He picks my clothes . .

[Eyelashinmyeye]

. .or at least tries to. Would you find this controlling? I quite liked it at first, as it felt like he was really paying attention to what suits me etc, but it has started to annoy me, and has almost caused arguments.

I told him I was looking online for new clothes and he made sure he saw them before I ordered. When I said that I was sending something back because I had seen a nicer one in the shops, he said 'can I see it first'?

Just trying to get an idea if this is controlling, or if you would find it a bit annoying/odd?

Very controlling. It's the sort of thing that DM thought was affection at the start of what turned into a truly awful relationship.

It's fine to offer an opinion, but not allowing you to buy anything he hasn't passed as fit is extremely controlling.

Wear something he hates and run. Far.

It's odd and controlling. Opinions are fine, but having to check purchases first? No, just no.

It has been a bit like that stick . . I feel like he needs to see anything before I buy it, or before I take it back etc. he can be a little bit shallow, so my appearance is important to him,

I think the 5 minutes thing is bloody worrying.

OH and I can ruck for England over politics, religion and family (!), but when one of us needs a quiet 5 then they get it, with a nice cup of tea added in and a kiss on the forehead.

Bloody hell.

This is how it starts. He's gone from offering an opinion to having the controlling say on what you buy/wear. You can't even return clothes without him agreeing to the replacement. He's undermining your opinion every step of the way, so you'll lose confidence in your ability to make decisions.

He's started the next step, too - making sure that you know that your purpose is to make him happy and having five minutes to yourself is too much because you shouldn't be thinking about you, you should be thinking about him. He doesn't care that you need five minutes. His needs are more important.

Run away, before the third stage starts. Then go shopping for things that you love and use the lovely new clothes as a visual reminder of why you shouldn't ever let him near you again.

Op this has all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship in the making, we maybe jumping to their guns in your eyes right now, but this sort of behaviour is how it all starts.

It's boundary pushing seeing what they can get away with, it can start slow and small but over time you realise you have let a lot go because he does it out of concern or love. By the time you notice all these subtle changes. You've got a child and trapped.

You've moved too fast with this one, who's idea was it to move in togetherness aft 6 months ?

Think about a life without him around, op. Do you feel happy or sad when you consider it?

Along with the 5 minutes of peace and quiet thing, very controlling - would you want to have kids with him so he could tell them what to do and when and what to wear?

What if I say to him something like 'I feel like its quite controlling when you always pick my clothes' . .and see what his reaction is?

Contessa . . .I'm not sure, the thought of not being with him doesn't worry me or make me sad.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Gosh if dh said that to me I'd be like "why do you care are you planning on borrowing it? "

It's not a good trait, OP. I think you could merge the two and take yourself off for a bit of retail therapy after work one evening with a nice couple of hours peace to yourself.

In the long run though I'd not want to remain in a relationship like this.

Next it'll be vetting the friends you choose to spend time with.

Eyelash That seems like a reasonable thing to say. You can then judge how he reacts

I'd say that's a bit of an indicator that you're not very happy with him, op.

You need to be asking yourself why you accept another person telling you what to wear - then, LTB.

He's not going to say of course I'm controlling you. He'll do fake outrage that you would think that about him when he just wants you to look and feel nice and show an interest....

What if I say to him something like 'I feel like its quite controlling when you always pick my clothes' . .and see what his reaction is?

How about go out and buy something that you actually like, without taking his opinions into consideration. Change into it when you get back from work. Say nothing. And see what happens.

He will say you for asked his opinion. Is he not allowed an opinion anymore and you will end up feeling more obligated to listen to it

When I left my husband, I found I had accumulated a couple of bin bags full of clothes and shoes I had bought in the full knowledge that I didn't like and wouldn't wear, and had bought purely to appease him. It seemed perfectly reasonable at the time. This is how it starts, OP! Good luck.

I'm thinking that if I use the word 'controlling' then he might get a shock and it might nip it in the bud.

Eyelash

I guess you met this man when you were at a low point in your life, correct?. This person actively targeted you, he has seen a vulnerability in you that he can and will exploit.

Whose idea was it to be living together after six months?.

His behaviours are steeped in power and control; he wants absolute over you. Choosing your clothes is one of many tactics such abusive men use over the victims; he is using many more on you as well.

Get shot of this man OP before you are further emotionally overinvested in him. He will destroy you otherwise from the inside out and I am not being facetious here in writing that.

I would suggest you read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft, this man is in those pages. He needs to be gone from your life as of now.

"I'm thinking that if I use the word 'controlling' then he might get a shock and it might nip it in the bud"

No. Talking to him about it won't shock him nor will nip it in the bud. Such controlling behaviours are deeply ingrained within his own psyche; this sort of stuff has happened over many years and certainly before he entered your life.

He is like this because he can do this, you need to get rid of him now and certainly before you are further sucked into his mad universe. He will put you in a cage of his own paranoid making.

Is there a particular type of clothing he objects to, a bit revealing or what he considers to be chavvy? Do you look at clothes and know instantly what he would approve of?

Personally I'd start by shutting him down by saying you're happy with your choices and don't need a second opinion.

Only if he continues would I wade in and point out it's controlling.