He picks my clothes . .

[Eyelashinmyeye]

. .or at least tries to. Would you find this controlling? I quite liked it at first, as it felt like he was really paying attention to what suits me etc, but it has started to annoy me, and has almost caused arguments.

I told him I was looking online for new clothes and he made sure he saw them before I ordered. When I said that I was sending something back because I had seen a nicer one in the shops, he said 'can I see it first'?

Just trying to get an idea if this is controlling, or if you would find it a bit annoying/odd?

Discuss this with him and see his reaction first. If he's reasonable and takes your feelings on board then it maybe that he's just a man that wishes he was a personal stylist and thinks he has an amazing fashion sense?

You need to assert some control though and remember that your own opinions and feelings are valid. Tell him how you feel. If he is a decent person he will back off with the fashion advice.

it was his idea for me to move into his flat after 6 months.

I don't wear anything revealing, but I tend to stick to the same colours, and I don't have much style (I like jeans and dark colours on top). he gets frustrated with this.

I'm going to approach this tonight. I'm gong to say that im looking at clothes online and take it from there.

OP, listen to Attila.

I always find her posts to be spot on.

It is utter madness that he gets frustrated at what you wear.

Why does he even care?

It's very telling.

Absolutely.

My rule of thumb? If you have to ask if it's controlling, it probably is.

Do you have an escape route? A bag packed? Someone who would put you up temporarily?

Because I can only see a confrontation going two ways:
a) he become worse, argumentative or even violent
b) he turns on the charm, and is apologetic and over the top nice - but this may not last long.

it was his idea for me to move into his flat after 6 months.

Also controlling. See a pattern here OP?

I always give people or rather partners the if they dare comment on what I should wear and short telling that il wear what "I" like.
They quickly get the message.

It is controlling and it won't stop there..
6 months in is a bit of a red flag imo considering the clothes issue.

OP.

This is how it starts. The fact that you can't have 5 mins to yourself really resonated with me.

My ex wouldn't let me have 5 mins quiet time, even if we were sat in the same room, I wasn't allowed to read my book or whatever, because I was being 'distant'.
I couldn't go to bed early when I was tired, because that was me not caring about the fact that he would be alone downstairs.

All of these things seem so reasonable at the time. They escalate.

Just leave him.
You aren't invested in this. You aren't tied in.

He asked you to move into his flat for a reason, by the way.

Go with your gut.

Op be careful.
He could have a lightbulb moment and think oh fuck.
However, as this isn't just about clothes, don't bank on that epiphany.
He could ignore it and try and sweep it all under the carpet.
He could gaslight you.
It could turn very dark and nasty.

I am not saying don't confront the situation, before my post is interpreted as that.
Just look after yourself and be prepared for anything.

Go clothes shopping with friends not him and order online - you don't need to show him what you order or buy. Does he comment on other aspects of your life ie where you go to, who with etc

My DH and I go shopping together. He give opinions on my clothes and I give opinions on his, however we both happily own clothes the other person doesn't like.

My friend had beautiful waist length blonde curls. Her partner said "if you ever cut your hair I'll leave you"

She cut her hair very, very short.

He left.

She was fairly happy with the result.

The clothes wouldn't bother me. I have no eye and can look incredibly frumpy and really quite good depending on what I wear.
However the 5 minutes peace is really worrying.
But the real clincher is this,the thought of not being with him doesn't worry me or make me sad.
So get out. It's not fair on either of you.

I'm thinking that if I use the word 'controlling' then he might get a shock and it might nip it in the bud.

Far more likely that he will scale his behaviour back until you are more dependent on him and therefore less able to leave. Even if he does admit that you're right and agree to change his behaviour it doesn't actually prove anything, certainly not that he will change his behaviour long term.

Controlling
But you moved in because you wanted to surely?

I agree that if you mention it seeming controlling his most likely reaction will be really "hurt". You asked for his opinion, he's giving it to you because he "wants you to look your best/make the most of yourself" because he "cares about you". It will all seem very, very reasonable and it will end that you both feel that YOU are the unreasonable/ungrateful one here, calling him controlling just because he cares about you. You will likely end up feeling confused and a bit mean.

My ex used to pick (hideous) clothes for me. Eg men's jumpers that would keep me warm in winter because he cared about me! I had the "we must always go to bed at the same time" thing and he hit the roof once when I suggested I sleep in the spare room because his snoring was keeping me awake. (Apparently I was saying I didn't want to be close to him and was putting our marriage at risk).

My advice is like most others on your thread. Run for the hills and fast.

Sounds controlling to me.
If you think it might be a bit weird it probably is.

My H has always tried to stop me cutting/dyeing my hair and getting any piercings including ears! And occasionally I go in and out of thinking about getting a tattoo. He always said, oh your so beautiful natural (I'm not!) why would you want to do that?. From the man with piercings and tattoos .

Controlling people don't get less controlling because you tell them they are controlling
You're kidding yourself and sleepwalking into an abusive relationship.

I've just ended a relationship for something similar OP. Not clothes but he kept saying he preferred my hair a certain length and style which I hated.

He'd also text me constantly in the evening when he knew I was at the gym. Asking where I was, was I ok and that he was worried because I wasn't answering When I pulled him up he'd bleat 'But I thought something had happened to you'. Fuck that.

Years ago I would've thought it was endearing and sweet, not any more.

Big, what, he thought you'd been eaten by a treadmill?

Op I think these comments are gigantic red flags. I wonder what else is going on that's controlling but perhaps you don't perceive it that way. Please don't be yet another one walking into a horrible situation. How you dress is none of his damn business.

I was in M &S today. Saw 2 separate couples, in their 60s. Both of the women were asking their dh's for their opinions. Both dh's were trying quite hard to look interested and find something nice to say. I chuckled to myself as I thought "Thank goodness I don't take dh shopping with me. He'd drive me crackers".

The reason I'm telling you this story is that what I saw today was perfectly ordinary behaviour. What you are experiencing is not.

Run.

Speaking from experience yes controlling, this will escalate to him laying your clothes out for you but of course it's 'only because he loves you so much and wants to show you off' blah, blah blah. Anxiety rising just remembering that.

Goodness I think it sounds very controlling. I'm slightly scared for you.