Brave Babes Battle Bus

[Halleberry]

New thread girlies as the other was about to run out ... Hope you all find this one xxx

I'm cringing so much went out for a 'couple' of drinks....I know I had to be helped home, I have a split lip so must of fallen over....I have a vague memory of sitting on the grass outside my flat....but apart from that I have very little memory of the last part of the night

Such an idiot I'm an adult not s teenager. And of course am now extremely hungover, and sore I'm an idiot

Elba this isn't going to get any better for you on it's own. It's a degenerative condition that will just keep getting worse. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly but I'm sure you already know this.

Once you make the decision to stop for good everything will get easier. I don't think there is any other choice for you. Alcohol is not something you can control. You can either let it control you or walk away from it. Those are your only choices.

Remember, it's like getting in a boxing ring for a fight that you will never, ever win. Every time you drink, it will beat you. Every single time. You have no chance of beating it.

The only thing in your power is to decide whether or not to get in the ring.

I'm sorry to be so tough, especially when you've been so brave and have had some success with AF days. I just want you to be happy and healthy. I know it's hard but we're all here for you x

fair speaks the truth. Oh elba, I did pretty much the same last night. Had to be taken home by the long suffering (and also very recent) dp. I managed to pass it off as I was feeling faint as I hadn't eaten all day. Which was sort of true. He got me a pizza. This morning was v embarrassing, he kept going on at me about remembering to eat. I kept thinking, oh bless you, you know nothing!

Supposed to be going out for dinner later in central London, but I had to have a few drinks to solve the shakey crap feeling I had this morning so we will see how that one pans out...

elba is your lip ok??? And inspired by your wedding outfit questions, I have had a little rummage in the wardrobe and have come up with the attached pic as an outfit. Much as I love the dress that you found, I can't justify spending that much money at the moment.

So babes, is it too white? Or can I get away with it? Admittedly it looks really shapeless on the hanger...

I think that's a really nice outfit lala

Thanks ma the top bit is a navy blue cardigan. With nude heels... Or more likely flats as there is no way in hell I can stay upright in heels, even without a drink.

Being taken out for dinner. Had a few drinks already. I don't want to fuck this up...

Oh faire I know you're right, actually deep down I've known it for a while. Keep thinking one day I'll have some kind of epiphany and make the decision and that will be it. But I'm too much of a wimp and to say never again is so terrifying and final.

I'm a complete state...it would be funny, except I know it's not. Back in bed which I now realise is full of leaves...as is my hair so I'm guessing some kind of fall involving a bush took place. Very bruised and sore but clearly could of been so much worse

lala the dress is lovely and definitely not too white. Love the colours actually. Enjoy tonight! X

Hi guys,

Oh elba you poor thing. faire is so so right (as always), this fight cannot be won. I keep fearing something bad happening to you. I read recently that even if your tolerance to alcohol increases but the effect on your liver does not. Even if your brain can tolerate the levels of your drinking, you are crucifying your organs and your heart. I know how reserved and dignified you are about your problems and how last night's behaviour will affect you but the truth is we've all done it, God knows I've been seen staggering up to the shop at 10 in the morning in a small village, my poor Dad would check the wine fridge at 10.30 to see how many were missing in the shop. What other clown buys wine at that time. I've queued with the drunks waiting for 10 on the til. Everyone must have known? It's a wee village but no one could say anything worse than I said to myself.

Speak to your friends, explain your having a tough time and please please get some help. Big hugs my friend xxx

lala hope the meal goes well, don't cheat yourself of this new possibly great relationship because of drink. Maybe tell your new dp you have alcohol issues and try to focus on doing new things as a new couple. I'm happy you have someone in your life that clearly cares about you. Let him treasure you and learn to treasure yourself.xxx

ma you are amazing. I'm in awe of your compassion for your guys and I truly hope the world finds a way to let you continue with your work. I feel like your always getting caught in some shit storm or another and he unfairness of it makes me mad. Keep fighting lovely lady as your boys did for every one of us xxx

Feeling low on these new meds, got the funeral this thurs and it weighs heavy on my mind. Not sleeping properly, no patience with my dh or kids and anxious about everything. Old demons hovering around but as long as I keep out if the ring I cannot be smacked by the WW but she's fair taunting me from the side lines. Life is shit sometimes, got a lot of stress in RL and nowhere to hide and I feel sad all the time. I will keep on going through the silly motions of my life and hope the meds will help me back to the light.

