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Original poster

Feel weird about drunken incident with BF

181 replies

FrazzledRick · 10/06/2016 04:48

It's a bit of a weird one. Been with BF about 3 months. Its been lovely, no issues at all. We went away for a long weekend last weekend. On Saturday, we went out and got really drunk. Well, I was really drunk. He seemed less so, he doesn't really take alcohol very well and often gets sick so he doesn't drink much. I'm making it sound like I'm an alcoholic, I'm not, I was just very drunk this night.

After we had gone to bed and fallen asleep he got up to go to the bathroom in hotel room to be sick. I remember coming round and hearing him. I know I should have got up to see if he was OK but I must have still been pretty drunk and as soon as I registered what was going on, I fell back asleep again. I did this a couple of times.

I'm not sure how long it was until he came back to bed, but I woke up again to him lying behind me talking at me, he was repeating "I know you're awake" and calling me a "bitch" and a "cunt" for not getting up to look after him. I felt really weird and pretended to be still asleep.

The next morning was like nothing had happened. He told me he'd got up to be sick and said "you were still asleep though" and I said "yeah, sorry I didn't hear anything."

I can't stop feeling weird about it. What went on there. Was it just alcohol? I actually don't know why I didn't get up to help him. I feel disturbed about his reaction though.

OP posts:
AndTheBandPlayedOn · 10/06/2016 20:01

I also agree that The Grand Gesture is a tool for manipulation. It is designed to create a moral high ground for himself that will diminish your existence to a clearly subordinate category as he would see that you owe him -and make you see it too...make everyone see it too. So your complaints, petty or not so petty, will be snuffed out before you have even drawn a breath to speak them.

The trip was a gift, not a contract though. You do not owe him anything. (Unless he is one of those who will present you with an itemized bill for everything he spent on you...but you still don't owe it.)

The verbal character assassination on you to anyone who will listen (how ungrateful you are after he took you to Rome) will come, I predict. Don't listen to any of it. Do not take it personally; it is just a tantrum and will pass.

I am also Hmm about the peanut gallery wider group of friends having a say in the relationship (not withstanding MN of course Blush ((need a pot-kettle-black emoticon Grin ))). It is just too many people in the relationship, iyswim, and is really none of their business. That would have been a red flag for me too-peer pressure to advance a relationship that people are perhaps seeing as entertainment. No. Just no.

GarlicSteak · 10/06/2016 20:11

Adding to AndTheBand's excellent post - Have you noticed how Grand Gestures tend to sweep you off your feet? That is, they don't ask if you're free that weekend, or consult you on where to go/stay. You end up phoning the friends you were supposed to meet that day from a bistro in Barcelona, giggling your apologies, and pushing the weird feeling to one side. After having frantically shaved your legs in the airport toilets! (Or was that just me?!)

Original poster
FrazzledRick · 10/06/2016 20:32

So it's been a bit of a nightmare day but it's definitely over. When I left this morning, I left one of my bags with some things I needed for work, my phone charger and my cash card in it, which was stupid but not an uncommon thing for me to do and precisely one of the reasons I knew we shouldn't get together because scattiness drives him mental. I told him this in the beginning and he didn't seem to believe me.

Anyway, I called to ask him to meet me with it at the station near to his work at lunch. He then got called into a meeting at lunch and we arranged to meet after work. Typically, my phone then runs out of battery as I am on my way to meet him. I know, I am an idiot. I looked for him everywhere and then ran back to the office to call him. Eventually he answers and he's already home and incredibly pissed off I let my phone run out. I think he just tried to call me, got frustrated it kept going to voicemail, realised it was switched off and just got straight on the train. He mustn't have looked for me because I'd have seen him, it's not a massive station. He wasn't interested in helping me, my colleagues had all left so I couldn't lend a fiver off anyone so I ended up walking the six or so miles to his to get my things.

