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Original poster

Am I right to text this woman?

362 replies

deutschland83 · 05/05/2016 15:19

Work colleague of DHs, unsolicited messages on his phone. Late night texts when's she's out. Latest is a picture of underwear laid out.

I want to tell her to fuck off.

Should I?

He doesn't know I have seen them.

OP posts:
katsopolis · 05/05/2016 16:07

Forget texting her- it gives her a chance to think of her response. Call her.

Itisbetternow · 05/05/2016 16:11

When you pull down the screen on an iPhone in what app they are not archived but rather the history. You do know OP that it is possible to just delete each Text box so for example your H has probably gone through and deleted each text box where he is replying. Therefore it looks like it is unsolicited. I really doubt it is. You don't have to know anything about IT to use an iPhone. Good luck. I would confront him first. Seems to me he is having an emotional affair at the minimum.

SnoozeButtonAbuser · 05/05/2016 16:21

Talk to him. Tell him if he wants you to stay he needs to treat you like it, no more deleting messages, and he needs to tell her to stop messaging him, about anything. Tell her to fuck off as well if you want, but it will send more of a message if it comes from him (and your relationship is pointless if he won't respect you enough to do that - it's bad enough you have to ask him tbh).

Sgoinneal · 05/05/2016 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 05/05/2016 16:29

He has to be encouraging her.

Think about it. Who sends pics of their underwear to a married man completely out of the blue?

Has he ever been unfaithful in the past?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 05/05/2016 16:32

"unsolicited"? tread carefully here dear OP

motheroftwoboys · 05/05/2016 16:47

If your DH is leaving his phone around I really don't think he is having a relationship with this woman. Otherwise it would be with him at all times. Just ask him about it - but you will have to admit to reading his texts which he may not be happy about. I would hate it if my DH read my (perfectly innocent) texts or FB (or mumsnet) messages.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/05/2016 16:49

You know you can delete individual messages on WhatsApp don't you? ie your DH could have just deleted all of his incriminating messages and left hers to look at again later

Becky546 · 05/05/2016 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Summerlovinf · 05/05/2016 16:52

Unsolicited? Hmm sounds highly unlikely

Becky546 · 05/05/2016 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 05/05/2016 17:15

The trouble with tackling her is you don't know what's going on, so if you phoned and said, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" and she said he'd asked her to send photos etc, then you would be caught on the back foot. Tackle him - say you know something's going on and he's got this one chance to tell you about it.

I'm so sorry - it's a horrible experience.

Flowers
loveyoutothemoon · 05/05/2016 17:21

She might be texting him as well.

Jan45 · 05/05/2016 17:25

Oh please, this is the result of a two way conversation that's obviously sexual, either that or she is off her head, I know which one I'd believe.

Waltermittythesequel · 05/05/2016 17:27

There's no way these are unsolicited messages.

What made you look?

Original poster
deutschland83 · 05/05/2016 18:34

I spotted his phone getting messages, multiple ones overnight when he is asleep.

He was reading his whatsapp's one day and I saw her name (I didn't recognise it).

Just home from work, shattered and choking back the tears after all of your thoughts.

OP posts:
Slowdecrease · 05/05/2016 18:49

Are you sure he's not just deleting his replies? Well that's a moot question actually as you can't be sure because they wont be there but it seems unlikely she's sending stuff unsolicited. At the very least there should be a response from your DH telling her to f* off because he's married! But nothing at all? Nope.

EDisFunny · 05/05/2016 18:52

Flowers nothing to add except I feel for what you are going through

Waltermittythesequel · 05/05/2016 18:56

I'm sorry deutsch it must be devestating.

What are you going to do?

cozietoesie · 05/05/2016 18:59

How long has this been going on for?

AnyFucker · 05/05/2016 18:59

Are you going to speak to him about it, love ?

missybct · 05/05/2016 19:00

As upsetting as this is, it may be innocuous but the only way you're going to find out is if you question him. And this is a worthy situation of questioning.

As other posters have said, anybody who can use a mobile phone will have the ability to recognise how to delete a message, so the fact his aren't appearing means nothing. I would want to know why he's not questioned this woman about her out of work behaviour.

soapydopeybubbles · 05/05/2016 19:01

Deep breath OP, you need to find out exactly what is going on here.

Explain to your DH that you have looked at his phone and tell him exactly what you've seen. Ask him if he's already told her to get lost and, if he hasn't, ask him to do so.

Try not to think about the worst and don't make any accusations unless you feel that he is being less than honest with you.

Flowers Let us know how you get on and if you need any more help.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2016 19:02

Don't you see, love. The fact there is no reaction to the messages makes it more likely he has been deleting his replies ?

Slowdecrease · 05/05/2016 19:04

I'd be tempted to not mention I'd seen his phone. I'd be more likely to frame it like "DH, I know what's going on at work, tell me what you think should happen now and don't even try to deny it, I've known for weeks."

Let him hang himself.

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