to think DP should get himself up in the morning?

[EnoughAlready999]

He sets about 3 alarm his phone but turns them all off and goes back to sleep until I come up and say it's 8 / ten past whatever. He then blames me for him being in a rush, calls me rude/ignorant etc. My daughterlikes to be early for school so we leave at 8.25/8.30 but he adds stress to it all by holding us up and sometimes (like this morning) smoking in the car which DD hates (she knows it's illegal too!)

I've told him I will stop talking to him in the morning as its just upsetting. I don't see why I should be spoken to like that. He says he ddoesn't know why I'm like it as though I'm the rude one.

sorry, buy him out of the house

Why oh why oh why are there threads like this all the flipping time where a woman has become pregnant by an absolute man child. Do you think he would miraculously change when you eves the pee stick in his face .

How helpful and compassionate. You know what really helps abused women? Having a go at them for being in an abusive relationship.

He certainly needs to grow up but I was just wondering whether the situation has got worse since you found out you were pregnant. How far gone are you, by the way? Maybe he is completely stressed out by financial worries and possibly pregnancy hormones might not be helping. I know they didn't help my situation and it was hell at the time. Have you good friends or family to speak to about it who know how things are better than us strangers who are posting?

He is so far in your head that you take his word as gospel. I know many women who didn't think they could survive without the ?D? P and gone on to work out far better without the extra luggage. There are women who accept all the crap these ?men? say to them so they stay in abusive relationships.
I doubt if Womens Aid would fail to see abuse other than physical abuse. Bruises and cuts heal what goes in the head lasts a lot longer and I am sure Womens Aid would know that.

leave him to sleep, dont talk about it, just go - if he is in the car, then good - if not, its his own problem

however.... it looks like this is more than just one thing - so, you need to look at the message you are giving your DD (and new baby when it comes) that life like this is normal and what she should expect!

you can do this, you will get through this

Every time he tries to tell you what to do or says no to you, remember he isn't the boss of you just because he's got a dick. You can do what you want. If you want to stay, you can but be under no illusion this will get worse, but if you want to leave there are people who will help you. You just have to ask.

Get him an old fashioned mechanical alarm clock - they're much louder than battery ones - set it for after you've left the room and put it somewhere well out of reach, so that he has to get right out of bed to turn it off.

If he goes back to sleep after that, tough.

OTOH I think I might just say to him, you're not a kid and I'm not your mother - it's up to you to get yourself up in the morning.

I would think that WA would know that emotional abuse is now considered 'abuse' under the law. But I guess I can understand them wanting to reserve shelter spaces for those in physical danger.

If you've given it thought and have decided that you'd be better off without him, then the next step is to try and facilitate that. And that means reviewing your financial situation and seeking legal advice. Are you married to DP? How are the house deeds titled? Do you have your own source of income? Do you think he'd be cooperative (even minimally) with splitting?

If he is ready when you and DD are then he gets a lift with you in the car - if not he sorts himself out. Not difficult for you at all.

What he says isn't writ in stone just because he said it. He is not god. It would be up to you whether you could afford to run the car, and lots of single mothers can. Don't forget to factor in child maintenance he'd have to pay you.

So what if he's not physically violent? He's emotionally violent and is making you miserable. He's making your child miserable. Kick him to the kerb.

It does seem like your relationship is over. How else does he act? Does he push you, even gently? Does he block you from going where you want to in the house - stand in the doorway or corridor and not move even when you say "excuse me"?

I will say, that if he does any of those things, or is habitually passive-aggressive, it is really, really hard to forget, no matter whether he says he's changed or how far that is in the future. Very hard to forget, let alone forgive.

Get one of these. I have one, got it when my eldest son was still at home soon cured him of his inability to get up. .
www.coolest-gadgets.com/20051003/grenade-alarm/

Also if he's not ready to go drive off without him. Worked with my teenage daughter, doesn't go down well being hauled over the coals for lateness when you are Head Girl of the school!

