Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DHs on Holiday

199 replies

SennyP · 18/05/2016 16:40

My DH and his (male) friend used to go on "lads" holidays when they were younger. This year, they are discussing doing it again. I am absolutely fine with this .. me and DH will still have our holiday, we can afford it, and we have no kids that he would be leaving me with. I trust him and want him to be happy.

But the wife of DHs friend is absolutely against the idea. They also don't have kids, can afford it, and they are also going on their own holiday, but for some reason she is dead against the idea of him going on a holiday with anyone but her. She doesn't understand that two lads on a holiday will have different times/experiences than a couple.

Basically, now I am looking like the bad person, because of course DHs friend is telling his wife how reasonable I am, and how I don't mind, and she is starting to make remarks about how there is more to the story. There really isn't. To me it's just part of being in a relationship.

Can anyone give advice on how I should manage this, without ending up being the baddie when I'm trying to be the goody! Confused

OP posts:
TheGhostOfTroubledJoe · 19/05/2016 23:15

Mrshemsworth22 I agree that this thread is really grim but it's Mumsnet, not real life. I don't for a minute think that the views here are representative of the majority of people I come across in the 3D world.

Hope you stay and help balance things out.

Sass No , of course you can be cynical and be in a relationship. You're not following the logic because that idea isn't logical. I just wondered if you had given any consideration to the idea that being single might make you happier. Anyway good luck to you.

sassandfaff · 19/05/2016 23:16

Well I came on and challenged some opinions with my own opinion. I even said, it doesn't make mine right.

I didn't call anyone or demean anyone.

It seems to me that you are the only one that came on and were "fucking bitchy" with your, this is the reason I left comment.

What did you add to the conversation? What advice did you offer the op? What opinion did you offer, accept a "fucking bitchy" one? (You were the reason I left)

If you don't like people responding in kind, then I suggest you don't poke the fire.

Hth

Mrshemsworth22 · 19/05/2016 23:22

Thanks Pan but on reflection I'm out. I didn't waste time worrying about the "mean-girls" in school and I ain't going to do it here. On reflection it's the 3D life for me.

OP I wish you all the best. You seem to have your head screwed on. Don't beat yourself up about other people's relationships, your own seems to de doing just fine.

sassandfaff · 19/05/2016 23:25

You might be right Joe. I might be happier being single.

Then again, who knows.

'Not real life' ?

Do you think we all offer our opinions, and they differ from our real life ones?

I think the reason why the majority of views on here differ from real life, is because it's unbalanced with the types of women on here, to real life.

I read once that the majority were middle class, educated, and working. Perhaps it just attracts strong women, who don't want to, or think they would not put up with crap.

I think it's quite sad that so many women are talked into talking some more , working it out for the dcs, and the idea of just having boundaries that are non negotiable, is seen as 'not real life'

AnyFucker · 19/05/2016 23:32

It's my real life, I don't know about anyone else's

sassandfaff · 19/05/2016 23:34

mean girls.

What's someone called who hits someone with a stick and when they hit them back, cries indignantly that they're being bullied?

Good luck with your real life. Perhaps you don't go about 'innocently' offending people in that one.

AnyFucker · 19/05/2016 23:36

MrsHemsworth didn't like MN much last time she was here

One has to wonder why anyone sticks around a place they hate so much. It's inexplicable.

HelenaDove · 19/05/2016 23:36

sass Thanks ive had similar happen to me on another thread this week.

Ridiculous.

TheGhostOfTroubledJoe · 19/05/2016 23:42

No, you misunderstand. I get that they're real opinions but I don't believe that they're the opinions shared by a majority. It's a relationships board that because of its nature attracts a large number of posters who have had bad relationships with men and so you get a lot of sexist bullshit such as has been posted on this thread. So the opinions are skewed. Exactly the same as if you hang out on a board frequented by middle aged divorced men and shudder at some of the views towards women on those.

On here my relationship always seems kind of freakish and unusual but in my day to day life I'm surrounded by relationships much like mine to be honest. I don't know a single person male or female who wouldn't be allowed on a holiday by their partner.

sassandfaff · 19/05/2016 23:46

Thanks Helena. and AF

I've been here a long time. I've never known it to be quite so combative. Relationships, I mean. Aibu, has always been a bloody war zone.

Grin
sassandfaff · 19/05/2016 23:52

So why do you stay Joe ? Serious question.

Are you wanting to provide a balance?
Do you like the challenge/debate?

