to think DP should get himself up in the morning?

[EnoughAlready999]

He sets about 3 alarm his phone but turns them all off and goes back to sleep until I come up and say it's 8 / ten past whatever. He then blames me for him being in a rush, calls me rude/ignorant etc. My daughterlikes to be early for school so we leave at 8.25/8.30 but he adds stress to it all by holding us up and sometimes (like this morning) smoking in the car which DD hates (she knows it's illegal too!)

I've told him I will stop talking to him in the morning as its just upsetting. I don't see why I should be spoken to like that. He says he ddoesn't know why I'm like it as though I'm the rude one.

She also suggested I contact Women's Aid which I have so hasn't RTFT.

I am actually considering abortion again. It's bad enough having one child with him and another is just going to give him a reason to stress me out for another 18 years, together
or not.

If you really think 'dimwit' is that offensive you've obviously never heard the things he calls me.

It is kind of pointless to ask it, though, it's done now. At least there is still another alternative. For many women who get the 'why did you.?' comment they would have to get in a time machine to make any difference.

OP, I'd stop talking to him anymore at all. Anything you say to him just has him throwing blame and bile back at you. Don't put yourself through even justifying yourself any more. Find out your legal position re the house - ring Citizens Advice maybe? - and separate from him. If you want the baby, you'll probably be better raising it and your DD alone anyway. If you really don't think it's for the best, termination is an option.

Before you do another thing, call and book an appointment with a solicitor. Many give free 1/2 hour consult to answer questions. You want to know about maintenance and finances.

I should probably wait and get him out
If the house is jointly owned, he doesn't have to leave if he doesn't want to, unless there is physical violence. And men like him usually enjoy making you miserable, so he'll have no incentive to leave just to 'be nice', iyswim.

Solicitor, citizens advice bureau, council, housing associations and maybe even social services(I might be reaching but just trying to think of all the people that might be able to help) and I know the house is jointly owned but you might not be able to get him out, so think of other options just in case. He sounds like a prize dick. Hope you get something sorted soon. X

I won't be eligible for social housing as I own this place.

What a mess. I really would rather just end it all, then he'll be rid of me and the baby in one go.

It seems like a mess now, but it won't be for long. You have a greater claim to the house than he does, not just because you paid the deposit but because you're the chief caregiver of one child and have another on the way (if you decide to keep it). But in the short term you might prefer to move somewhere else temporarily, to get away from the bastard, clear your head and cheer up your DD.
Do you want to keep the house longer term?

Don't really mind as long as I get my money back. It would make sense to keep it as it's an investment and would be easy to rent out.

Yes, good idea to keep it and rent it out and pay off the mortgage that way.

Good luck, OP. I promise you that life will improve immensely once you've turfed this nasty dude. You will feel normal and healthy. And that feels so sweet.

Thank you Groover x

I don't understand why you are letting him physically assault your daughter but are confident that he wouldn't touch you because there would be consequences. Why aren't there consequences for assaulting your daughter?

That seems backwards to most women I know - who might stay with someone who hits them but would leave if he touched their children.

You seem more concerned about the flat deposit than anything else but I'm not sure why. Even if you move out, you still own 15% of the flat. It isn't going anywhere and is perfectly safe. He can't sell or encumber it without your consent.

Enough I didn't say calling a fellow poster a dimwit was offensive, I said horrible, just don't think there is a need for name calling that's all.

I really would rather just end it all

OP, can you help me understand what you mean by this? If you are in any way having thoughts of harming yourself or that it might be easiest if you weren't around any more .. could you please call 116123 from any phone and talk to the Samaritans?

Blooming hell....my DS 19, gets himself to work for 8am, all by himself. ......and sometimes brings me up a cup of tea in bed on my day off. He'll make some girl a lovely DH one day.😊

Don't have an abortion if you want this baby.

Call WA again. There is DV taking place - he's just hurt your DD.
Call the police - you mentioned he's tight with money - he's emotionally, financially and now physically abusive. This is going to escalate.
Call a solicitor and ask for advice.

Either way, LTB. An alarm clock is the least of your problems right now.

