Did my husband cross the line with Platonic Facebook friend.

[stridz]

My 51 year old husband had a Facebook friendship with a very attractive 37 year old - someone who had worked at his office some time ago. There were lots of likes between them, plenty of innuendo and lots of private messages. She has very sexy minx profile pictures and has public settings so I think she enjoys getting attention. She originally asked him to be a Facebook friend (and nobody else from their old office life). He decided he wanted to "get to know her better" as they got on so well - there appears to have been a real spark between them. He questioned himself whether this was the right thing to do but decided to do it anyway as life is too short. So he asked her if she would like to be meet up as he wanted to be "more than Facebook friends". He invited her out to an evening rendezvous in our local city centre on a night when I would be out. He even cleaned the car inside and out beforehand (something he never normally does) and gave her a lift home to her parents house - where she was staying as she no longer lives in this country but reguarly comes back to our city to visit said parents. He wanted to see her before she left the country again. He says he tried to tell me he was going to be meeting her but said I didn't appear to be listening so he assumed it would be ok. He said nothing about his evening out when I returned that night - the night of his rendezvous - but he seemed in a very good mood. The next morning he told me nothing. However I found a receipt in the bin the next day and didn't think much to it but casually asked him about it. He very sheepishly and quite dreamily said it was to do with "seeing his friend before she went back to . There was something about his response that set my alarm bells ringing, and I had to tease the information out of him to find out about his evening out. I think he would have been happy to not say anything. Does anybody else out there think he crossed a line and think he was entering dangerous territory? I think if he had doubts he should have made sure he sat me down and told me about his plans properly. I think she was possibly starting to "reel him in". He said it was platonic, but I feel very uncomfortable about it. What do others think?

[stridz]

I accept he is responsible but from what I know about her I don't think she can be let off scot free.

[Dozer]

Oh dear.

[stridz]

He says it's because the car was filthy - it was - very - and he'd clean it if he was giving any new friend a lift.......????????

[stridz]

He's a bit stupid, naive, insensitive, and not always a great judge of character. He said he meant no harm by it, he NEVER meant to hurt me and if he'd known what trouble it caused he would never have done it.......

[HelenaDove]

stridz accepting that he is just as responsible as she is as well as the fact that he is the one who made vows to you , not her is not letting her off scott free

[honeyandmarmitesandwiches]

Would he really have cleaned the car to give a platonic male friend a lift, new friend or otherwise? I would probably give it a wipe if it was truly gross, chuck any rubbish out (or general clutter in the back) and merrily said 'sorry the car is in a bit of a state', but this sounds like the full valet treatment. He was trying to impress her. Still not platonic friend behaviour if you ask me.
You know your husband best though and if as you say he can be naive/insensitive and you truly accept that then nobody on here has the right to say otherwise. It still sounds 100% like an attempted affair to me though

[Hissy]

If he had have known he'd get busted he'd have never have done it more like!

When was the last time he cleaned the car? Has he taken anyone in his car and cleaned it before?

He is a vile lying prick. He's actually too stupid to put up with. No wonder you're angry, he thinks your even more stupid than he is!

[Hissy]

He never even gave your feelings a second thought. Ok so he never meant to hurt you, but actually had he been thinking about anything other than his dick it would have been glaringly obvious to him how this was all going to turn out.

[stridz]

He's cleaned it when he's had to give people lifts for work. He says he'd do it for any new friend...........

[Piemernator]

I would just be buying a vice to pop his bollocks in.

[notapizzaeater]

He's lying ! Are you not worthy of a clean car or is that just for girlfriends ? He's not treating you with. Any respect.

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

He says he didnt intend to hide it from me. He thought he'd told me but I obviously wasnt listening.

Assuming he actually did tell you, it's a trick my young DC try to do - ask me if they can do something they know I usually would say 'no' to when I'm busy, knowing my mind is elsewhere, that I just absentmindedly say 'yes'.

Oh and diddums to him that you're not over it as quick as he'd like obviously he's guilty - he doesn't get to choose/dictate that, and the fact that he feels entitled to tell you how to feel speaks volumes.

[HelenaDove]

Has he ever cleaned out the car for you OP when you are about to sit in it wearing a new outfit for instance.

[stridz]

He says he's not physically attracted to her.......any comments re that?!

[honeyandmarmitesandwiches]

Ok, but...what about all the 'likes, innuendo and private messaging' on Facebook? He seems to be trying to convince you he was behaving as he would for any friend, but does it also work for the Facebook behaviour? Even posting about what great company she was? He'd do that for a male friend would he...I have heard of bromances but really?!

[stridz]

No - he hardly ever cleans the car for me.

[Buzzardbird]

Oh dear. Good luck OP, you're going to need it.

[HelenaDove]

Thats what i thought. When someone tells you who they are .........

[stridz]

I think if he'd been caught out actually having a sexual liaison in some respects it would be less complicated for me - I would just sling him out. But this is tricky. WE have been married for very nearly 20 years. We have kids.

[Piemernator]

He can say what he likes, actions speak louder.

What do YOU want to happen.

I could not be arsed with someone who thinks it is okay to attempt to mindfuck me like your DH is doing to you.

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

He says he's not physically attracted to her.......

What a load of crap, it's funny how far him/men like him will go to persue a 'platonic friendship' with a woman who just so happen to be attractive and nearly young enough to be his daughter, I'm sure there are/were plenty of male colleagues at his workplace he has far more in common with, yet I bet he doesn't do this with them...

It's such a cliché.

[honeyandmarmitesandwiches]

It is tricky. I'm so sorry

Just a a bit wary that he's trying to paint things differently from what they actually were, because that isn't going to put your mind at rest or help the two of you put it behind you(not that I think you should be anywhere near that yet). But if he can't be honest and keeps minimising the whole thing and making you question your totally fair assessment of the situation, that's an unfair way for him to treat you as well and I know would niggle at me for a long time. He needs to be honest with himself and you about his motivations. Better to get the poison out now iyswim. And see where that leaves you.

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

And I'm not saying men and women can't be friends, many can and do, without a hint of trying it on because it's genuine but this sneaking about etc, hints this isn't a friendship he's after.

[stridz]

Hes told me in a completely sincer way that it was complete and utter friendship. I think in some ways he's a bit "simple" - not very tuned in to what things look and sound like.

[DoinItFine]

He's not simple, but he thinks you are.