DHs on Holiday

[SennyP]

My DH and his (male) friend used to go on "lads" holidays when they were younger. This year, they are discussing doing it again. I am absolutely fine with this .. me and DH will still have our holiday, we can afford it, and we have no kids that he would be leaving me with. I trust him and want him to be happy.

But the wife of DHs friend is absolutely against the idea. They also don't have kids, can afford it, and they are also going on their own holiday, but for some reason she is dead against the idea of him going on a holiday with anyone but her. She doesn't understand that two lads on a holiday will have different times/experiences than a couple.

Basically, now I am looking like the bad person, because of course DHs friend is telling his wife how reasonable I am, and how I don't mind, and she is starting to make remarks about how there is more to the story. There really isn't. To me it's just part of being in a relationship.

Can anyone give advice on how I should manage this, without ending up being the baddie when I'm trying to be the goody!

Why else would a man of that age want to go away with his mate?

Why else would a woman of that age want to go away with her friend?

Come on. I'm the first one on here to say most people cheat on their partners but that is ridiculous.

I had the same opinion, my DH went to Thailand every year for a "golfing holiday"..... with his best friend. I had no problem, my friends thought I was crazy... we got divorced two weeks ago. Don't let temptation into your marriage. Men are, imho, weak and women can be predators and two men on their own in a bar, drinking, not playing golf (!) can lead to real problems. I NEVER thought my ex dh would cheat, but he had a two year affair and it turns out, whilst he was in Thailand he apparently didn't do anything himself, he helped negotiate with prozzies for his friend and that is bad enough..... just don't go there, I am afraid I am older and wiser now!

Yes. There's such a thing as being too trusting.

OP

How long have the other couple been married for?

I must say the breaks my H did were skiing or snowboarding and I would go on spa weekend. Nothing else.

Is this just a holiday in the sun?

The cheating that happens with boys holidays also happens with girls holidays. You'd be suprised how some women actually target married men away from home.

The point is that your friends wife is unhappy about her DH going away without her. By comparing his wife to you, your DH's friend is being disrespectful towards her. He sounds too immature to be married if he can't accept that his wife doesn't want separate holidays.

Do they do alot of golfing in Thailand?

where is he going?

I may well be terribly judgy but any male who tells me they go to Thailand on holiday with other men gets an instant red flag from me.

Reading these threads always makes me thankful that DP and his best friend, left to their own devices, would go to the pub to talk about trains and the navy then home to put the world to rights and watch a documentary on the flying Scotsman or the monarchy. Or go shooting for a weekend, but neither would have any interest at all in more than say 2 nights in the uk. I can afford to be "cool" because DP is so wonderfully "uncool".

If my DH was comparing me infavourably to his mate's wife, I'd probably end up feeling pretty insecure too.

My ex father (aged 70 odd!), brothers and their male friends go away abroad every year. Their wives have no idea what goes on whilst they're away, strip clubs, chasing after women etc etc....

I think it's very different for women to go on holiday together, on the whole (obviously not everyone is the same caveat etc)

Women would sight-see, shop, have a spa day, lie on the beach and read books and talk a lot.

What would men do, really? Yes to golfing or surfing or something else but just a normal holiday?

Men and women are different in a lot of ways.

I would agree it's none of your business. You have your opinion and she has hers, for whatever her reasons are.

By the by, I also wouldn't have a problem. I really dislike this "cool wife" tag Ditto the insinuation that men will have ulterior motives whilst women would sit/chat/spa.

Roar

Once- that is not the case at all. I go away with a group of married women every year and believe me they are just as bad!

I am a believer that if someone is going to cheat they will do it regardless of the setting.

I'm another who would be horrified if my husband went to Thailand with another guy.

Otherwise, so much depends on what they're going to do and what they're like. My ex would've chatted up someone at the airport on the way over but other men I know wouldn't even think of that.

Easy I did say I wasn't talking about everyone

My point is really to those saying that the reason why people shouldn't question a men only holiday is because they wouldn't question a women only holiday. I think there are good reasons why the assumptions about each are different. But of course, not all are the same.

I would manage it by ignoring it. It's up to him if he goes or not but I agree with others that the 'But SennyP is fine with it' angle he is going for is bellendery of the highest order.

My OH and I have talked about this a few times and have the same opinion on 'lads holidays'...
... My OHs friend is having his stag do in Prague soon but my OH isn't going. His words: 'there's only one reason why he's going for a lads holiday.. It would be boring for me'...

Here we go with the 'cool girl' shit again. It never ceases to amaze me how bitchy women will be towards each other. Maybe the fact is that she just trusts her DP.

OP seems to have gone AWOL

My DH and a couple of his mates go camping 3-4 times a year, sans spouses. We'd rather chew glass than sleep on the ground! My BFF and I go to Disney at least once a year as our DH's would rather chew glass that go there. Each of us gets to do what they want with congenial companionship whilst sparing their spouse an 'experience' they'd rather forego. What's the problem with that?

As far as the OP, stay out of it and tell DH's mate that you'll thank him to keep you out of their discussion.

Thailand + lad's holiday = sex tourism with optional golf.

I'm 35 and go away with my friends at least once a year.

What's okay in your relationship isn't okay in everyone else's. There's no right or wrong, just what people are comfortable with.

I think your friends DH is being pretty horrible by essentially telling his wife that she's unreasonable just because you don't mind your DH going. It's emotionally blackmailing her into letting him go!

Maybe she doesn't want her OH to use a huge chunk of his annual leave going away with a friend. That's reasonable. They might be able to afford it but it will mean they lose 1/2 weeks of holiday time as a couple - maybe she would rather he went somewhere that required less holiday time?

Regardless, it's not your business. You're happy for your DH to bugger off for a week or two, she isn't. That doesn't mean she's wrong or unreasonable. It's just a difference of opinion.

Why doesn't your DH's friend just ditch the controlling wife? He could then go on whatever holidays he wanted.

I agree with all those saying to keep out of it. Nothing to do with you, thankfully. Also ignore all the 'cool wife' jibes. You're not 'cool' because you're comfortable with your husband having a few days away, you're simple a well adjusted person in a healthy relationship.