Am I right to text this woman?

[deutschland83]

Work colleague of DHs, unsolicited messages on his phone. Late night texts when's she's out. Latest is a picture of underwear laid out.

I want to tell her to fuck off.

Should I?

He doesn't know I have seen them.

Yes, he has the book and I ordered the not just friends one.

The underwear shot was her doing, he says it just appeared completely unprompted. He told her at the time it was not ok but I don't believe a word of that or 'it just turned up'. A straw poll of 300 MN's tells me different.

I have no idea how to address her behaviour as well. I want to explode at both of them. Why is that not acceptable?

The blame was entirely laid on me bring stressed, ill and floored with all sorts last year. He's been told to read the book and go fuck himself if he ever says that again.

The blame is his.

I got pissed last night with a big group of friends. Felt great. I'm better than a shitty bunch of lame whatsapp's, dull texts and photos. It's pretty sad looking at it from the outside. I can't believe that's what's he's put our relationship in turmoil for.

I don't understand why people do stuff like that. Just leave or address it in your marriage. If this was reversed and I saw him go through 2015 like I did - I would spend my time loving him harder.

I dealt with a lump, a police investigation, a bereavement and a multinational project at work last year. He's texting some married frump from work who's probably going to cave the second it gets off the page.

Really??? It's worth risking me turfing your arse out for that???

Good for you, deutchland, you sound like a wonderful woman and he is a weak tosser.
It must be infuriating that he is still pleading innocence.

Exactly. Bloody selfish idiot. He needs to take full ownership of his behaviour- absolutely none of this is on you. He needs to do everything in his power to make this work if YOU want it to.

Wow you have the balance of power now - you know your immense worth - you will not be blamed or allow this to be minimised.

You will be fine - you are in control. Get angry, feel hurt, demand, scream shout if you want to. You are entitled to, as he has demolished your trust, marriage and family - but you are strong.

You know you are the better person. He knows what he has to do. Ball is in his court. He should be thrilled that someone as amazing as you has given him the opportunity to repent , restore and rebuild. I hope that he sees this this for all your sakes. But be on him like a hawk, make sure he does not pay lip service and that he sustains it indefinitely.

Deutschland just wanted to say, you're amazing.

I've been where u are and that was nearly 4 years ago.
I'm not saying it was easy but we managed to resume our marriage with the help of counselling .
Massive hugs xxx

A large cup of //your choice for everyone on this thread that's thinking of me, wishing me well and sharing to help me through this.

I wish you all the very best of its happened to you and don't wish it on anyone who hasn't.

You're all fab and I appreciate it. I hope such support is shown to anyone that reaches out on here x

If not of x

You went through SO much when you really needed love and support, and your shallow and selfish husband (that's being kind - he's a complete wanker) does that to you.
Words fail me, so god only knows how you must be feeling. Whatever happens, I wish you happiness and strength.

We're urging you forward Deutschland

I think you are amazing op

I also think you are being so so brave.
I couldn't work on a relationship with no trust.
Life is too short.
But many choose to and this is perfectly fine.
It's the harder path by far and I admire anyone willing to do it.
I really hope he steps up his game and tries to 'prove' himself, over and over again to regain your trust.
Good luck to you!