My husband has just told me he doesn't want children. I am distraught.

[RaarSaidTheLion]

When we met, we had the discussion about wanting kids or not. He said he could go either way. We TTC briefly when we first moved in together, then buying a house and organising a wedding kind of meant it got sidelined for a bit.

After that he noticeably cooled on the idea, then over the last 6 months we have spoken about it and he has been more keen. Now today he has said he definitely doesn't want kids. I have never felt more hurt or distraught in my life. I love him very much and don't want to leave him, even if I did I am running out of time.

I can't stop crying.

Sorry, AMH test. Acronyms not my strong point...

DH and I are talking, quite productively on the face of it. But I am mindful is that it is actions that count, and am quietly getting on with the foundations of my plan in case all the talk comes to nowt (again).
OP, he is trying to talk you round. Read your previous posts. He won't change as a person.

I would like to understand more about the anti-immigrant argument. If EU migrants contribute more to our economy than they take out, if the proportion of their benefit claimants are less than a fifth of the proportion of the general population, why are people so against them? Our population is ageing, we need immigrants to help support the ageing population. If our infrastructure can't cope, we should address this but isn't it a bit racist to go after the migrant population who contribute positively to our country?

Wrong thread?!

Christ, I can't escape this EU stuff....

Op, I am glad you are taking control and finding out about your own body rather than general stats,

IIRC, the "fertility off a cliff at 35" is based on some very old data, pre modern nutrition etc.

Can you ask your mum when she had menopause? I wonder if the GP might ask you as they do for other things like heart disease?

I heard a programme on radio 4 which said to ask your mother when she went through menopause, as it is influenced by your genes. The fertility doctor said that your fertility starts to decline about 10 years before menopause.

I don't think asking your mum is an accurate way to find out- my mum was 56 at menopause but I started at 44.

Thanks AHellOf and Jed, my mum is dead. From what I recall she went through the menopause in her mid to late fifties. She died from breast cancer at 67, and I to my mind one of the contributory factors was having been on HRT for just over a decade (her insistence), so that is how I am working back.

FWIW, my great grandma had her last child at 47 or 48. My great uncle was only a couple of years older than my mum. They were very close, both in age and emotionally.

My granma was 63 by the time I was born so well past menopause age, so no idea. She passed away a wee while ago, just shy of her 101st birthday, so I can't ask her. She had my mum at 31, my aunty at 34 I think. My mum had just turned 33 when she had me.

So from that potted family history, I am feeling a bit more positive.

Sounds like odds may be in your favour, but Hormonal is right about there being no substitute for proper testing.

Sorry about your mum

HH, It's not the only piece of data but family history is often an important factor.

...in medical assessment in general, don't know about this case.

FWIW I was in your shoes 8 years ago. I didn't meet the right person and went it alone. I now have a gorgeous little girl and we have a lovely life together. I still haven't met Mr Right so I am glad I didn't hold out! I have a lot of single mum friends, some who had their kids alone, some who had partners but all are happy and healthy and sane.

I would leave him. I spent my 30's with a guy who kept saying he loved me but we would try in 6 months time... He would always come up with excuses. Then he said he didn't want kids at all...

That man took my most fertile years. I was loyal so for a good few years I tried to explain his reasons and be okay with it.

It became unbearable so I left him.

From my experience (my own dating history and that of many friends in London) if a man doesn't want commitment or doesn't want kids it's cos he's not that into you. Values are what make a successful relationship and if they don't match on a fundamental thing about family then it's a red light warning sign.

Then, at 39 met my now-husband.

My amazing husband is the love of my life, doesn't care at all that I'm older than him and can't wait to have kids. We're positive but the problem is that I'm 43 now and we've had miscarriages but no kids yet. Experts reckon you have until 45 and believe me in our situation time goes by so fast.

So.... You can assume you have time and try for babies later in life, and many women do so with a happy ending...but there's no guarantee. If having a successful pregnancy is not straight forward (and you won't know til you try, my eggs are healthy and all tests amazing for my age but I miscarry and it's harder to know why) then you have less time to play with. There's more help than ever before, but IVF isn't available at my age and chance of success is 9-15% per cycle.

My husband loves me no matter what and the path of my life led me to him, so I can't and don't regret it now. I just would hate to see other lovely women let a man take their chance of motherhood away.

(As an addendum, my ex eventually came crawling back again and again begging me to take him back, saying I could have a baby... All despite my being very firm and clear that there was absolutely no chance and asking him not to contact me. He's still single after a string of disasters).

"IVF isn't available at my age on the NHS