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Original poster

to think DP should get himself up in the morning?

317 replies

EnoughAlready999 · 19/05/2016 12:23

He sets about 3 alarm his phone but turns them all off and goes back to sleep until I come up and say it's 8 / ten past whatever. He then blames me for him being in a rush, calls me rude/ignorant etc. My daughterlikes to be early for school so we leave at 8.25/8.30 but he adds stress to it all by holding us up and sometimes (like this morning) smoking in the car which DD hates (she knows it's illegal too!)

I've told him I will stop talking to him in the morning as its just upsetting. I don't see why I should be spoken to like that. He says he ddoesn't know why I'm like it as though I'm the rude one.

OP posts:
KickAssAngel · 19/05/2016 13:30

You'd probably be much better off emotionally AND financially without him.

How far is his work? If you drop him off on the way, he should be able to walk there. What would happen if you just left without him?

I wouldn't set an alarm. I'd tell him very clearly what time the transport leaves, get in the car and go.

Another question - your DD sounds quite anxious. It could be general anxiety, or it could be a reflection of the stress at home. Personally, being in a home of my own with a DD who isn't anxious and enough money to support the DC sounds a whole load better than the current situation.

TrillKitten · 19/05/2016 13:32

I am awful at waking up. I used to set (no joke) 6 alarms at 5 min intervals because I got so good at skipping the 'snooze' function. Now, rather than waking up my OH I got one of those fitbit bracelets, it vibrates round my wrist and it knows when you're actually up, hateful thing. I loathe it so much. It works though. I suspect those last two things might actually be related... Wink

In answer to the actual thread - You should not have to parent another adult.
Particularly when that other adult should be helping you actually parent.

Make him sleep in a room alone for a week, see who he blames then?

Hikez · 19/05/2016 13:32

Then he is certainly old enough to know better. I am a 33 year old man and neither me or any of my friends behave in this manor.

BadDoGooder · 19/05/2016 13:33

I'm a SAHM, DS isn't at school yet though.
DP gets himself up at 5 for work, will often make DS and me drinks before he goes to work.
If I happen to get up at the same time I will make us all drinks and do his thermos, as a nice thing to do, but no way would he expect me to be responsible for him getting up at 5 every day, I have enough to do when DS wakes up!!

But your issue is more than this isn't it?
He sounds like a total selfish arse, great big man child.
I'm sorry op Flowers

And I'm a smoker, and no way in hell would DP or anyone else be allowed to smoke in my car with my child in it!!

dylsmimi · 19/05/2016 13:34

I'd love to know what time most other fathers get up
Dh gets up at either 6 or 5 depending on his shift and gets up and goes to work. Dc are generally asleep before he leaves but he will bring dc2 into me if not. On the weekend we take it in turns for a 'lie in' if we can
If school is only 2.5 miles and you drop him off on the way surely he can walk?
I would say that you can't deal with the shouting in the morning or the smoking (at anytime) so if he wants a lift you and dd leave at 8.30 but you are not waiting for him

MadamDeathstare · 19/05/2016 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CremeEggThief · 19/05/2016 13:35

Why are you going in the car to drop off a 10 year old if you're not working?Confused

You shouldn't even be getting up. He should be getting himself up and making your DD breakfast and dropping her at school, without smoking in the car!Angry

Original poster
EnoughAlready999 · 19/05/2016 13:36

I'd leave in a flash if I wasn't pregnant. Or perhaps that gives me even more of an excuse to leave?

OP posts:
Original poster
EnoughAlready999 · 19/05/2016 13:39

CremeEggThief wait for it....
HE CAN'T BLOODY DRIVE!

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 19/05/2016 13:41

He sounds like a right catch op.

You would be better off without him.

daftbesom · 19/05/2016 13:42

Echo what pps have said.

My DH gets up at 6.45 a.m. on days when he is working, and whatever time he likes on other days. The alarm is on my side of the bed as I work more days than he does, but still he usually manages to get up before I do. He has to leave at 7.35 to catch a bus. I do a few more chores and leave some time after 8. Kids (mid-teens) get themselves to school these days, it's about a mile.

