Spring has sprung and the sap is rising! It's Dating Thread 104

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Hello, can I join please?

New to online dating, joined POF last week. Had A LOT of duds, have blocked a few.

Have arranged a date with one guy, he seems like a sound bloke. He texts every day but I am so used to continual texting throughout the day (with my ex) that I find I am waiting by the phone, urging it to ping. I feel like such a saddo. How do I stop this!! Its pathetic. I know I shouldn't be getting so excited about one person but...I am.

There are 2 other guys I am chatting to too - both nice but one lives too far away, and the other just isn't as good a prospect. So...guy No 1 is the one I am focusing on.

So nervous about Sunday (our date) - what to wear, what to say. Any advice for the nerves??

I am going to try and read the full thread now - but at 926 pages its rather daunting!

Welcome OhChrist!

The key to not getting hooked and constantly checking your phone is to stay busy. Have other irons to chat to and consider dating, which it sounds like you have. Also concentrate on building your Amazing Life. Make plans with friends, exercise etc. It sounds obvious and corny but it is the best way. I have unfortunately neglected myself this last week as I've been busy with other things, and it's beginning to show. I'm tired, irritable and I've done no exercise . I need to get back on it after this weekend.

Not much to report from me, my next date with Leicester is a week away...trying to be patient but I can't complain, he phones me nearly every day and it's so good to meet a man who is a steady communicator.

What I'm not sure about POF and whether it's free or not. I have used OKC before but deleted it after 12hrs I found the pleading messages from very unattractive me off putting!

I found tinder the best as I like the fact it's free, simple and men can't send you a message unless you've both liked each other.

*men not me

Thanks drfox loaded tinder yesterday and have several conversations on the go throughout the day. So will persevere with the best of them.

ohchrist don't obsess talk to more people and get yourself out or leave your phone on silent in another room. I do this quite often it's great and if they do text you you don't look desperate by replying straight away.

scarf awe you poor thing, massive hugs your way xxx

But you did the right thing, and you know you did, by him and you. It hurts now but you'll bounce back. Xxx

At least you'd the decency to let him know, unlike some who'd have played him for longer.

I didn't know that about tinder, that you can only get messages if it's mutual..... May give it a go if it doesn't work out with new guy.

Aww Scarf, sorry you're feeling rubbish but you've done the right thing.

Foxtrot, I don't think it will ever be long-term with CM, mostly because the difference in our life experiences, but he is so great to be around and we are very close.

Anyway. Date with bookkeeper tonight. Was looking unlikely as eldest was very sick last night, but seems to have got it out her system.

Thank you for the advice. Duly noted!

Scarf, I was in a similar situation with my ex. I broke it off and he was gutted. It's horrible he's still texting me and wants to meet one last time. I told him I don't think it's a good idea. I don't know what do you think?

Also this new guy, the first one on my list, wanted to call me late last night. I told him I was about to go to sleep. The real reason though is because talking on the phone terrifies me. I don't like it anyway I get so nervous. But with someone I've never met!? My blood runs cold! If he calls today I'll have to answer won't I?? Any tips on what on earth I will say and how not to be so nervous?

Just a quickie as I am on phone at DS'S football but wanted to say oh Christ welcome and with OLD you should never feel like you have to do something that you are not comfortable with and that includes talking on the phone. It would give me the heebie jeebies too! Fine with someone I have met but a complete stranger....nope! You can either just tell him that or just be unavailable to talk. Have you made plans to meet?

Thanks freaky. We plan to meet tomorrow at 4.30. Think I'll just be unavailabl to talk today. Well I am pretty much unavailable today anyway so that's good! Also just weighed myself for the first time in yonks and I've put on a whopping 11lb in the last 6 months. This is not helping my nerves. I feel like a fat mess! Going shopping now so hopefully will find something to wear for tomorrow.

Oh, that good! It's a good sign that he wants to talk to you I think but you really don't have to.
What are you doing for your first date? There's a great Matthew Hussey video on YouTube about first dates. It's all fairly common sense stuff but well worth a view.
You might also find it helpful to consider this a "zeroith" date rather than 1st date...you are just meeting to suss each other out and see if there is a spark. It helps lower expectations.
I hope you find a fab outfit!

3rd Doofus date tonight! He's driving over and we're having drinks and dinner. He's such a sweetheart. Had a small wobble earlier in the week as his messages went quiet but turned out he was just busy. Other than that, lots of messages, has said he's excited about seeing me tonight. All good! Well, apart from the fact that we might not be able to meet up next weekend as planned but trying not to stress too much about that...

www.telegraph.co.uk/wellbeing/graham-nortons-advice/dear-graham-norton-is-being-single-in-your-40s-socially-acceptab/

Sounds like Graham has been reading our most recent posts!

Yey Freaky have a lovely date with Doofus

Off on zeroth date with bookkeeper, I'm very nervous, and running late, but he's lining up a drink for me, so that's a great start!

If they sound too good to be true erm .... What are the Red flags with od would you say ?

He popped up on my fb people you may know. So I Googled him. Bad idea. He is high flying (I had an inclination but he played his career down) and now I feel all inferior!! Gah. Stupid Google.

Good luck Tanya!

Yey tanya sounds like you're off to a good start - good luck!!

In an unexpected turn of events I had to cancel my date for this evening after finding out he was married! You couldn't make it up - I reverse searched his pictures (it was on Tinder so didn't expect it would work!) and up popped his real name and a link to his very recent wedding photos and the company he runs...with his wife!!

Am feeling rather fed-up of dating at the moment

OMG!
Awful.

...how do you do the reverse image search thing? Seems essential.... poor you

Oh lana that's awful. Well done you. Did you tell him you knew ?

How did you do the reverse search thing sounds like a handy tip to know!

Thank you HandyWoman

I did a screenshot on my phone and used this website ctrlq.org/google/images/ I was surprised it worked to be honest!

To compound matters I then managed to accidentally managed to phone(!!) one of my other irons on Whatsapp, fortunately he didn't pick-up and I messaged to say it was a mistake but I can't reply to his reply as I told him I was going out tonight and don't want to look like I have no exciting Saturday night plans

I think I'm going to have another G&T and keep away from Tinder and Whatsapp for a while!

Thanks whatam1doing I didn't tell him, I just said I'd changed my plans and didn't want to meet, he'd probably got enough info from our chats to search me out online and find my full name, where I work etc. if he wanted to and I figured I'd rather not have anything more to do with him. I didn't want to contact his wife for the same reason...