to think DP should get himself up in the morning?

[EnoughAlready999]

He sets about 3 alarm his phone but turns them all off and goes back to sleep until I come up and say it's 8 / ten past whatever. He then blames me for him being in a rush, calls me rude/ignorant etc. My daughterlikes to be early for school so we leave at 8.25/8.30 but he adds stress to it all by holding us up and sometimes (like this morning) smoking in the car which DD hates (she knows it's illegal too!)

I've told him I will stop talking to him in the morning as its just upsetting. I don't see why I should be spoken to like that. He says he ddoesn't know why I'm like it as though I'm the rude one.

Oh OP just seen your last 2 updates, it sounds like neither of you are happy in this relationship.

Why do you stay? What's in it for you?

Has it always been like this?

Honestly. Just ask him to leave. You need the house wth the kids, he doesn't.

You'll be fine on your own, much better than how things are now.

My big question is, how the hell are you pregnant now? If someone spoke to me like that they'd have had no show of any PIV action.

He's an arsehole most of the time especially now I'm pregnant.

:( OP, what are you going to do about it? This is no way to live, and he sounds like a prize cock.

DH and I get up at 6.30 during the week, and he gets up with ds on Saturdays and leaves me in bed.

Me: As long as you can blame me it's all fine. I don't think things will ever improve.

DP: don't think they will either. Nothing will change until you want it to and you really care. Neither seems likely.

"I know it seems like I want to be horrible but I don't" - emotional abuse alert, aka "you make me do it".

l am amazed you get him up! he is not your child!

Both my dh and l hate early mornings (like most people) but his alarm goes at 5.45am and he is out of the door at 6.20am.
I get up at 6.12am and leave to take ds to his school bus at 7.20am.

Your DH sounds like a spoilt child, my dcs good naturedly get up at their alarms first time at 7am however tired they may feel first thing, and they are 8 and 10.

You do not deserve to be spoken to so rudely...ever....are you happy with him otherwise op?

Oh, so YOU don't care about HIM? Come on OP, why on earth would you not care about a grumpy twat who blames you for his own shortcomings, calls you names and puts your children's health in danger? yeah, totally your fault .

He is a twat who cannot take responsibility for his actions. So sorry you're experiencing this OP.

Tell him to find somewhere else to stay. He's right, you no longer care for him.

His texts sound nice. He sounds genuinely like he wants to make it work.

However, he's just manipulating you. Look at how he spoke to you this morning? Look at him upsetting DD.

Don't fall for the crap.

I know it seems like I want to be horrible but I really don't. I feel, maybe incorrectly, that you don't really care about me and I am bitter about that.

So he's admitting he's being horrible to you, not because he wants to but because you make him.

What an arse, I knew from your previous posts he was punishing you for something, and there it is, him admitting just that.

I'm sorry Enough you dont need to put up with this.

Nothing will change unless you want it to. I will do anything that would help.

Except getting out of bed in the morning??

I know it seems like I want to be horrible but I really don't.

Well, why is he then?

I feel, maybe incorrectly, that you don't really care about me and I am bitter about that.

Well, if he acted less like a spoiled twat and more like a man, maybe you would care more about him, OP.

Sounds like you're both unhappy. And he's obviously not taking any responsibility for WHY you may be unhappy, just feeling sorry for himself. Why not ask him to leave and see how things are without him :)

He is an arsehole

And I don't know how you can change things other than by walking away from his and his foul mouth and behaviour.

For fear of sounding too MN, LTB.

He is nasty to you. He is getting nastier to you whilst you are pregnant. He's smoking in your car with your daughter in it whilst you are pregnant. He puts you down and has worn down your self esteem. You are tight for money, yet he is making digs at you for being 'just' a SAHM.

And he is blaming you for his inability to get up in the morning., whilst insulting you.

What would you do if a friend told you she was being treated like this?

FWIW I am bloody awful in the mornings. A combination of health conditions and medications, I set several alarms, DH gets up with / before DS, and I ge tup when they come back upstairs to get dressed.

Tell him you're no longer waking him up. If he's late, that's his problem and he's to stop making if yours and DCs problem

God, his texts are making me angry, and I'm not married to him!

Nothing will change until you want it to and you really care. Neither seems likely.

This is just going round in circles. You could sit down with him and say,

Here are the things I'd like you to do:

get up by yourself and get ready
don't smoke in car
speak nicely to me and dd
etc

and see what he says.

He sounds like a total liability. No one likes getting up, but my husband gets up at 530, I get up at 545, and our almost 15 year old gets himself up at 730 for school. I start work at 645, my husband at 630.We do this so we can finish at 12 on Friday so me and my husband can do some chores and when my son finishes school at 245 we can have a relaxing weekend. I'd have no truck whatsoever with someone like your man, he sounds like a useless disrespectful child man.

Agree with CocktailQueen

Wow, he sounds lovely...
Of course YANBU, he needs to grow up and sort himself out, and stop being a dick and calling you names!

'I feel like you don't really care about me' = 'I want you to show you care by not disagreeing with me, asking me to do anything, or expecting anything of me, ever'

What nasty, emotionally manipulative messages.

Ffs, he is trying to lay the responsibility of the relationship, and himself, squarely on you!

I'd go with CocktailQueens replies.

'I feel like you don't really care about me' = 'I want you to show you care by not disagreeing with me, asking me to do anything, or expecting anything of me, ever'

^^^THIS!! A thousand times this.

Nothing will change until you want it to
You: "Well I want it to absolutely and here's a list of things that need to change immediately"

Then give him CocktailQueen list!
See what he says to that.
Then take it from there.

But of course it will still all be your fault.
As previous PPs have said. He sounds like an abuser.
They never change.
Sorry you are going through this but it seems like the scales are falling from your eyes.

Could you contact Womens Aid and ask for their advice?
They may be able to point you in the direction of some good local support services.

The idea of being with someone is supposed to be because they make your life better, love and support you. They are supposed to be the person you can always rely on.

So why the hell are you putting up with this complete knobber?

You have made it quite clear you don't want us to be closer or more supportive

Exactly what does he mean by this? That you aren't 'more supportive' which to him means catering to his every whim? That you've mentally and/or emotionally 'stepped away' from the marriage? That you truly aren't supportive of him (in the usual way spouses are supportive of each other)? I'm not saying any or all of these are true. Just saying take a look at your marriage as a whole.

Sorry to hear this OP but I agree with others. Kick him to the kerb. You will probably be happier without him.

My dh has a split shift at work. He gets up at 5 in the morning to start at 6 (occasionally he gets up at 4 to start at 5) and the next week he gets up at whatever time the kids wake up.

I've had to wake him up occasionally because he's slept through his alarm but he is incredibly grateful for it