Brave Babes Battle Bus

[Halleberry]

New thread girlies as the other was about to run out ... Hope you all find this one xxx

Meant to say elba that's great you got a date and that you are looking forward to it - really positive steps.

april you must be exhausted. Get yourself to bed, sleep is healing. Hopefully you'll feel much better tomorrow.

Just got to tell work about it now...all cleared through occupational health but it's still going to mess them around. But I'm doing it regardless. I have to.

april hope you sleep well. Well done on day 1.

claret hope you're feeling a bit better and enjoyed your day off!

Awful hangover/anxiety today, just taken some diazepam. Not ideal, but it was that or a glass bottle of wine. So day 1 is in the bag for me too as I can't drink now. Hoping to get past day 4 this time, but not thinking any further ahead than that.

Hello all. Day 2 done after a terrible day yesterday ...I was probably feeling a little like you do today Elba. I went a bit mad Sunday and outdid myself. But day 2 done. Like you Elba, I am counting up till 4 and then we will see as it will be weekend... Claret, keep going. :-) hope everyone else is ok tonight.

April welcome back! (says she, the babe who has been AWOL for weeks and weeks).

A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day again here - had a chat with an agency and they didn't want me . Long story to go into but basically a colleague recommended me, they liked my CV, I had never heard of them, but looked them up online and they had the vaguest website (all wanky adspeak) but their newsletter seemed quite community and small business focussed, so I talked about all my experience with that and then they said they wanted someone with experience PRing big glamour accounts. So I give up! Then WB picked a silly fight about me not cooking dinner by 6.00 as I worked from home in the afternoon. FFS, we can eat at 7.00 or the three other adults or almost adults in the house can fix their own food . He has no compassion about me being anxious on the job front cos he has relied on my salary for so long that it absolves him from having to look for one himself. Aaaaaagh!!!!! So had a drink just now, but going to sleep soon as have another agency chat tomorrow. Let's hope this one goes better! At least I know what this agency does (fingers crossed).

Elba really chuffed you are getting the help you need and so proud of you missus. We will all be here cheering you on (well, I won't be at the end of July but others will)

Mimsy well done on day two babe

Claret, Ma, Faire and all - hello... hope everyone having a good evening

Better log off now so I don't look even more ancient than I feel tomorrow

Night all xxx

Good Morning lovely lovely Brave Babes

I'm awake at stupid o'clock again a combination of seagulls, no curtains and stuff on my mind. Anyhoooo there's so much going on, on this here bus.

Welcome back April it is so good to see you back on board I have missed you and you most certainly did not kill the thread but there is nothing worse than posting and realising that no-one has after you for hours, it's one of those moments - it used to send me into - was it something I said? could they have misread me? etc Glad you're back, it's good to check in and get back on track. What are you aiming for lovely one?

Claret I just want to wrap you up in a mohair blanket. I have been reading your posts and nodding as I read about the baby shower, you and I are very similar. I have always been the life and soul of the party, can drink anyone under the table (don't dare to challenge me as I would prove the point) - tis what I used to think and say. I almost had an arrogance about me IYSWIM. You have been very brave and are heading in the right direction. Although I didn't go to GP - I got to the point where I just thought 'enough is enough' I am an 'all or nothing' girl with no inbetween - moderation - what the fuck is that and what's the fucking point
I think with most of us, booze has been around us for most of our lives from teenagedom it is socially acceptable and legal. When I think of some of the stuff I've done I cringe, get that dark black pit feeling in my stomach (this list goes on and on) but as I keep reminding myself (less and less as each day goes on) that what is done is done and I can't change anything. Today is a new day and this is who I want to be now.
One of my biggest realisations so far being AF - is that I don't actually like my 'drinking' self - I reflect now and think 'who the fuck was that' 'god was I really that bad' 'who the fuck did I think I was' etc etc
Letting people know your decision is also really helpful, having DH onboard is a bonus and once you've let your nearest and dearest know (some will look at you in disbelief) it makes it 'real' and actually I was spurred on by proving people wrong because of course my hardcore drinking friends never in a million years thought I could do it. (Oh little faith that they had) Take little steps at a time and be kind to yourself.
I started and failed so so many times as the Babes on here know. You are an amazing lady with a long life ahead of you - you will never regret not drinking, when you are tempted ALWAYS 'watch the film until the end' - it really isn't a pretty sight, is it? It takes big adjustments, I had to avoid some of my friends for a while, just because it was too much of a temptation, find things to do (pick up those knitting needles) Start a list of the real reasons that you want to be AF, I'll start it for you -
I have a clear head in the morning
I have more patience
I am a nicer person
I remember my whole evening
My skin is looking better
I feel better in myself
I can taste my food properly
No more hangovers
I will almost probably live longer
I can save the money I would have spent on booze

