Spring has sprung and the sap is rising! It's Dating Thread 104

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

thanks pisssssssedofff - thats made me feel much better. Its obvious really.

I wonder if anyone can advise me. I broke up with ex over 2 weeks ago. I told him he needed to stop texting me all the time and that I wouldn't be meeting him "once last time" - but he still keeps texting me, saying he misses me and loves me etc.

Is this normal behaviour? Its starting to worry me.

He says he respects my decision - but surely this is not respect, him texting me all the time.

I don't want to be horrible to him but I wish he would stop. What do I do???

OhChrist you really are! There is no norm. I've found that each person has their own style. I'm like you, I tend to reply immediately.
However, Doofus will sometimes take bloody hours! But he always has. Conversations can be slow but I know he'll respond eventually. And he messages consistently, will usually say good morning and check in during the day etc. So in general, I am happy with the communication, though I'll definitely suggest phone calls at some point.

Sorry, am waffling! The thing to look out for is a change in communication style. So, a tailing off of messages, or where you'd normally get good morning/goodnight texts and they stop, or a general change of tone...those are the things that would worry me, especially when also combined with a change of activity on WhatsApp (this is what tipped me off to problems with Bacon...see the start of this thread!)

Really good signs that he was in touch the morning after your date though and has already asked about another one. Sounds like he's just a slow messager and you might just need to adjust your expectations with him a bit...

Tanya Good for you for giving CM another go. I think there's too much there to not try.

Lost Welcome! You sound very comfortable with your situation, I hope it works out for you.

Starskey Great news re third date! Have you got the fourth confirmed yet?

Lana Thank you for the reverse image search. I used it and found out that an old iron (that I hold a massive, massive torch for) is actually married. It's MrEloquent for thread regulars. It's actually really thrown me. He was always my "one that got away". Always said he was an IDWAR for various reasons but I held out hope he'd come round. I spent ages trying to find out stuff about him but had minimal details to go on. However, the reverse image search linked to his Twitter account. Turns out he's in a band and actually has a massive web presence, which ironically and annoyingly has made me like him even more as I love his music and he comes across as being as funny, interesting and clever as I thought he was in his messages. And also fucking married.

I'm toying with the idea of confronting him on it but not yet. As I said, this has really thrown me and I've been a bit messed up the past few days so I'm going to focus on sorting my head out and obviously Doofus, who remains as sweet and lovely as ever.

Thanks for the advice Freaky :)

I faced my fear and spoke to him on the phone yesterday - but that was only because we were arranging where to meet and I knew it was going to be factual and short. So at least I've got that out of the way eh! Its all very positive to be fair - I just need to adapt to his texting style.

Sorry I can't really comment / advise on anyone else...I am still getting to grips with you all and your different stories.

Freaky - could he be separated? So still married but not together with the wife??

I strongly suspect still actually married unfortunately OhChrist though I think (hope?!) that when we first got talking last October he could have been telling the truth about being recently separated. It did all have the ring of truth then
But there have been recent Twitter posts that definitely indicate he's married. And as of yesterday (deleted my account then) he was still on Tinder, and as of beginning of May he was sending me smutty messages. Git.

Freaky, you're right. It was a bit of an epiphany on Saturday when I was out with Bookkeeper, that I missed CM horribly, and it was so nice and unforced being in his company. He's a bit cautious of me now, understandably, because I have blown hot and cold so much, but does want to try because he liked me from the start. Seeing each other on Sunday, actually can't wait.

Damn Eloquent, why do these men always think the grass is going to be greener. Glad things are lovely with Doofus though.

OhChrist, yep, you are definitely overthinking. A couple of hours is timely for some men to respond. The overthinking is natural, and eases off slightly as your skin becomes thicker through the process, but never goes away!

After my date with Bookkeeper, CM asked me if I had been out with friends. I considered lying but didn't. He was a bit gutted, but we talked it through and understands why I have got spooked. Will take some time to get his trust back that I am genuine about him, but I think it will work out ok.

Aw bless CM, Tanya! He does sound lovely. And there's a lot to be said for being easy in someone's company. That's how it is with Doofus, there's no awkwardness or anything, we're just chilled. It is nice.

Am I the only person the reverse imagine search doesn't work for ? I've tried it on a guy that frankly I've either hit the jackpot with or is the next Alan Bradly - coronation street reference for those too young - but nothing at all ! He has Facebook and Instagram though.

I must have used the app wrong because it just brought up pics of random guys on it??? Are you supposed to click on the pic while it's still on the www? Is that where I went wrong???

If it gets no hits on the actual photo, it gives you suggested hits, hence the random photos.
No results are good though! I only got one hit for Doofus which is for his LinkedIn profile, proving he is exactly who he says he is.

Thanks!

I am comfortable with the current situation. I never thought I'd be comfortable with long distance but I love my own space so much that it's ok for now. I am a little it freaked out by how comfortable I am though. I'm so used to shit hitting the fan that I find myself wondering when it's all going to go tits up! Need to stay positive though, he's not done anything remotely red flag-esq yet

Okay. It's been 11hrs since he last text. I suggested a place for second date. And nothing.

That not just me being paranoid is it? That's not right surely .

I have a night off being mum tomorrow. I was going to suggest meeting him but I think I'll arrange something with one of the others!

ohchristnotagain I think 11 hours is too long, but then again I've been known to read a message then forget to reply as I'm caught up with something else.
I think you should make other plans to be on the safe side :(

Thank you for confirming. If he hasn't completely ghosted me, I'm still unhappy with the level of communication anyway so maybe I will just let this one go.

I have two options now! Let's call them ITguy and tattooguy. ITguy is more my type I think. I might just text him now to see if he's free

Also, should I ask last night's date if he's had a change of heart, or just leave it? I hate not knowing. At least if he told me either way I could just move on. Or would I sound like a complete desperate loser if I text him??

ohchristnotagain I wouldn't text him again to ask if he's had a change of heart. It's sooo hard not knowing but no response is a response. You'd feel even worse if you asked and he still blanked you. Maybe just leave it and see if he does contact you. Least you have others to distract you!

Okay. I know you're right. I'll leave well alone. Thank you for the advice and just being here. This is all new to me and I guess this is where I grow a thick skin!

He's text. Asking me when I am free for a second date.

What do I do??????

Well he still txt the same day didn't he? So I'd go with it??

Go on a second date to keep your options open! It's best not getting focused on one person early in the dating process. We've all done it and ended up in major angst!

New thread created as this one is nearly full

Hello everybody! Not much to update from me with Leicester as it's still going very well I feel legitimately allowed to be smitten now!

Lana it's always a good idea to do stalking before dates to check men are vaguely who they say they are. Urgh what an arsehole! And Freaky - MrEloquent !!

Ohchrist that all sounds really positive, he obviously wants to see you again even though there was a delay in replies.

tanya I'm very pleased to hear about your CM update, it's giving me a warm feeling it's well worth just letting it develop naturally. It sounds like you have trusted your instincts.

starskey good news for you with your dates .

I will update more on the new thread but just wanted to pop in quickly