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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Spring has sprung and the sap is rising! It's Dating Thread 104

997 replies

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/05/2016 10:45

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP
OP posts:
TrafficJunkie · 04/05/2016 20:15

hahah. Ballsy or crazy!? Fine line!

314PrettySweetMamaJammer · 04/05/2016 20:25

Are you on OKcupid jollyx?

HandyWoman · 04/05/2016 21:00

Good luck to Freaky

Thinking of you...

muddlingalongquitenicely · 04/05/2016 21:03

Hope it goes ok Freaky

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/05/2016 21:06

He's not answering....I will give it 5 mins and call again.
Then he is getting Wrath of Freaky by message

OP posts:
314PrettySweetMamaJammer · 04/05/2016 21:07

Yupp.

He is a shabby article.

314PrettySweetMamaJammer · 04/05/2016 21:17

omg traffic I would have read the thread if I'd known that was you! Go for it.

A plumber /neighbour I met in my town was really nice. I asked him to fix a small job because I fancied him and thought there was a spark between us. He fixed problem 1 and then caused a much more serious problem, a flood. Rubbish plumber. Nice guy.

He successfully attended to a damp patch Grin Blush hashtag LOL. He was not outgoing enough for me at all, shy but talkative one to one, and had lots to say. shy but not dull. 8 years younger than me, no kids, :-( so different stages. But he didn't come out with rationalised intellectualised BULLSHIT. He didn't call a dog a cat. {breath}

I hope the plumber finds a woman before his dog dies or he'll be a mess!

314PrettySweetMamaJammer · 04/05/2016 21:21

Thinking of you Freaky

Spring has sprung and the sap is rising! It's Dating Thread 104
TooSassy · 04/05/2016 21:26

freaky I have uber respect for you. Fair play on following through on the phone call and challenging him to actually rationalise his shitty behaviour. 314 was so spot on in her earlier post around some peoples ability to rationalise utterly shitty behaviour. Whether you get any answers or not. I salute you.

handy so so happy for you. We need you and waving on this thread! Please don't leave!

reddish my one advice is do whatever you need to do to get closure and have no regrets. If that means you leave the door open and tell her how you feel, then do so. There is zero shame in being that upfront and honest about your feelings. But you deliver that message with no expectation/ burden and wish her well in her life. Then you absolutely move on. Be aware that she may well reappear eventually. Tends to happen when people have had a knock back elsewhere.

My non date tonight was a date. WinkConfusedWe have similar interests but very different personalities. Ball is in his court to follow up. If something bubbles up, great. If not, fine. Proof of one thing. Irons in RL are around! Grin

HandyWoman · 04/05/2016 21:27

Hahaha 314 brilliant Wink

tanyadm · 04/05/2016 21:39

Handy - thrilled for you! That's what it's all about, all this angsting and searching, for someone who makes you that happy. Hooray!

CurlyMuso and I have decided what film we're seeing for our third date if date two goes well. The flirting level is ridiculous, but so fun.

TooSassy · 04/05/2016 21:47

. Is freaky on the call with bacon????

My iron has followed up post date. I may like this one. Shocker. May now need to name him.

314PrettySweetMamaJammer · 04/05/2016 21:53

That's good to know Sassy. I've my eye out in the real world still.

muddlingalongquitenicely · 04/05/2016 21:58

2nd date with marvel iron arranged for next Monday Sad was hoping for a bit sooner but i have prior party plans for this saturday

HandyWoman · 04/05/2016 21:59

That's a good non-date-update, it sounds like he needs a name Smile

Freaky and Bacon are chatting I think. That's good. Good for Freaky

314PrettySweetMamaJammer · 04/05/2016 22:02

Yes good. Glad they're talking. I hope he feels bad and I hope Freaky gets some answers that help make sense of it, somehow.

HandyWoman · 04/05/2016 22:07

That's very good muddling for second date, excellent - have you guys made a plan for where to go?

TrafficJunkie · 04/05/2016 22:14

Boooo. Supermarket man replied to my message and reassured me it was fine to contact him. He said he was flattered and thank you for the offer but is seeing someone. I'm a little bit upset because you have really no idea how beautiful he is but also how lovely he comes across. :) but never mind. At least he was stellar about it. It's nice to be treated well.