I hope that helps. Got to post and run, DD2 has school trip today and we have to be at school at 7.30am

Baby just want to say, I'm thinking of you my darling friend, life certainly throws some shit at us, please be kind to yourself and take it easy. Don't be too tough on yourself, squeeze your girls harder than ever. You are a rock and I love you very much xxxxxxxx

Oh hope, that sounds utterly miserable. What a sod he is. I hope today's agency chat goes well.

Well done mrs

What a great list spanna, who wouldn't want all those things? As for what I'm aiming for, at the moment ODAAT. I really don't think I can do moderation and I'd dearly love to be free of the WW, but trying not to project too far.

Day 2 for me today and it should be an easy one. I do a sewing class on a Wednesday which I drive to and will go straight to bed afterwards.

Have a good day all.

april also day 2 here and not thinking too far ahead...if I do that I just freak out and drink!

hope sorry that work is causing so much stress, and hope today goes better with the agency. You deserve so much more support than your getting from WB Thank you for all your encouragement

mrs well done and keep going!

Not feeling much less hungover than yesterday, bad night with nightmares and sweats, plus now horrible period pain so feel sorry for myself!

Panicking a bit about upcoming wedding, and really starting to wonder if I should even go. But flights/ hotel booked and paid for, it will be a mini break with good friends and I really want to go! On the other hand it's in a country where vodka features heavily (think a shot after each wedding toast ) and the wedding party apparently goes on to the next morning. So so much potential for making an utter prat out of myself, and I'm really not a happy drunk at the moment. Obviously not aiming to get drunk, will try my best not to, and contemplating not drinking at all...but we all know what the likely outcome will be

Evening babes, spanna thank you so much for your long and wise post to me this morning - it was so kind of you and spoke so many truths. Can I ask you - does it get easier? I am thinking that once the 'firsts' (first bbq, first pub meal, first holiday, first birthday etc etc) have been done it must surely be easier?

I know that i am running out of chances with this. And if i fail this time then i really don't know what will happen and I'm really scared of that. I have moments when i'm so excited by the prospect of beating this forever but then equally i have moments where i'm scared witless that i have a life of no alcohol ahead of me.

I'm trying not to count to obsessively as this is the long haul but day 4 here.

april a sewing class sounds great! I really should get off my arse and do something with my evenings.

elba the wedding predicament is tricky. Do you think you could go and not drink? Its so stressful isn't it knowing that social events are so very hard for us.

hope your wb sounds utterly utterly horrible - how nasty of him to have a go at you for not getting dinner cooked. You poor thing. How did the agency meeting go today?

I'm reading a book called 'blackout - remembering the things i drank to regret', i can relate to it so much and highly recommend it - its an autobiography but also quite factual. Terrifying but gripping reading.

Anyway, off to read a bit of my book before cooking dinner. I've had more proper meals this week than i've had in a very very long time.

claret whilst I'm obviously no expert, I'm sure it will get easier. It's very early days. But equally I would expect things to be very up and down for a while. You're doing great- you're mind is clearly made up!

I dont think realistically I can go and not drink. Even if I resisted drinking, I'm an overtired, over emotional, anxious mess by about 9pm when I'm AF at the moment and it's not fair to inflict that on anyone!

I have managed to keep things relatively controlled at big work dos etc recently when I've really really planned it, it's the unplanned nights out etc that have gone spectacularly wrong. But it's stressful. So I think it's either make a plan and hope for the best, or don't go. I won't get any money back if I cancel so I guess I can fake illness at the last minute of that's what I decide.

Did catch myself thinking earlier that I maybe should keep up my drinking in the run up in case my tolerance drops

Day 2 done. Of how many I don't know, new tactic is just thinking of it as a trial run and giving my liver a rest. Too long a target then I panic and drink, too short a target and I know I will 'reward' myself. Work tomorrow so if I can avoid the shop after that's tomorrow evening taken care of.