Just musing, as people usually like to hang around with like minded people.

not a trick question

In my RL, I have friends who don't mind and friends who do. I know men that lie, because it's easier, or tell the truth but only when it's booked.

Perhaps I'm unlucky in love and friends. Eh? Confused

WriteforFun1 · 19/05/2016 23:53

"Personally I think its a bit strange two men wanting to go on holiday together once they are past mid twenties ish."

One of the maddest things I've ever heard. I have female friends from 40 - 60 who go on holiday together, go to clubs, bars etc
They're married with kids btw though I'm not.

If the friend's wife has a problem, op, I'd stay out of it.

TheGhostOfTroubledJoe · 20/05/2016 00:08

So why do you stay Joe ? Serious question.

Because I hung around that forum with the bitter divorced men on it for too long and the misogyny really started to get me down. There was a lot of mumbling about Mumsnet so I came over to check it out and to be honest what I found was that in some ways they were mirror images of one another. Men and women aren't so different after all.

I prefer it here though even though I mostly lurk. There are good posters offering balanced advice and some genuine support for women in genuinely awful situations. There's also some double standards but you can usually have some kind of discussion about things without it degenerating into insults.

TheGhostOfTroubledJoe · 20/05/2016 00:09

And yes, like most people I usually hang out with like minded people but it's always interesting to listen to other viewpoints even if you don't agree with them.

sassandfaff · 20/05/2016 00:16

Fair enough.

It's probably because it wouldn't occur to me to go and join ask men or reddit (if that is where men generally are?) to challenge them on their opinions.

(I'm not sure my tin hat and ducking skills would keep my alive) Wink

TheGhostOfTroubledJoe · 20/05/2016 00:27

LOL you'd need a thick skin to be sure. It would be good for them to have more women over in those places though. Balance things out a bit. It's not healthy that these places get so insular.
Don't blame you for not volunteering though!

sassandfaff · 20/05/2016 01:20

I think it would be better to have more decent men challenging them first. That would be an excellent start.

Don't you think?

HelenaDove · 20/05/2016 01:36

Ghost there is a big difference actually. A few years back some of those men from those websites would join MN and start fake goady threads to take the piss for shit and giggles

To my knowledge no one from MN did the same so i dont buy the fact there are similarities. Thats crap

blindsider · 20/05/2016 06:11

That's my stapler

Personally I think its a bit strange two men wanting to go on holidaytogether once they are past mid twenties ish*

That's a pretty blinkered view , I go on golfing holidays with pals my wife has been perfectly OK to let me go on the Lions tours her view is why would you stop someone you love doing something that makes them happy...

blindsider · 20/05/2016 06:25

Ceeceeindubai

and it turns out, whilst he was in Thailand he apparently didn't do anything himself*

Please tell me you don't believe that utter bullshit. Your ExDH has got you believing that he went on holiday will his sex tourist friend just to negotiate with prostitutes on his behalf Shock

In fact I have a bridge I would like to sell you...

Perbsy · 20/05/2016 06:34

I think if you read the whole thread blindsider, you'll see that golf, rugby and skiing type holidays aren't really a problem.

Going with a mate for a "lad" type of holiday for a fortnight is a bit different. Would your wife be OK with that?

BabyGanoush · 20/05/2016 06:59

Perbsby, exactly

It is quite different

If my DH wanted to on a skiing or cycling holiday without me it would make sense (don't like skiing or cycling but he does).

If he wanted to go with a mate to Ibiza/Magaluf or somewhere for a piss-up and clubbing (and pulling) weekend, with the mate being known for going to prostitutes, I'd be a bit more Hmm

TheGhostOfTroubledJoe · 20/05/2016 08:00

*I think it would be better to have more decent men challenging them first. That would be an excellent start.

Don't you think?*

Well, that already happens of course. What do you think I was doing there? Agreeing with them? There are men on these boards pointing out to these people that they're idiots.

sassandfaff · 20/05/2016 08:16

I meant perhaps the decent men should challenge the bitter misogynist men you mentioned Joe instead of leaving to come somewhere less combative women

I said I've vetoed plans. I didn't say I've vetoed everything. I'm fine with my dp going on a weekend away, I'm just not down with a week in benidorm, or down with him going with his sex industry friends.

Whataboutwhathuh · 20/05/2016 08:23

I think my issue would be the two weeks, that's a lot of their annual leave to use and if she doesn't want to go on holiday alone she's going to spend hers at home or at least differently. Long weekend is fine, but I wouldn't want my dh to use so much of his time not with me.

Swipe left for the next trending thread