When I arrived I told him we are obviously very different, there's no way he can handle my ways and I can't handle his intolerance. He said I'm childish and I need to take responsibility. I said that yes I'd been stupid to leave the bag and let my phone run out but I needed a boyfriend and more importantly an old friend to either help me out or just let me get on with it not "teach me a lesson". He said I'm throwing my rattle out of the pram and wait for it..."I do a lot for you, I even took you to Rome, don't you think you should be a bit more grateful."

Case closed. I left. He's called me several times and I haven't answered. A mutual friend has also called. I'm leaving
My phone on charge in the other room while I read a book Flowers

OP posts:
ThreeLeggedCat · 10/06/2016 20:35

OP - you rock! Well done!

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/06/2016 20:40

Good job. Well done!

Original poster
FrazzledRick · 10/06/2016 20:41

Ha! I honestly think though if I had not read some of the comments this afternoon I'd have felt guilty about being a dick and would have thought "yeah he's right he took me to Rome, I should be more grateful!"

I felt s bit edgy and worried as I was walking because I knew he was cross and I thought about the thread and thought it's not right to feel like that no matter how stupid I've been

OP posts:
MummyTheTramEngine · 10/06/2016 20:42

Well done OP, you are well out of it!

Original poster
FrazzledRick · 10/06/2016 20:42

Thank you! You all rock too Smile

OP posts:
RivieraKid · 10/06/2016 20:43

Nice one! Well done Smile

CopperPot · 10/06/2016 20:43

Wow Band and Garlic really nailed him with the grand gesture thing!

Glad it's over and you won't have to wait for the next episode.

BastardGoDarkly · 10/06/2016 20:45

Brilliant op, well done, if nothing else (there's lots else) the blokes a tool 😊

MrFMercury · 10/06/2016 20:45

Well done you! Stay strong and remember you're 100% in the right here x

Original poster
FrazzledRick · 10/06/2016 20:46

Yeah they really did! I read those ones just as I was coming on to up date and had a bit of a chuckle about how spot on they'd got it!

OP posts:
Original poster
FrazzledRick · 10/06/2016 20:48

Ah thanks everyone, you're making me feel all geared up and victorious and not at all sad and post-break-up-ish!

Thanks
OP posts:
Dozer · 10/06/2016 20:48

You walked six miles? Shock

What a tosser he is.

Original poster
FrazzledRick · 10/06/2016 20:49

I think it's about that! It felt like more in sandals let me tell you! It means I deserve this gigantic millionaires shortbread though so all good

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 10/06/2016 20:50

A relationship that calls you those kind of words, whether within his full facilities or drunk is not the kind of person I would see as a future prospect....

You know it's only get worse.... in him blaming you for his own fuck-ups.

Original poster
FrazzledRick · 10/06/2016 20:50

It would have been so easy for him to pick me up in his car, not that'd have ever asked!

OP posts:
CopperPot · 10/06/2016 20:50

Next time ask a colleague for the fiver. People don't mind helping people out, op!

CopperPot · 10/06/2016 20:51

Mmm millionaires shortbread, enjoy

Asprilla11 · 10/06/2016 20:52

Could he have Tourette’s he was hiding from you? Shock Grin

Misses whole point of thread.

Dozer · 10/06/2016 20:56

A half decent person early in the relationship would have turned up at lunch (telling work they couldn't make the lunch meeting), confirmed a place and time to meet later and hung around to find you!

I wonder if he actually lied about the lunch meeting and didn't turn up after work.

MrsOs · 10/06/2016 20:56

I would tell him i heard him and i was so disturbed that i pretended to be asleep... And then end it.. He has shown his true colours. Listen to yourself.. You know something isnt quite right.

TooMuchCoffeeMakesMeZoom · 10/06/2016 20:59

Well done lovely Flowers
He can fester away on his own.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 10/06/2016 21:00

Booft if the swearing at you wasnt enough to conbince you to end it, his behaviour today definitely was. He sounds like a total prick.

If any of your friends call just say yeah its finished, it wasn't working out. I gave it a try and we weren't right for each other. There's nothing more to say. I personally wouldn't go into details with mutual friends because he will just deny it. Just know you have had a lucky escape.