My husband has just told me he doesn't want children. I am distraught.

[RaarSaidTheLion]

When we met, we had the discussion about wanting kids or not. He said he could go either way. We TTC briefly when we first moved in together, then buying a house and organising a wedding kind of meant it got sidelined for a bit.

After that he noticeably cooled on the idea, then over the last 6 months we have spoken about it and he has been more keen. Now today he has said he definitely doesn't want kids. I have never felt more hurt or distraught in my life. I love him very much and don't want to leave him, even if I did I am running out of time.

I can't stop crying.

Can you really spend the next 40 years with this man and not feel any regret or resentment?

I would leave if I were in your situation and look in to sperm donation.

💐

He gets angry when he feels guilty Jackie. He doesn't like it if I am anything but totally happy, he says it makes him feel like a failure. Which is a bit stifling.

Thank you RomCom.

That's awful, I'm so sorry. Perhaps you need some time away, a weekend or a holiday, to think about how you feel. You need to be sure about how you feel and honest with yourself. Your gut reaction is pretty clear though... Sending big hugs. X

I would go to a hotel tbh

Gives you the chance to sob, rage and grieve, whether it's for your marriage or for children.

You don't have to feel any guilt whatsoever because it's "upsetting him".

throwing bottles of water around in a tizzy fit because he has devastated you.
He doesn't love you, you don't treat someone you love like this.

I don't think I can Sanchar. It would just be huge open sore.

You're right WellErr. Anytime I am upset or worried about something, he rarely consols or comforts or supports me. He just gets upset/angry/scared himself, then I have to look after him.

I know you must be feeling incredibly shocked and distressed right now but I think you need to take some deep breaths, take some time and calm down. You and DH need to talk this over when you are both calm and in control, which isn't going to happen tonight. He needs to explain exactly what it is about having children that he's so uncomfortable with. And you need to make it clear just how vitally important this is for you. Don't panic right now. Just take care of yourself until you're both ready to talk it over

He shouldn't be 'in a mood' though. In a mood because you're crying. Which he has caused by destroying your dreams.

He should be upset he's hurt you, yes, but he just sounds like a petulant teenager.

He should be trying to comfort you (not that he could probably make you feel better after this bombshell), but instead he's stomping around and making you feel like your reaction is abnormal.

I've been there, but I was much younger. We divorced. It was the best move. I'd leave and look into sperm donation. What an arse! He lead you down the garden path, now he's acting like a knob because you cried at the news. I'm furious on your behalf.

You're all right. I don't want to be married to him any more. I can;t stay married to someone who could say this to me then get angry with me because he makes him feel guilty. he doesn't love me. He just a man child who likes attention.

'Anytime I am upset or worried about something, he rarely consols or comforts or supports me. He just gets upset/angry/scared himself, then I have to look after him.'

What an appalling quality. Self-centred and immature.

I don't know how to do this though. I've no family alive, no friends close. I've got some money in the bank. I'm just starting a training course to get a job in a new place after we moved here.

I'm sorry you are in this situation.

I'm speaking as someone who was married for 12 years before any idea of broodiness crept in.

I was never bothered one way or the other about children.

I got pregnant at 33 and 35 with my dc.

Like a bolt out of the blue, I'm blown away by how much I love them.

I love them both in a much deeper way than I love my dh. (Probably should not say that)

DO NOT forsake your chance to have children,

It's the only thing I've done that really matters.

Please do not give up your chance to be a mother for this man,

He said it was because he feels over stretched Yipee. He's just taken on new responsibilities at work.

I feel sick.

Thank you Walking

I'm not going to manage to go anywhere tonight I don't think. I think I'll go away to see friends this weekend and think things through.

How does he think you should react after you've had your heart broken? It's all about him isn't it, his wants, his needs.

It's all very much about himself. Imagine how he'd be with a child in the mix. People like this resent any centre of focus that isn't themselves. Look how he responds to your upset.

You start like this, contact a solicitor. Then you tell him, 'This marriage is over. I will apply for divorce.' He tells you to get out, don't. You don't have to leave.

Then you start looking at being a parent on your own.

I am realising that Lumpy. When I want to get a cat, it's always "next year". Just when I get settled somewhere, we move for his job. Just when I am going on a training course, he takes on extra things at work and has to work more. Individually they just seem like coincidences but when I look back, it's never time for me to push forward, always time for him to.

That is it expat. He needs to be the focus of attention. I think he doesn't want children because then all my attention wouldn't be on him.

Sorry you are hurting.

Can I suggest some practicalities. Can you get a check up at the doctor to determine your fertility levels.

Then you will know if you have more options.

What an arse. So he has broken your heart and he makes it all about him.

I couldn't be with someone who didn't want children either. They were the only thing I ever really wanted in life and I couldn't have settled down without that. You know you can't either so your H has really ballsed this up hasn't he.

He doesn't like it if I am anything but totally happy, he says it makes him feel like a failure.

In this instance he should feel like a failure. He is someone who has failed to keep his word and has failed to consider his wife's wishes in any way.

Start concentrating on what YOU want - you can seek out ways to have a child right now and worry about divorcing the idiot later. If you really want it you can do it on your own (feel for you though - must be bl**sy devastating)