Love y'all xxx

Lala, I love that outfit, very stylish and classy. I hope you enjoy your dinner out, where are you going? Does your new chap know of your struggles? Do you feel it's too early to bring it up? He might be able to offer some support? X

Elba, you poor thing x I think we've all woken up and wondered where the hell that bruise came from, or where are my shoes etc. How are you feeling now? Take care of yourself this evening x

Faire, board games sound fab, we are big monopoly / trivial pursuits fans here x

Baby, I'm sorry you're having so many troubles at the moment. Are you planning anything for this evening? Take care and treat yourself nicely x

Aww baby I prescribe lots of shit telly and a nice takeaway, I'm sorry you're having a tough time of it. lala I think the outfit looks very nice. ma I really feel for you, I know the morning after feeling and swearing you'll never do it again but by teatime I'm drinking again and getting well on my way, you're so strong though, is there any possibility of you cutting back on the drinking a little - even just having one drink less of an evening would help.

I know it's tough though. Since being here last, I went through a bit of a rough patch involving 3 bottles of wine and half a bottle f vodka a night, I really wasn't in a good place, my friends totally kicked off and searched my room (which made me furious) and there was lots of arguments and as I say we're not friends anymore (after one told me she didn't care if I lived or died, that I'm nothing but a selfish cow, that I won't take any advice etc etc). Moving back home has helped as I'm so busy I've not got time to drink bar weekends so naturally regulating (get up early for work, work all day, home between 7 and 8 then tea bath and bed) plus Ive got to be careful to make sure parents don't think anything is wrong. Looking back to a few months ago I can see that I was drinking too much before (in horror realised a typical night was 3 bottles of wine, a few vodkas, quite a few cans of cider - all this in the course of a few hours)

Thank you baby and made. Your support means a lot.
Going to try again this week, both to cut back drinking and get funding in .Have managed to sublet the office to help with the rent and overheads...to a couple of ex-marines!!!
Alterior motive, much??????

So apparently the source of the bruises (and leaves!) was leaning on a wall, loosing balance and falling back into someone's front garden. Everyone thinks it's hilarious, there's photos....I'm just mortified

I was lucky, I was with good people. This has not always been the case in the past. I just want to curl up and disappear, really hate myself right now.

elba be kind to yourself, accidents happen and honestly you're not the first to injure yourself when drunk, I've had 2 dislocations when pissed as a skunk. Aww sweetheart I know the self loathing the morning after brings, and it's easier said than done, but try not to dwell on it now. If you're finding it a little tough, cut back even by 1 drink a night, it will help. I don't know how to suggest you stop because I know I couldn't - no matter what promises I made, a drink seemed nicer, and it was brilliant. But every night during those rough patches I ended up with my head down the loo crying. I'm managing a bit better now, more by necessity than choice, but no matter what lies that bottle tells you, they are lies, it won't make you feel better. I don't know what my point is, because I always succumbed in the end, but all I know is the self loathing and the morning after isn't worth it. Yet I wasn't able to moderate myself for a long time. It's evil isn't it

Okay Babes. Today I was going through old photos with mum, and found some baby photos. Let's have a rogues' gallery of the Babes, as babes. Anyone else dare? Here I am, less than impressed with my first birthday cake!

Here's me, aged around 1, in a hideous dress that my mother loved

And a matching hat made!

Oh yeah got to match ma my mum even put me in ironed frilly knickers to cover my nappy and she still tries to match me and get me to iron my socks laughs

oh elba boy have i been there. I hope you are ok. But i do think that faire speaks wise words, perhaps enough is enough?

Oh ma i would love to share my baby pics but it would definitely out me...you are the cutest thought

Ok indulging in a last little bit of wallowing for tonight; tomorrow I need to work out a plan. I know what I should do, I don't know if I can do it. So I think for now I need to at least inplement some kind of damage limitation, some rules...just no idea what that would involve.

Drinking through the hangover tonight, speakes volumes really doesn't it? Back and neck painful, as you'd expect really if you throw yourself backwards over a wall , cause of the split lip is still unknown.

I've put myself into so many dangerous situations over the years, it's got to stop. On holiday last year I woke up and knew 'something' had happened...no idea with who, or if I even consented. Disgusting and entirely my fault for yet again getting paralytic. Yet I still do it over and over. You are all right in saying I have no control over this whatsoever. I genuinely think it might kill me one way or another and I'm terrified.

