to think DP should get himself up in the morning?

[EnoughAlready999]

He sets about 3 alarm his phone but turns them all off and goes back to sleep until I come up and say it's 8 / ten past whatever. He then blames me for him being in a rush, calls me rude/ignorant etc. My daughterlikes to be early for school so we leave at 8.25/8.30 but he adds stress to it all by holding us up and sometimes (like this morning) smoking in the car which DD hates (she knows it's illegal too!)

I've told him I will stop talking to him in the morning as its just upsetting. I don't see why I should be spoken to like that. He says he ddoesn't know why I'm like it as though I'm the rude one.

Missed out a few words there! (me, examples, day)

There's a difference between being passive aggressive and walking away from someone who is clearly trying to start something.
This relationship sounds toxic. Somethinghasto change.

Thank you remember. Sometimes I do get very confused and wonder if perhaps I am a cold-hearted bitch after all as he sounds so sure of himself and I've been uncertain about myself everything. I like to think the best of people unless they prove otherwise.

I like to think the best of people unless they prove otherwise

And he has proved otherwise - must be an exhausting way to live.

Usual texts from him this morning:

DP: I don't want it to be like this. I have found it hard to trust you since you tricked me into having another. I do love you but I can't take being treated like crap particularly when DD's involved. I can learn to take it or leave is your only reaction. I just wish we could talk more and sort some of this I'll feeling out. I am sorry. X

Me: Standard text from you. "I'm sorry but it's all your fault basically"
I don't need to hear or read any of your bullshit anymore.

DP: Sorry. I didn't mean to put it all on you. I know I have been short tempered. I really do want us to be closer and more supportive. I just want to know I can trust you.

DP: I don't want to keep falling out or arguing. I just think if we care about each other and be respectful it would be better all round. I do care about you a lot. X

Sounds so nice in his texts doesn't he?!

And Grumpy yes I am exhausted and have been for years. I feel semi - positive for the first hour of the day and then he gets up and my energy and any happy kind of mood is gone.

Well, actions speak so much louder than words, he is draining you.
Do you plan to get some legal advice?
What does he mean you tricked him into another baby?

Your poor daughter.

You "tricked him" into having another child? How?

God he sounds like such a twat.

I didn't trick him. This pregnancy was unplanned but he thinks I deliberately missed pills. Despite what I say he still thinks I planned it. If I'd known he was so opposed to having another, planned or unplanned, I'd have suggested he get a vasectomy or even better split up as I always wanted more and he knew that but was too cowardly to be honest and upfront.

I really hate him today - can you tell?!
I texted back saying how lovely he sounds in his messages and what a shame it doesn't translate into real life.

We have the 20 week scan next week but I don't want him there or at the birth.

He's a drug addict as well!!??
Marvellous.
You KNOW what you need to do.
So get on and do it.
Get him gone!

I'll have to leave, he never will.

I'm thinking about 10 days' time. Just wish it didn't mean living at my parents' as its really not that suitable there (not much room, leaking roof, limited hot water etc) and DD hates it. My parents are also difficult to live with.

I'd rather live in a tent under a bridge than put up shit behaviour from a twatty drug addict.

Why won't he go?
He could go to his mums rather than put you and the DC out?
I know I'm thinking of dealing with a rational person and he's not... but what does he say when you tell him to leave?

If you do have to leave and you'll be there for 10 days then get some estate agents round to do a valuation.
You should have 3 in total.

Get a free half hour with solicitors and discuss your options of how to get him out. Again, try 3 solicitors and go with the one you think will do the best job.

Are your parents more difficult to live with than him?

I haven't RTFT but my DPs alarm goes off at half 6. He gets up between 6:45 and 7am depending on whether he needs to get the earlier bus or not. I get up and if I leave him until 7 (and I regularly do) he's fine with that. He knows it's his responsibility to get himself up for work especially now that I'm on mat leave and don't need to be up at the same time.

Smoking in the car with children and a pregnant lady are a big no no! Definitely make him walk in future!

Oh god just caught up OP. He sounds delightful. Get him to move out. He's the Knob head and is he going to see his DD relocated just to be spiteful?

He won't go because he doesn't want to split up let alone move out! He can't live at his mum's anyway, she has a B&B but no spare living accommodation.

It's easy to say you'd rather live in a tent but would you?

If it was just me I'd put up with anywhere but I can't put DD through that.

My mother turned up unannounced AGAIN on Saturday afternoon, came to the back door and said "so you're moving out in 2 weeks, which room do you want?" WITHIN EARSHOT OF HIM! Stupid woman. Luckily the telly was on and he was quite dozy/stoned so didn't hear but that the kind of useless 'support' I have from my family

They both do my head in Grumpy and are probably why I have felt so anxious/depressed for most of my life. I don't want my daughter to have to be around them but I guess it's the lesser of two evils.

He is abusive and leaving him will make life a lot easier for you. You're doing practically all of the work re your child now anyway.

He acts like this as well because he can. He gets what he wants out of this; you as a skivvy to run around after him. Men like him actually hate women, all of them.

Your underlying anxiety and depression likely have their roots in your own upbringing. What did you learn about relationships when growing up and what do you want to teach your child and as yet unborn child about relationships?. Surely not this dysfunctional role model of one.

Has your mother always been in the habit of turning up unannounced?. What are your own boundaries like with regards to her?.

"He won't go because he doesn't want to split up let alone move out! He can't live at his mum's anyway, she has a B&B but no spare living accommodation".

Where he goes should be of no concern to you but it is, why?.

Atilla I don't care where he goes, I was explaining to a pop why he won't go and can't go to his mum's.

My mum has had own problems with depression/anxiety and therefore was always taken up with herself. And if course I picked up on her moods. Even now she'll ask how I am and then quickly go on to talk about herself. She never really listens or absorbs anything you say. She rings almost every day and will leave a rambling message with no real information. If I confide in her she will tell everyone (brothers, people at church) my problems cos she can't handle keeping anything to herself. It drives me mad and this week she has really made me want to distance myself from her. Which in the end makes me feel even more isolated and alone.

Could he go to his mum's and pay her going rate so she doesn't lose the income? I'd certainly suggest it to him! He's going to have to pay rent at some point, may as well start now.

How well do you get on with your brothers? Or one in particular? I know my elder bro would walk over fire if it would help me, and nothing my mum might have said would have interfered with that.

Oh op, you sound like you feel you are caught between a rock and a hard place.

Re the house, I'm sure if you leave you are entitled t benefits for 6 months before they tell you that you have to sell the house. May be worth talking to CAB to clarify though? ?

It's easy to say but DH needs to quit the weed as that won't be helping anything (not to mention it's illegal), I guess you could try to talk to him buy I suspect he'll twist it all around. Would your brother help you?

My older sister was in an emotionally abusive relationship but she just didn't realise despite us all telling her. Eventually 19 years on he cheated and she finally began to see the marriage for what it was. They are now separated but even now he's still super abusive to her, the difference is now she just tells him to fuck off when he starts.

I don't know what to suggest, realistically he needs to leave but of course you run the risk of him cutting you off and you living in a house with no way to pay for it. I think CAB is a necessity now xxx