is not something a grown up needs help with - don't you think? I guess the very loud throwing up was just your way of waking me up and testing me. Which didn't work did it? So as you have shown me you are likely to be abusive, I just thought you should know that this is over. And no I do not want to meet up to talk about it. Fuckity bye now.'

[Roussette]

Yes, very weird and I would have challenged him straight away. He has shown his true colours.

You have been seeing him 3 months but are already telling him you love him?

[ExitPursuedByBear]

Great text.

[diddl]

"so I am guessing at that stage he'd accepted I was asleep."

In some ways that makes it worse?

That he would think that of you & not want you to know iyswim so that you are still together with you thinking that he loves you.

[Dozer]

Glad you're going to end it.

Not great of you and your friends not to believe the woman.

[Goingtobeawesome]

Bloody hell.

I'm worried about you as you were very quick to try and question if this was enough to finish this relationship. Yes it is and you really really should.

He attacked his ex physically, how sad no one believed her because she'd had an affair, and he's attacked you verbally.

Get the fuck out and most definitely do it by text. Make sure you are safe since he knows where you live etc.

[Eliza22]

No love, you are mistaken. This incident is so strange and he doesn't love you. Please end this relationship now.

[MyUsernameDoesntHaveNumbers]

Right, throwing my two penneth worth in.
Your partners ex cheated on him? The ex is ostracised to an extent and your partner is felt sorry for. you say the ex wasn't really listened to over her experience of your partner hitting her while she was asleep, vulnerable and unable to defend herself.
What happened to your ex who cheated with your partners ex? Was he ostracised or is it just the woman involved who are made to feel 'responsible' or 'to blame ' for the situation?
I am not sure that I would want to see the reaction of your partner when he finds out why you are leaving, why would his reaction matter? What he has done is very wrong, why give him a chance to 'win you round? '
Sorry for the ramble, leave this man and tell everyone why!!!

[AugustaFinkNottle]

I'm afraid it sounds as if he went after you because he hated being the person people felt sorry for, and wanted to make out that he never really wanted to be with his ex anyway.

It seems to me that if you know you get sick when you get drunk, the answer is obvious. And I have no idea how you're supposed to help a person who is throwing up. Certainly when I'm doing it I have absolutely no wish for an audience.

[MyUsernameDoesntHaveNumbers]

Posted too soon, I feel sorry for the ex who wasn't listened to - because she cheated.... Do you mean that people thought she 'deserved' to be attacked because she had cheated?
Please leave before you become that woman who isn't believed because she 'did something to deserve it'.

[category12]

I think how he reacted about you saying I love you in bed is really telling - your emotional responses are not good enough for him: something that should have been received with pleasure was criticised. I think that's a sign of things to come. That matched with the long pursuit (wearing you down to date him) - it's not love on his side, it's conquest. He's getting you on the backfoot so you're always sorry and always not good enough.

[ThePinkOcelot]

Seasonalvag- really, how old are you?! 4?!

OP, I'm still struggling with why on earth would you get up to "help" him being sick!! How old is he?! 4?!

I get up if my dds are being sick. Not DH though. He's old enough to look after himself. He doesn't get up for me, nor do I expect him to.

From what you have said, you have definitely made the right decision to dump his sorry arse!!

[CopperPot]

'Fuckity bye now' please send that