He picks my clothes . .

[Eyelashinmyeye]

. .or at least tries to. Would you find this controlling? I quite liked it at first, as it felt like he was really paying attention to what suits me etc, but it has started to annoy me, and has almost caused arguments.

I told him I was looking online for new clothes and he made sure he saw them before I ordered. When I said that I was sending something back because I had seen a nicer one in the shops, he said 'can I see it first'?

Just trying to get an idea if this is controlling, or if you would find it a bit annoying/odd?

Haven't rtft, but absolutely, yes. It is highly controlling behaviour.

I have quite an arrogant ex - and while he didn't go as far as actually picking my clothes, he did scoff and put down the ones that I liked, and suggest I change what I had chosen to wear quite often. Thinking back on it, this was part of a general dismantling of my confidence and individuality. He saw me only as an extension of himself, and became quite a bully.

It was also his way of placing himself in a position of superiority I think. He had lots of problems, and making other people confused or uncertain was a technique he used to gain the upper hand.

I have a radar for guys like him these days, and I'm afraid there's no way on earth I would be sticking with the man you've described OP.

Do yourself a favour and run!
There are Experianced posters telling you this,you wont see the danger yet because you are not trapped enough.

is this a reverse?

If you don't like it, don't go along with it.
Of course it is controlling.
When I want to, I pick what my DP wears, but that is our dynamic and my DP is fully on board.

In domination/submission relationships, I have done this (had my clothes chosen for me). But it was consensual and there would have been no issue had I withdrawn my consent. It was to our mutual fulfilment. In your case, you do not like it and it is not being done with your pleasure in mind. So it's controlling in a bad way and I would advise you to run.

Very controlling but I think you already know that

OP you cannot fix him or change him. He is deeply flawed, get out now before you can't so easily. In 6 months time this will be worse but you will have lost yourself a bit so will find him so much harder to leave. Please OP.

How did the shopping go? Did turn round your objections so you felt like you were the unreasonable one? Was there a big row?

is this a reverse

As in this is the bloke writing? Nice username, branleuse! :D

I bottled it. Ive got some thinking to do. This thread has really made me re evaluate my relationship, & I think there are actually lots of red flags. Sorry I cant respond to all your questions. I will have another read at work tomorrow. Thanks everyone x

You should never ignore your inner voice.

If you are seeing more, don't confront him just start planning to get out.

Once you moved in, did he also get an opinion on your finances? Or want to "combine" them or save your wages as "rent"?

OP
I had a feeling there'd be loads of red flags
If you're planning to finish it, find somewhere to live and go, tell him then. Unless you've somewhere to stay in the mean time.
Do not attempt discussion with a controlling arse.

The things I excuse as him being 'set in his ways' are now whiring around my head. & I feel like i've also changed my behaviour & the way I act so that there isnt a fall out.

OP
Set in his ways meaning it has to be done his way? Or he gets upset and sulks for a long time.
One reason I'm single is I hate compromise, but some people just look for someone who will toe the line
I'm really glad this thread is making you think.

I do compromise for my loved ones btw. It's part of any relationship.

Just really picky about everything I do. Too much conditioner in the washing machine, the cloth in the kitchen not folded right. Stupid things, but its all the time. Maybe im over reacting, but im just exhausted with getting picked at

I think you're under reacting if anything

You don't need to live like this

OP those are very bad things indeed, he is ordering you about to get you programmed like a robot. Does he do equal housekeeping?

Keep posting here, we will support you

Mumsnet saved my life when I was with my ex.

I used to think that he might change, or calm, or grow up.
I used to think that if I could just manage the situation better, just control the external factors that made him so upset, that things would be fine.
He is choosing to pick pick pick at you.
It makes you exhausted, run down.

When I was so in the thick of it, I read this:
'What you accept is what will continue'.

You are strong, you can leave, you are not responsible.

I will say it until I am blue in the face because these posters saved me, I was so miserable and they saved me, and you can do it too.

Coasta is right, you are massively under reacting
Some people call it boiling frog when the heat is turned up very slowly
I'm lucky, I'm over sensitive to the tiniest increase in temperature...now you've seen you're in hot water you must get out.

You've heard that phrase "boiling a frog", right? Taken in isolation they are all little things, but cumulatively you are in danger of being cooked alive without even realising the water was getting hotter. Thank your lucky stars for your sudden burst of insight, the one that led to you posting, and trust your instincts.

Ha! Xposted with Write

You are under reacting. Hugely.

You bottled buying yourself some clothes online because you were afraid of what would happen if you didn't let him have a say in what you bought.

You didn't buy clothes for yourself today because you were scared of your boyfriend.

Take a moment and imagine yourself a year ago seeing yourself tonight making that decision. What would a year younger you have thought?

I feel a bit numb tonight. He has been really clingy. He litterally hasn't left me alone. I was pleased when he fell asleep on the sofa so I could sneak to bed

I would have been mortified rabbit x