Night all, sorry for all the me me me posts...will make myself snap out of it tomorrow I promise xxx

Don't apologise elba, we're all here for the same reason in terms of damage limitation, maybe decide on 3 nights a week when you'll drink and stick to it? Buy the drink on the day, buy the nicer branded stuff, it'll give you something to look forward to on the other days? It's not perfect but it's better than drinking 7 days a week and any step is a step in the right direction

Do you have any paracetamol for back? Consider going to doctors/A and E if it's still bad tomorrow because you never know what;s happened to it, it's best to be safe than sorry and in case you feel guilty going there because of the drinking (I know I have done in the past) just remember you've paid your tax and NI and have as much right to be there as anyone else

Well done on your willpower and determination, we're all here for you. For now, be kind to yourself. Have a lovely bath/shower/wipe down, warm pjs on radiator to be cosy, watch some netflix or a crap film. Feel better soon

Morning Babes
Here's me as a baby, trying to flash me knickers in my lovely woolen dress

Elba you're like me - you simply have no 'off' button. I cannot moderate (why would I want to do that, I WANT IT ALL AND NOW) there are many of us with no 'off' button and moderation just ain't gonna happen. Not sure what to advise, as I struggled and struggled. I knew that I had a problem.

Mrs you asked me about my journey.......... I found the bus (I think it's 3 years ago this October, not sure) and I kept trying and trying, getting to Day 3 and pressing the 'fuck it' button. Then my birthday 2015, I got shitfaced, woke up the next morning and thought - 'right, that's it, I've had enough, I don't like myself, I'm going to go 100 Days AF. Fuck me it was a struggle, but I had a renewed determination, some Babes will remember, I watched crap TV every night (think, Millionaire Matchmaker and all the Housewives programs) I ate so much sweet stuff, I had to stay away from certain friends (because a) they didn't understand and b) tried to encourage me to drink - mainly because me giving up made them look at themselves and the fact that they also have a problem)
So I reached 100 Days and thought 'right what shall I do now?' So I decided to do another 100 Days and when I succeeded with that (I now had 200 Days under my belt) I thought well, fuck it, let's go for a one year All the questions came flooding in, can I actually do Christmas with no booze? New Year, really? etc etc

If it hadn't been for the Babes on this bus I would not be where I am today.

Elba it is 'raw', it is a re-discovery of yourself without booze. And that in itself is very scary, old wounds get a good showing, flashbacks and the past memories (that perhaps you've buried for years) all come out for a parade. It's not easy BUT it is soooooo worth it
I've probably scared the shit out of you (sorry if I have) You will start to feel better after 7 Days just try it, if you can.
There is no judgment on this bus, that is what is so so supportive. We don't care if you fall off a wall into the bush (we do, but you know what I mean) - we have done the same and much much worse. Hugs x

I've just looked at my app - Today I have not been drinking for 460 Days Who'd have thought it - I could never imagine getting this far and I am so grateful to the Babes on this bus.
Laters x

What a cute baby photo spanna and your story is truly inspirational. Those of us who can't seem to manage more than a day take hope from you.

Looks like all the other babes re too chicken to post a baby photo!

Morning Ma, hope your niece & nephew weren't too much of a pain It's been a tough old time for you, you are such a strong Babe and you're going through so much what you up to today?

I'm sure there'll be some more Babes Baby Photos by the end of the day big hint y'all-

I have to work, 2 clients over the day 10-11, 11-12, 3-5, 6-7 - £75 so I can't complain one of the chaps lives with dementia and I found his shirt all neatly folded in the fridge I love my oldies but it does get to me sometimes.

Have a good day everyone

spanna my father has dementia and is in care so I have total respect for those who care for the elderly. Thank you.

Only plan for today is clearing out Ds room to get it ready for painting. Someone shoot me now...

Ma I know about your dad I remember you saying. I'm lucky, in that, I'm not a carer, I'm what they call a befriender so make sure they've eaten, prompt their meds and get to know them. My aim is for them to be in their own home for as long as possible and then I co-ordinate the Volunteers at a nursing home for 10 hours a week, so I have this team of 8 ladies who fuss over me as if I'm their long lost daughter/grand-daughter, which is lovely

Sounds to me like you're having a decorating fest - is DS around to help? Yuck boys rooms (mind you girls rooms can be worse!!!!!!) I wish you luck with that my friend