Jeez Enough, this is not what I was expecting when I opened this thread. I was thinking "find elaborate hiding places for his phone when you get up in the morning; he'll have to get up to switch the damn thing off!" ...and now my heart is breaking for you

Rest assured this is not all you; you are not solely responsible for the unhappiness in your relationship - no matter what he bloody tells you! - and ultimately he is the maker of his own happiness. He seems blind to this fact and it shifting it all onto you. Which is unfair and deeply unkind.

Do not believe that you should do anything at all - that is, compromise your self, lose your self-respect and sacrifice the things you from your relationship just because he's making it sound like you won't have a relationship if you don't. I relationship where you do those things is not worth having.

What is worth having is a relationship where you both shoulder any burdens equally, you both accept responsibility, you listen to each other's needs and concerns and you work together to accommodate them in pursuit of your mutual happiness. I'm not to know if this is or isn't achievable in your situation, but for it to be possible this man's mindset needs to change. He may need help with that (i.e. counselling). Only you know if it's better or worse to stay with him in the meantime.

One more thing: no-one knows what they can achieve until they have to do it. You, your self respect and your happiness is worth the hardship. I have no doubt you will work through the difficulties of being without him if that is what you choose to do.

Your dd is 10 and you've been out of work for 3 years? Is that right? What was your line of work. I know you're pregnant but just wondering if there's a long term plan to get financially independent and to leave him.

Why does he say you're unsupportive?

Why do you wait for him in the mornings? I wouldn't. I'd drop dd off to school and come back. He will be ready and then he can get himself to work by taxi.

WA recognise all forms or domestic abuse and they are now a crime.
Whether it be physical, emotional, financial, verbal.
Doesn't matter.
Give them a call another time and see what someone else says.
They should be far more helpful than that!

Hi op, what did you say to women's aid?

I am very very surprised they recommended relate with an emotionally abusive man.

I only ask because when you are used to living with an arsehole you tend to downplay their abuse when you speak to someone. It's easier to be honest when you write it down. Call again and maybe ask if you can show them this thread?

You really shouldn't go to relate, he would find more ways to upset you.

He doesn't need to know that I go to Relate. I think she thought they could support me better. I did say that I knew emotional abuse is now classed alongside violent abuse but she gave the impression that they can only really help DV victims. She still did a referral and I will be going in to see them.

I did admin/reception but have had bad luck with jobs or just been crap. Probably because of him thinking about it.

Tell him tonight that morning routine will no longer involve you getting abuse for helping him to get up and get to work.

Say 'I'm leaving at X time in the morning to drop DC to school and if you want a lift you need to set your alarm and get up'

If he doesn't get up just leave without him.

He's home now and asking why I've done nothing. My mum has unexpectedly come round and started washing up That'll piss him off no end.

Before that he said "oh well if you're gonna do want you want I will too" to which I replied you always do. He also said something about what will happen if I carry on like this but couldn't actually say what that was. He never threatens break up! So I will do what I want.

Honestly? DH woke up every morning to make my breakfast and pack my lunch when I was pregnant. I think it was fair too. I used to make dinner. And I never had to wake him up since we are living together. It's his job. His alarm and his responsibility to wake himself up.

My mum hasn't even come in to speak to me. Instead she's chatting to him. Feeling even worse now. She knows I want to leave, I told her earlier today and what does she do? Brings me over some fucking petunias!

I think your Mum has come over to assess/see if she can glean anything for herself - the petunias was probably an excuse to come over without drawing suspicion from your DP.

She's had all day to come over. He's just put on his nice act so she's none
the wiser. I told her that I mentioned on the phone earlier that I was planning to leave and she doesn't remember that! I asked her why she hasn't spoken to me and she said cos she likes getting on with things and it's a nice view out of the kitchen window! She's basically come over for a change of scenery then! I said 'oh well, feel free to come over when I'm not here then as you're obviously not bothered about speaking to me'. She has made me so fucking angry.

Go out somewhere, anywhere, and leave them to it.