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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DHs on Holiday

199 replies

SennyP · 18/05/2016 16:40

My DH and his (male) friend used to go on "lads" holidays when they were younger. This year, they are discussing doing it again. I am absolutely fine with this .. me and DH will still have our holiday, we can afford it, and we have no kids that he would be leaving me with. I trust him and want him to be happy.

But the wife of DHs friend is absolutely against the idea. They also don't have kids, can afford it, and they are also going on their own holiday, but for some reason she is dead against the idea of him going on a holiday with anyone but her. She doesn't understand that two lads on a holiday will have different times/experiences than a couple.

Basically, now I am looking like the bad person, because of course DHs friend is telling his wife how reasonable I am, and how I don't mind, and she is starting to make remarks about how there is more to the story. There really isn't. To me it's just part of being in a relationship.

Can anyone give advice on how I should manage this, without ending up being the baddie when I'm trying to be the goody! Confused

OP posts:
Mrshemsworth22 · 19/05/2016 09:26

TheGhostofTroubledJoe I could not agree more!

Whathaveilost · 19/05/2016 09:31

Personally I think its a bit strange two men wanting to go on holiday together once they are past mid twenties ish.
What about two women? I go away regularly go away with a female friend or friends.
What about single blokes in their 30s? Is that strange as well.

Bloody ridiculous statement.

hellsbellsmelons · 19/05/2016 09:37

Personally I think its a bit strange two men wanting to go on holiday together once they are past mid twenties ish
Just like Whatthe I also go away with my girlfriend.
She is 40 and I am past mid 40's!
We have a lovely time.
Why wouldn't I go?
Strange statement that.

Perbsy · 19/05/2016 09:37

Most men go on holiday with friends because they have a shared hobby or for a stag do.

Once they have a partner they aren't usually in the market for male bonding on holiday with no specific purpose, that's been my experience anyway.

I do know a man who used to go on holiday to Thailand with his mate, he lives there permanently now. His wife waved him off.

PatriciaHolm · 19/05/2016 09:38

Where did people get Thailand from? OP didn't mention a place or type of holiday.

Maybe the other husband does have form for not behaving on such holidays. OP can't possibly know. Maybe they can't really afford it but don't want to publicise any financial problems. It's entirely their issue.

In our case, DH goes off skiing a couple of weekends a year with friends and has done for ever; and also has a driving weekend most years. No problem. I think I would raise my eyebrows more if he wanted to go to Magaluf and spend the week drinking himself silly, but he's only ever done that once in his life 20 years ago and hated it!

timelytess · 19/05/2016 09:42

Either he wants to be alone with his friend, or they want to pull women. They might share a hobby. Golf, for instance. And one of the big draws of golfing holidays with your mates is that you can pull women and news of that does not reach home. I know a man who will book a golfing weekend or holiday, and whatever mistress he has at the time will book into the same hotel... he gets his shag and even the golfing companions never know. You might like that, OP, but if I were I wife, I wouldn't be facilitating it.

heron98 · 19/05/2016 09:44

Bit weird.

Me and DP have no kids and go on separately holidays with our mates every year. I'm going away cycling in France with the girls and this year's he's going to Barcelona with this male friends.

We often have weekends away together in the year, I would rather do that and have lots of quality time in new places with him than one single big trip just the two of us.

Original poster
SennyP · 19/05/2016 11:03

Thanks for all the messages. Actually, I am a cool wife. I love and trust DH and that means that I don't put suspicion first in our relationship.

I didn't mention Thailand, and they're not talking about going to Thailand. TBH until this thread, I wouldn't have had a problem if they did say they wanted to go to Thailand.

I get the message, though. Should not judge others relationships on the strength of ours, and should not interfere/care what others are saying about me.

Shame DH and his mate probably won't get their holiday. I was quite looking forward to a couple of weeks peace and quiet! Wink

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/05/2016 13:56

I don't think you really understand the meaning of "cool wife" in this context, Senny.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/05/2016 13:57

Shame DH and his mate probably won't get their holiday. I was quite looking forward to a couple of weeks peace and quiet!

Amen, sister! And that would be the only possible thing that I'd say to mate's wife (if I was inclined to say anything at all). I wonder if she's thought of that herself?

Mrshemsworth22 · 19/05/2016 14:09

I think that's because the only place it has a bad meaning is on here AnyFucker

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 19/05/2016 14:12

Personally I think its a bit strange two men wanting to go on holiday together once they are past mid twenties ish.

It's great to be 'cool girl' as long as you are aware that they will be drinking and women will chat them up and vice versa

Men are, imho, weak and women can be predators

Mumsnet Bingo………

Mrshemsworth22 · 19/05/2016 14:14

HOUSE!!!!!

molyholy · 19/05/2016 14:17

Actually, I am a cool wife

You know you're not cool if you call yourself cool, right? Grin

You made yourself sound like a bit of a smug arsehole saying that. Like you, I would and have been happy for my husband to go on golf hol/stag weekends, etc., with his friends, but I would never judge other women for not wanting their husbands to go away.

HolditFinger · 19/05/2016 14:21

Maybe this woman has reasons not to trust him that you don't know about. Not everything is always as it seems.

Mrshemsworth22 · 19/05/2016 14:23

Now the OP is a 'smug arsehole' for loving and trusting her husband. Unbelievable!

Pisssssedofff · 19/05/2016 14:28

I know got an absolute fact at least two married couples who would not be married if they knew what their husbands did on holiday. One of them got into bed with me and basically assaulted me when we were all drunk. The other my boyfriend confessed, we split hers didn't I kept my mouth shut but I can't even look at him.

ManonLescaut · 19/05/2016 14:28

See no evil, hear no evil eh?

What does she know that you don't?

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 19/05/2016 14:44

I know got an absolute fact at least two married couples who would not be married if they knew what their husbands did on holiday.

Well thats settled then, never trust men who holiday without their partners.

If we are trading ancedotes, a women I used to work with shagged some random bloke she met on her hen do, she still went through with the marraige though and had the good grace to stay in touch with her hen do shag by text during her honeymoon and then started a full on affair upon her return before leaving her new husband a few months later.

Good job I dont tar all women with the same morally bankrupt tarbrush eh?

No gender has a monopoly on infidelity

ManonLescaut · 19/05/2016 14:48

We're not trading anecdotes, we're advising a woman in a quandary.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 19/05/2016 15:05

We're not trading anecdotes, we're advising a woman in a quandary.

Some people are offering helpful advice, others are just heavily implying that it is a dear cert that a man who for whatever reason spends time away from his partner will cheat/look to cheat and any wife who trusts their husband while away is at best naive or at worst, that classic mumsnet insult, a 'cool wife'.

igglepiggleisanarsehole · 19/05/2016 15:20

You've no idea what's gone on behind closed doors - he could have cheated on her or anything, could be a plethora of reasons she's insecure. It's certainly not your business

Pisssssedofff · 19/05/2016 15:32

I didn't say adultery was exclusively a man's pursuit, if there were no women to do it with men couldn't cheat and vice versa.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 19/05/2016 15:55

Nope, you using your ancedote to project that married men can't be trusted to spend time away form their wives, which is in keeping with the tone from some on this thread.

Pisssssedofff · 19/05/2016 16:20

If you say so.