Hope everyone's ok

Morning All

Claret Yes my lovely it does get easier I really couldn't believe this when people used to say that. Like you've said once you've done the 'first' of everything - my birthday was my last 'first' thing and it was a bit weird I usually get hammered on my birthday my love of food has replaced my love of booze (what I mean is I really think about what I'm going to have for dinner. there's more money about as I'm not spending it on booze - if I want steak I'll have steak)
Just take it slow, one day at a time. My original aim was 100 days, just to see if I could do it and I went from there. You'll find that there's alot of time to fill - think and find stuff that you want to do. Don't project ahead just take it easy. You will feel the benefits really quickly. It's not an easy journey, just keep focused

Elba so glad you've got your appointment coming up between now and then the time will fly. Weddings are a tricky one. This is merely a suggestion - how about on arrival you have a large soft drink to quench your thirst (think - fat coke, pint of lime & lemonade, cordial & soda) then have a glass of champs, then have a large glass of fizzy water, when it's champ's turn try and sip not gulp!! Also make sure you eat before you get there (no not a snack, a proper meal - fry up, roast - something substantial) although you'll be eating at the reception, food will be a long way off. Later in the day if you fancy a cup of tea, ask for one.
You must go - you have lovely dress, like you say, you've booked travel and accommodation - it's always good to catch up with friends and I always find being away from home gives me a chance to reflect. You'll be fine lovely - you are conscious of what you're beginning to achieve, please remember what was occurring when you first joined the bus, you have come so so far and you really must pat yourself on the back

Hope my darling - big hug from me to you xxx

Here's hoping every Brave Babe is ok. The sun is shining down sarf. Have a good day everyone

Day 3 is a tricky bugger, it's the day when the hangover has lifted and you're starting to feel normal again. Don't let this fool you, it takes longer for the booze to leave your system. Just think, if you don't drink today, you'll have achieved Day 3. Day 4 is over half the week, one week is only 7 days of your life. Keep going Babes - reward yourselves with something else - not booze You can do this - distract, distract, distract.... Think how proud of yourself you'll be

Morning babes!

elba well done on day 2, here goes for day 3! Perhaps treat the wedding in the same way as work do's....as stressful as that is it can't be as bad as the day after if you get very drunk (certainly for me nothing beats that awful anxiety). What dress have you settled on?

spanna thank you. I'm a protagonist and will spend hours worrying about ifs and buts but you're right, I need to not project too far. I'm going away for a mini break end of next week which'll be a huge test - my dh is fully supportive of me and has, rightly, said that its always me drinking any ways - he has one at lunch and one at dinner and he's done. So it's not like I'm going to have to watch him drink loads....I'm trying to think of alternative drinks I can have instead and perhaps meals we can eat. I'm a foodie too I've just never let myself experiment as I've always been saving calories for wine

Anyway. Day 5 here and feeling good. Keep going babes, you're amazing xx

Ps lala how's things?

Morning, tis me, mouse

I'm sorry I've not been around but The Big Black Cloud has been hovering over me for a while now, to the point where I had to ask my GP for help.

After no joy and two weeks of waiting later, I've now moved to a different practice.

I need my pain dealing with and tbh I did start drinking again, up to 100units per week according to my ex GP.

Anyway, new GB, new start!

Plus we are going away soon for a much needed holiday!!

I'm sorry that I've not read back but I have been thinking of you all. Be back soon.

Lots of love xxx

Welcome back april

Sorry I haven't been around, I can't log in to the app at all. I hate technology sometimes.

I've nearly reached my target of 6 weeks! But have to really think what I want to do after. Usually I do a couple of dry months, then start again slowly - but after about a year I'm back to the old habits. And repeat...

Since I appear to work best with medium-term goals, I'm thinking that I could just plan another 6 weeks or so? I will have a drink his weekend, but then go for another dry spell til the end of August... I already plan not to drink on holiday (controlled drinking only works for me when I'm at home) so that's at least a fortnight.

Hmm, can I do it? Well why not? Feels like a hard decision...

Well done joey. Bloody well done.

joey well done!! You have done brilliantly.

mouse sounds like your holiday is much needed, have a lovely time and look after yourself.