I do look in on my kids to tell them it's morning, and if they haven't appeared by the time I am leaving the house I look in on them again and tell them the time. [Older one has form for his alarm "not working".] But that's their lot.

Your DP needs to grow up, he has children in his family and you need to be on the same side.

These are for you: Flowers

KatharinaRosalie · 19/05/2016 13:43

So you're doing him a favour by driving him to work, and he's holding out up, calling you names and smoking in a car with a child and a pregnant woman. Has not respect for you and is tight to boot.

Does he make your life nicer, better and more pleasant in any way?

ZestyMaximus · 19/05/2016 13:43

Oh OP, sounds more like 'Where would HE be without YOU'. He'd have no transport, no job if he continued to think other people are responsible for him getting up on time, no money and no family. Angry

AcrossthePond55 · 19/05/2016 13:44

I'd think it gives more reason, at least it would for me. If his not getting up was the only thing I expect I could hang around. But combine it with shouting, name calling, and being inconsiderate (smoking in car) and I expect, other things, I'd probably have to give leaving/asking him to leave some serious thought.

Life is too short to live with an arsehole. Pregnancy is too precious a time not to be living a peaceful life. I think you need to look at the totality of your life with him and decide if that's the way you want to live the rest of your life. And if that's the way you want your children to live, too.

liz70 · 19/05/2016 13:44

Well, then, they can BOTH walk, while you stay at home and rest!

PinkMarkerPen · 19/05/2016 13:45

If school is 2.3 miles and you drop him off he's not far from work. He can walk

BadDoGooder · 19/05/2016 13:45

I just noticed this...
"He's an arsehole most of the time especially now I'm pregnant."

Huge great big massive red flag here.

Why are you with someone who is an arsehole most of the time??
You don't have to put up with that shit, at all, ever.

LizzieMacQueen · 19/05/2016 13:47

Send him back to his mum.

Are you married?

Original poster
EnoughAlready999 · 19/05/2016 13:47

Texts this morning.

Me: Sat on my own crying now. Thanks for your love and support.
I am sick of this miserable life.

DP: I am sorry it's like this. I am not happy either. You have made it quite clear you don't want us to be closer or more supportive. It feels like your getting what u want. All three of us unhappy with another one on the way.

OP posts:
Hawkmoth · 19/05/2016 13:48

Would it help if you brought him a brew and an ashtray at ten to eight and made sure his clothes were laid out nicely for him?

BadDoGooder · 19/05/2016 13:48

Seriously op you would probably be better off without him, I'm so sorry.

And pregnancy is a great reason to leave, don't bring two children up with this man, it's not teaching your DD healthy relationships.

daftbesom · 19/05/2016 13:48

Sorry OP, crossed with yours saying you'd leave in a flash if you weren't pregnant.

If that's how you truly, permanently feel (and not just because you're annoyed with him) then please please do something about it. Not necessarily walking out immediately. Couples counselling? Serious talk to see if he is willing to change his behaviour and make the relationship one that you can enjoy?

Original poster
EnoughAlready999 · 19/05/2016 13:49

DP: Nothing will change unless you want it to. I will do anything that would help. But I can't seem to get through to you. I do care about you. I know it seems like I want to be horrible but I really don't. I feel, maybe incorrectly, that you don't really care about me and I am bitter about that.

OP posts:
Pinkheart5915 · 19/05/2016 13:49

Yanbu to expect an adult to be able to get themselves up.

Smoking in the car with DD, why? Just tell the lazy arse sod to smoke outside there is no need IMO to smoke around a child.

Your pregnant and driving him around and he's rude to you. I'd make him walk!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 19/05/2016 13:49

Your last post makes me think he resents you being pregnant because he sees it as another x amount of years of you being a sahm/being on 'easy street' while he has to go to work.

The not getting up thing/making it your responsibility makes me think he does it to make you sweat/playing chicken, he knows he's the sole earner so there's more pressure on him to not get the sack for being late. So he's making it your responsibility to get him up on time/get him there, but by being as obstructive as possible as he doesn't want to make it easy for you/playing mind games.

I agree with PPs that there's a worrying amount of red flags here.

Also I'd keep a spray bottle of water in the car and spray him if he dares smokes again in the car with your DD and unborn DC fucking cock I'd string him up for that alone