Did my husband cross the line with Platonic Facebook friend.

[stridz]

My 51 year old husband had a Facebook friendship with a very attractive 37 year old - someone who had worked at his office some time ago. There were lots of likes between them, plenty of innuendo and lots of private messages. She has very sexy minx profile pictures and has public settings so I think she enjoys getting attention. She originally asked him to be a Facebook friend (and nobody else from their old office life). He decided he wanted to "get to know her better" as they got on so well - there appears to have been a real spark between them. He questioned himself whether this was the right thing to do but decided to do it anyway as life is too short. So he asked her if she would like to be meet up as he wanted to be "more than Facebook friends". He invited her out to an evening rendezvous in our local city centre on a night when I would be out. He even cleaned the car inside and out beforehand (something he never normally does) and gave her a lift home to her parents house - where she was staying as she no longer lives in this country but reguarly comes back to our city to visit said parents. He wanted to see her before she left the country again. He says he tried to tell me he was going to be meeting her but said I didn't appear to be listening so he assumed it would be ok. He said nothing about his evening out when I returned that night - the night of his rendezvous - but he seemed in a very good mood. The next morning he told me nothing. However I found a receipt in the bin the next day and didn't think much to it but casually asked him about it. He very sheepishly and quite dreamily said it was to do with "seeing his friend before she went back to . There was something about his response that set my alarm bells ringing, and I had to tease the information out of him to find out about his evening out. I think he would have been happy to not say anything. Does anybody else out there think he crossed a line and think he was entering dangerous territory? I think if he had doubts he should have made sure he sat me down and told me about his plans properly. I think she was possibly starting to "reel him in". He said it was platonic, but I feel very uncomfortable about it. What do others think?

.. And yet he's never felt the need to lie about them, valet his car or talk dreamily about their evening.

Nor has he exchanged flirty messages with them or posted all I've FB about how their company was so great.

Bit more unusual now eh, when you've read the the thread closely?

I have read the thread actually thanks Hissy .

Im presuming he doesnt clean his car out for them though Jem.

Who knows

Been busy! Re the car - it was really filthy. He said yes he would do it for any new friend male or female. However I do think she was a very special friend - and female. He did not intend anything sexual that night - but the relationship and his actions were wrong and wounding. My mum - who has had to deal with far worse and far more serious issues than my situation in her life - has advised me to try although enormously difficult to if at all possible move on from this, and get my life back. My sister - likewise - and she too and has faced terrible things. My Husband is sincerely sorry for the pain he's caused me. He understands it was stupid. He will never forget it. I won't and I haven't forgiven yet but I do want to give my marriage a second chance. Some good has come out of this and I will have to try to focus on it. I also have the power in our relationship now - although I believe in it being equal in partners - but for now i am in a powerful place. Although its been a horrible way to gain it.

I think Jemmima has assessed things correctly. But I appreciate everyone elses opinions and thoughts.

I agree too with LyinWitch on 23.05. at 18.07 - all of her paragraph including - benign neglect for my feelings and our marriage.

Hissy and everyone else who recommended it - Ive ordered the shirley glass book. And i will be getting DH to read it too.

I have not ready it, never had cause to, but it's highly recommended as a book, and a concept.

It's important to have friends, outside of our relationships.different people bring different things to our lives, enriching our lives and offering different qualities and depth.

These friends need to be friends of our marriage/lives too, given that our relationship is healthy and what we want/need in life.

You do hold all the cards, and there is a power imbalance at the moment, but this enables respect and concern to be regained where it was lost/mislaid.

It will be ok in the end. You will get where you need to be.

Thanks Hissy. You are right.

Second chance to do it again?

Had she been up for it he would hav shagged her.

He didn't tell you because he wanted to go.

Your mum and your sister are advising you to "move on"

When family members give out this kind of advice to women its usually to suit their own agenda because THEY dont want any disruption to the family or have a cosy existence threatened.

I agree with Helena, OP. You are going to be looking at a lot of grains of sand I guess.