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Original poster

Am I right to text this woman?

362 replies

deutschland83 · 05/05/2016 15:19

Work colleague of DHs, unsolicited messages on his phone. Late night texts when's she's out. Latest is a picture of underwear laid out.

I want to tell her to fuck off.

Should I?

He doesn't know I have seen them.

OP posts:
Original poster
deutschland83 · 05/05/2016 19:34

Yes the bills come to me - it's in my name, but it's been like that forever.

What reasonable explanation is there for texting a work colleague 15 times between 1.30am and 1.50am whilst away?

OP posts:
AmserGwin · 05/05/2016 19:35

You need to talk to him and get to the bottom of it, but yes I would also text her and tell her to 'piss off', it should hopefully shame her to know that you have found out about it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/05/2016 19:38

Definitely don't contact this woman, Deutsch and absolutely don't send any sort of message as suggested upthread like "We had a good laugh at your expense..". It's really dreadful advice because you DON'T know the full extent and you may well find that you would feel worse if and when it become apparent that it's a two-way thing. It quite possibly is.

The thing is, as already said here, a woman would NOT send messages/pictures like this without the mutual involvement and consent of another party. I'm sorry.

The best thing you can do is save what you've already uncovered and confront your husband. Don't tell him what you know - just tell him that you DO know and ask him to tell you the truth.

Then you'll know what you're dealing with and can look at the steps you might want to take.

Daenerys2 · 05/05/2016 19:40

I think he's probably requested photos. She is texting him when out and pissed. There is more to this for sure.

Original poster
deutschland83 · 05/05/2016 19:41

So if he denies it, or tells me it's innocent.

What next?

I am in total shock.

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 05/05/2016 19:41

Both my idiot ex husbands were communicating with their mistresses and other random affairs on phones and emails and paying with credit cards that they knew I not only had access to, but monitored on a regular basis. Yet were surprised and even attempted to deny it, when confronted with the evidence. Your h is having an affair. Are you ok with that? If not, the person to be mad at is him. The OW may be a dishonest person, but she has no legal or ethical obligation to you.

PhoenixReisling · 05/05/2016 19:43

If it looks like a rat, smells like a rat then it is a rat. Sorry OP.

There is absolulty no reasonable explanation as to why he has messaged her at all hours of the night. None, whatsoever.

RedToothBrush · 05/05/2016 19:43

If my husband was getting unsolicited messages like this, do you know what the first thing he'd do would be?

Tell me!

And he's been in this situation, and asked me for help on how to handle it

wonkylampshade · 05/05/2016 19:44

What a hideous shock for you. It does sound like he's in it up to his neck Sad.

When is he due back?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 05/05/2016 19:45

If he lies or tells you it's innocent, laugh at him. Then tell him to find somewhere else to sleep until he can be honest, at the very least.

Unfortunately, the best case here is that he's flirting with danger and they are just exchanging dirty images and sexts. The worst is that it's a full blown affair.

Where is he tonight?

PhoenixReisling · 05/05/2016 19:45

If this has been happening over a long period...then he probably getting cocky thinking that you won't find out.

croon979 · 05/05/2016 19:45

Flowers for you OP, I'm afraid if is not looking good. I would seek advice here before confronting him and as others have said, copy the phone bills and any other important documents you need.

Original poster
deutschland83 · 05/05/2016 19:46

He's sitting right next to me.

The kids are still up. I need to go out to vote.

OP posts:
ChipperCharlie · 05/05/2016 19:47

Be prepared to ask him to go tonight. I'm sorry you're going through this, love.

achillesratty · 05/05/2016 19:48

They are not unsolicited. WhatsApp has an easy to use "block" function, if he wanted to, he could have blocked her after her first message, he hasn't, that tells you everything you need to know.

Daenerys2 · 05/05/2016 19:48

Don't do anything. Don't give anything away. Monitor his phone. I'm saying this as someone who is an OW. There will be plenty of evidence. He's is deleting and will deny it.

cozietoesie · 05/05/2016 19:48

I was going to ask if you had DC?

Are they young enough to go to bed now-ish?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 05/05/2016 19:49

Oh I'm so sorry.

Can you use your vote to go out and collect your head?

Offred · 05/05/2016 19:53

Yes use your vote to get out and clear your head and then I think you should rip the plaster off and confront him. I doubt this is unsolicited from what you'd already discovered.

FanjoBean · 05/05/2016 19:54

Don't text her, especially not saying that you and your husband are laughing at her, you'll look a proper fool if it turns out they have been at it for ages.

I'm sorry Brew it doesn't look good.

shoeaddict83 · 05/05/2016 19:55

I'm so sorry op, I've been there too it's an awful situation. At least you have some proof to confront him with. Just tell him u know what's going on, no details, and let him hang himself.
He's in the wrong here so don't let him turn this on you Flowers

wonkylampshade · 05/05/2016 19:56

You need to be prepared for him to deny this OP, and steel yourself for a convincing act. If he's been doing this for a year and you haven't suspected a thing, it's obviously second nature for him to behave completely normally around you, despite it all. Flowers

MerdeAlor · 05/05/2016 19:59

Yes use the vote to have some time out and collect your thoughts.

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 05/05/2016 20:03

Your DH is archiving the messages not deleting them. He is saving them SadAngry

I've deleted loads of whatsap messages and they don't show in archive. Because I haven't archived them.

cozietoesie · 05/05/2016 20:04

Go vote, come back and get the DC off and then speak to him. (Unless he'll expect to go and vote at the same time?)

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