Day 5 done here. Really enjoying eating proper food this week...I've cooked my dh and me a meal each evening which has been nice and we're talking more and it's just nice. Hoping I can continue on this trajectory...

Hope everyone's ok xx

Joey you are a Well Done Excellent! Another 6 weeks sounds like a good plan x

Yay Claret you go girl

Elba how you doing babe?

Mouse sending you a virtual squeeze. Have a lovely holiday Babe x

Ma hope all ok x

Fox you still reading? come back and say hello x

Sweet sending you love honey x

Beaches as always hope you're ok darling little sunflower x

Rural how you doing? x

Isinde hope life is ok? x

Margie check in if you can x

Obrigada how you doing lovely?

Sorry not to nc every babe. Just wanted to say hello to you all. Big love whatever you're doing

Morning babes, sun is shining here (mixed blessing really as sun often = wine) but going to get out and make the most of the day.

If Friday is your weakness get your plans in place now! I'm stocked up with soft drinks and stuff to watch on tv. Going to do a BBQ later.

Morning all!

joey that is a great achievement, well done you.
Lovely mouse, I hope you all have a lovely holiday, you certainly deserve one.

claret - good idea to get the plans made now while you're feeling strong. You're on Day 6 now, woo hoo!

elba, spanna, how are you both today?

I'm on Day 4, by the skin of my teeth. I had to pop out to the shop yesterday evening to get some broccoli, I have to walk past an off licence and 3 pubs.

My thought process (abridged, this went on for a long time!) was "I've done almost 3 days, it's been easy, obviously I don't have a problem, I'll just pick up a bottle of wine. Hmm, then DH will know and I told him I wasn't drinking. I know, I'll dive into this pub and neck a large glass, I won't be gone any longer so he won't suspect a thing..." Do those sound like the thoughts of someone without a problem?!

I've got a desperately needed day off today. I usually treat myself to a booze lunch but have planned healthy food to make at home and lots of housework, clearing out and sewing so hopefully will make it through another day.

Have a lovely day all of you.

Well done april! Those thought processes are exhausting aren't they?

spanna thank you. I will go, would be a shame not to, just having a wobble about it. you're right about making sure I eat...this is often my downfall at these things. Hope you're ok lovely.

claret well done...nearly a week AF!

lala you ok?

Didnt get through day 3, though on the plus side 'only' had a bottle of wine which could of been worse, but only as im meetng a friend for coffee. Work was awful, almost no time to eat/drink and got home tired and dehydrated at nearly 11 last night so that probably didn't help. Justified it to myself by thinking the longer I go without drinking, the more I seem to drink when I cave in. There is possibly some truth in this (or is that just massive denial?!).

If I can be AF for more days than I drink that will be progress for the moment I think. So going for another AF day today.

Hope everyone's ok and having a good day.

april oh the will I won't I should I shouldn't I battle is so awful isn't it. My brain feels so chaotic when I'm in one of those moods. I think that's why people say once you decide no 'once and for all' it becomes ever so slightly easier. Keep going though, you're doing fantastically.

elba good plan...more days af than drinking makes a lot of sense. How long until you go away?

Day 1 Last week I had five af days and then this week it's been like my brain has said 'that was easy, you don't have a problem, go ahead and have a drink'. So I have drank most nights, and too much for me most nights. Deep down I think I need to just not drink period but then I'll have a night where I'm happy with one glass of wine and think I'm just being melodramatic...

Elba I do find I have a tendency to over compensate if I got a few days without drinking. I'll drink more on a weekend if I haven't drank during the week, I dare say it's the ww talking to keep us in the habit of drinking.

absolutely pissing down here. fucking monsoon summer in Scotland
am as miserable as sin. finish work today for a week off and not sure there is a job to come back to, or even if I'm getting paid next week. The Board haven't yet guaranteed to pay us if there is a shortfall at the bank.
Am going to London with ds for 4 days with the princely sum of about £50. Doubt that will get us very far.

Hey babes, sorry I have been AWOL. Had phone dramas and had to get my old one fixed, looks like I have reverted back to my original account (it's lala by the way, obviously...)

Panicking about this wedding tomorrow, I just know I will do something stupid...

Anyway, I will catch up properly later, hope you are all doing ok