You'll be much happier when you leave. You, your baby and DD do not need to put up with this abuse any longer.

Come back, EnoughAlready999, let us know how you are? I'm worried about you and your kids

I'm ok thank you. I'm going to use this thread to record his behaviour.

Thursday was when he lost his temper (because I asked him why he was so tired at 8.30pm & that I wouldn't be waking him up the next day as it was like having a teenager. DD chipped in 'yeah you are like a teenager' and that's when jumped up, snatched her phone off her and hurt her. Felt like he was going to go for me but he didn't.

Friday he shouted at me calling me "f*ing stupid" several times in front of DD because I asked him to transfer some mmoney to my account. It was about 9.30pm and he was annoyed cos he thought he wouldn't be able to transfer it in time to avoid charges. He was so rude I told him to forget it and asked my brother instead. He texted me later when I'd gone to bed to say sorry.

Yesterday (Saturday) he was ok most of day and then had an outburst while ordering takeaway online. DD wanted it, I didn't think we should as I had stuff for dinner but he said "yeah we could". He then got all frustrated trying to order through Hungryhouse and started blaming me saying I should have got on with dinner - I had just returned from dropping 2 of DD's friends home. Usual stressy behaviour, swearing at me and then going off to smoke.

Today he has verbally abused me again and called me stupid because he claims I didn't tell him that £95 would be taken from his account by Virgin Media. I told him this when I first saw the bill but he 'doesn't remember'. I also rang up to get the bad line fixed and to query the amount. I told him that day what they said (that £30 was from our previous address & the bill was for 6 weeks). He didn't remember any of this and told me I was completely useless. I have now decided not to go to his mum's for dinner and he's having a major tantrum.

Well I don't blame you for not wanting to go. Staying at home means you get a bit of peace, a rest from his atrocious behaviour.

He's really dreadful, Enough. He will never remember things if it gives him an excuse to have a go at you, he will always blame you when anything happens (and when it doesn't). It's an awful life for you, and for dd.

Can you find a shit hot lawyer? WA can sometimes recommend family lawyers in the area.

Keeping a diary of his behaviour is a very good idea, and threads like this, with a date and time stamp, are a good way of doing it. May I suggest that you get this moved to Relationships though? Report your opening post (click on Report on the blue line your name is on) and you'll get a text box. Just ask them to move it over.

I certainly wouldn't go, either, unless I thought my MiL would rip him a new mud hole for his behaviour (and mine would have done!).

Whilst he's gone, use this time to gather important documents (passports, birth/marriage certs, etc) and hide them or take pictures on your phone and memorize where they are if he'd miss them if they're moved. Same thing for his bank statements, wage slips, etc, etc. Change any passwords you feel safe in changing.

Also, pack a 'bug out bag' and hide it. That's clothing, meds, those important papers, and any other essentials for you and DC and enough cash to get you where you're going and pay for a hotel for a night. Or at least pack the bag and start putting what cash you can into it. Don't completely depend on an ATM or credit card unless it's in your sole name OR he has no way to change the password or 'kill' the card (i.e. falsely report it stolen).

Again, this doesn't mean you actually have to 'do anything'. It's just that old Scout motto "Be Prepared".

Can you not find a way to take DD to school by bus without him?

Your DD will begin to think that women should accept this stupidity.

When you say 'smoke' is it cigarettes or weed?
Weed smoking would explain some of this!
I hope you managed to get some time on your own yesterday and didn't get bullied to going to MIL?

It is normal tobacco and weed. Weed every evening, earlier on the weekends. He has to have something in order to cope with me doesn't he?!

I did go to his mum's yesterday after forcing an apology out of him. He still accused of throwing my toys out of my pram. I've told his mum what he's like and about the weed but she just seems blind to it. Just thinks we're both a bit argumentative. I don't respect her opinion tbh anymore.

Today he woke up and said he hates Mondays especially when I've "been a bitch all weekend and treated him like crap". I asked him for specific of this and all he could say was "maybe one you'll understand". I decided that it was time to go then (which it was) and called DD. This pissed him off and he accused me of being passive aggressive. Big sigh.