Feel weird about drunken incident with BF

[FrazzledRick]

It's a bit of a weird one. Been with BF about 3 months. Its been lovely, no issues at all. We went away for a long weekend last weekend. On Saturday, we went out and got really drunk. Well, I was really drunk. He seemed less so, he doesn't really take alcohol very well and often gets sick so he doesn't drink much. I'm making it sound like I'm an alcoholic, I'm not, I was just very drunk this night.

After we had gone to bed and fallen asleep he got up to go to the bathroom in hotel room to be sick. I remember coming round and hearing him. I know I should have got up to see if he was OK but I must have still been pretty drunk and as soon as I registered what was going on, I fell back asleep again. I did this a couple of times.

I'm not sure how long it was until he came back to bed, but I woke up again to him lying behind me talking at me, he was repeating "I know you're awake" and calling me a "bitch" and a "cunt" for not getting up to look after him. I felt really weird and pretended to be still asleep.

The next morning was like nothing had happened. He told me he'd got up to be sick and said "you were still asleep though" and I said "yeah, sorry I didn't hear anything."

I can't stop feeling weird about it. What went on there. Was it just alcohol? I actually don't know why I didn't get up to help him. I feel disturbed about his reaction though.

[UnGoogleable]

You could adapt Garlic's response and say:

"We just weren't compatible - I don't like being called a Bitch and a Cunt"

THAT will shut them up!

[BeautifulMaudOHara]

Well done OP, what a good ending to a thread

[ChocolateChangesEverything]

I like that garlicsteak I may borrow it.

[GarlicSteak]

It does rather sound like "handmaiden friend" wants to be his next victim. Good luck to her, eh?

[GarlicSteak]

I avoided post-mortems of Ill-Advised Marriage Number Two with "We just weren't compatible. He needs a more obedient wife." The first part we had agreed on - the second shut people up

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

You don't have to give your friends the detailed exact reasons why you split up. It's none of their business. Also, it implies one has to have a cast iron list of acceptable incidents of wrong behaviours before you can chuck someone. This attitude is all over the place. It is damaging to help it persist.

The more vague "reasons" are the best reasons to give people "It just wasn't working for me" "I couldn't see a good future" "I wasn't happy" "It wasn't as good a match as it seemed, it was never going to last in retrospect" "It wouldn't be fair to string him along when I know in my bones he isn't the one for me" "There's no big reason, he didn't cheat or anything, it's just that the chemistry wasn't there for me. I hope he finds the right girl for him."

[LadyStarkOfWinterfell]

Well done Rick. That friend you spoke to is not your friend - she is a man pleasing handmaiden who excuses his shitty behaviour because he's a man, and she gets something out of the relationship herself (whatever that may be) so it suits her to do so.

[buzzpop]

This guy has some serious anger and control issues, clearly he hates women being asleep when he requires them to be awake to attend to his needs .
^
Pp that said this, spot on. Delighted to see that you have broken free of this excuse of a man.
I had extravagant gifts and surprises I didn't ask for, obviously later I was told I was ungrateful, nasty, etc
I too have been verbally abused while 'sleeping' and upon waking for not attending to his needs while I was asleep. I was pregnant, thank fuck you are not. It does escalate.
A lucky escape, your freedom will taste great I promise.
He will do a smear campaign...he will also likely appear to have reflected, changed to get you back....but it is for him to be back in control and it all just white noise that doesn't mean a thing
You should be v proud of your self
What they do is textbook so take some time to think back over the red flags, and it will be far less likely to happen to you again

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

I think he wanted you for his "personal assistant" (vomiting assistance). When you asked a favor of him (exactly as you said in the moment -from/as a friend), that was turned around and he wanted to make it clear that he was not your personal assistant (pointedly avoided helping you). You were meant to go along as his "employee". His training seminar didn't go well for him ...so yes, he will call in his other subordinates to try to invoke the Drama Triangle. He is the victim, you are the villain, and the posse is the rescuer. As you have already figured out: Step away from the dynamic and do not engage. I bet you can already feel the relief.

No.

[Lottielou7]

He's absolutely vile.

Can I just say that it is NOT your responsibility to help him while he's vomiting in the bathroom. You're not his mother!! You did nothing wrong at all. He, on the other hand - what a despicable excuse for a person. You should be grateful?! He's an abusive Twat.

[bigbuttons]

well done OP, very relieved for you.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

Do you know what. You see "LTB" on so many threads and OP you did it! You left the bastard!

I love it. Well done. I feel empowered just by reading this. Empowered by proxy

[NoahVale]

What would you ahve done if he had helped you, ie, brought yoru charger and your cash card?

however, he didnt, he showed yet more true colours, refused to help, he made his own bed op

[Kenduskeag]

Ooooo OP when you wrote "I even took you to Rome, don't you think you should be a bit more grateful" I did one of those inward gasps through the teeth. That is so creepy. Like they all have a handbook, where some grand gesture in the early days means they can dine out on it for months, maybe even years. I should be allowed to do this to you because I took you on holiday. One holiday = I now own you. Shudder.

So now I guess all the friends will be in on it too. "He did take you to Rome, you know, so now you basically have to do everything he says and agree with all his assessments of your flaws."

It's pretty common to forget stuff, I'd be stunned at anyone - friend, partner, spouse - reacting so viciously to it. It's almost like he wants to start picking up any minor reason to have a good old dig at your - or, now we could say Any Woman's - personality. You're no good. You're useless. And remember, you have nobody but me and no one else will want you...

[AnyFucker]

Beelzebob you are going to extricate yourself from your "partner" yes.. ?

[LilacInn]

Nasty, nasty creep. You have dodged a bullet.

Friends sound pushy and immature, too. Good luck dealing with them.

[BaboonBottom]

Well done.
I can imagine you'll have a bumpy few weeks as it settles down, your friends sound like they were overly invested. Ive a horrid feeling he will continue his own PR campaign with a few tall stories, but hold tight and remember your true friends will be the ones to stick by.
But, honestly as someone who didn't walk away even though i didn't really want to get with him, ignored the big fuck off red flags you really really did the right thing!!!!

[Beelzebop]

My partner does this and he's abusive. Listen to what he said. That will happen again. X

[Numberoneisgone]

I have come to this thread very late but I wanted to say how impressed I was by how you conducted yourself FrazledRick. When you posted first I was afraid you would batt off the red flag raisers because of the romance of being swooped off to Rome.

You are about to be a target for his ill will, I fear, among your friends just keep your obvious level head because he does not sound like he will manage to do the same and his true colours will come out.

[coco1810]

Yay! So, so happy for you OP! Have some and a and this is for later !

[AnyFucker]

Ah, sorry, Asprilla.

[WelshMoth]

toys out of the pram

Can't blame autocorrect on that one

[WelshMoth]

Frazzled you are thinking with a mature, clear head. Well done you. Be prepared for the whisperings of maybe him and this 'clique' though - that you indeed have 'used him' (expensive weekend in Rome) and now discarded him aka toys of out the pram style, for having to walk the 6 miles back to his to collect your stuff 'when it was YOUR fault anyway for not charging your phone' yada yada yada.

That said, your sound like you have the measure of the dynamics of this lot anyway, so sit back and enjoy your millionaires shortbread drool and stick by the friends who don't act like you've spoiled their plans.

[Asprilla11]

AF

'twas just a joke.

I'll get my coat

[Kr1stina]

Can I just check, he knew that you were stuck at work with no money to get to his house ? But rather than come and pick you up in his car he let you walk 6 miles to his house to collect your stuff ???!!!

What a prince