Datingbarb · 04/05/2016 22:17

Just checked Tinder, POF & OKC, lots of new messages but none I have any intrest in returning..... 1 56 year old who looks more 70 Confused 4 idiots who use "u" & "wiv" instead of you and with and called me Hun at least 3 times and a 22 year old who wants to bang me as I'm a fucking milf apprently!

Haven't heard from the tinder guy since first thing this morning but then again wasn't really expecting to as he is at his granddad furneral today.... Did wonder if I should send a message before I go to bed just saying I hope today went ok etc.... Or shall I leave it until tomorrow??

Datingbarb · 04/05/2016 22:19

Oh and I'm trying my hardest to catch up and try and figure out whos who and what going on with everyone else dates on this thread to, though think I may have missed some back story

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/05/2016 22:22

Well, you were all right. He is, in fact, a massive shit.

He was very cold to start off with, saying he'd just been mulling things over and decided that he didn't want a relationship. So, I said I didn't understand as I thought things were going so well and what had changed. But he couldn't/wouldn't say much more than that. Said the lack of messaging last week was just due to being busy at work (his phone was switched off during the day) and denied any change of tone..just said he couldn't fake a mood.He seems to have spent a whole week wrapped up in his own head, trying to figure stuff out, came to the conclusion that he didn't want a relationship and that was that.
So, I got angry. Really quite angry and said he hadn't considered my feelings at all. I said did he not consider that after we'd had sex, I might feel rejected etc and he said no. I reminded him of the conversation we had prior to sex and that he must knew what it meant to me. I also said that I wasn't sure if anything he'd ever said to me was true, which he took massive offence too. So he starts getting angry with me, saying that I'm talking to him like a 4 year old, which makes me even more angry. I said that sending me that text last night was fairly shitty and he could have at least called. But apparently he didn't think of that.
His attitude was very much that I was being unreasonable to call him on this, he'd done nothing wrong at all. I told him that I hadn't intended to phone up to have a go at him but I was just so shocked and hurt by his reaction. Apparently I was making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up...and I wasn't shouting or screaming just talking in an angry tone.
Eventually he hung and immediately blocked me on WhatsApp

I'm just reeling. And shaking. It's honestly like he was two different people. That kind, clever, funny, charming guy is just gone and this cold, uncaring twat is what's left. I feel so stupid for getting sucked in but he was so charming. I'm looking back for red flags and honestly I can't see many, other than the charm and the future faking. And his being so much on his own, no friends or family round him and minimal interests...that always worried me.

Anyway here endeth the saga of Freaky and Bacon. What a fucking rollercoaster ride that was! I'm just so sad. Up until this point, I hadn't met any gits on OLD, just guys I hadn't really clicked with, or it didn't work for one reason or another but this is just a whole other level.

Sorry for the delay in updating. Been talking (ranting!) with my bestie who thinks I should take a break from OLD and she's probably right.

This is going to hurt like a motherfucker in the morning. Sad

OP posts:
TrafficJunkie · 04/05/2016 22:26

:( oh no. It sounds like a lucky escape though to be honest.

It will suck for a bit. Maybe a break from OLD is a good thing. But having said that, it's not OLD - it's Bacon that was the problem. He was a drop in the ocean of what's out there.

TigsytheTiger · 04/05/2016 22:26

Oh Freaky that properly sucks. I think his reaction on the phone and the defensive cold attitude along with the hanging up and blocking is guilt. He knows he behaved badly and didn't like having it pointed out.

It has to be a bullet dodged albeit a painful one. Hugs to you.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/05/2016 22:28

Sorry, I have more!
I gave him the benefit of the doubt all last week and even today, when 314 was being very wise and I was all like "nooo, I'm sure he's a nice guy really"
Well, he's not.
I am a lovely, trusting, kind person and he took advantage of that and then got narky when he was called on that.
But the impression of me that he is going to take away is not of that lovely, trusting, kind person...he thinks I'm some screaming harpy that was being out of order for calling him on his crappy behaviour. He was still convinced that he'd done nothing wrong!
How dare he turn this round on me?! He's another fucking cowardly man that can't talk about his feelings so just runs away. ARSEHOLE!

OP posts:
314PrettySweetMamaJammer · 04/05/2016 22:30

Wow, he is a shit.

He must REMEMBER the conversation where you told him you didn't want to have sex if it wasn't in the context of a relationship. The least he could have done was to have apologised for being so fickle and hurting you but instead he was defensive and called you a four year old!

OMG but that's classic male behaviour, they are always defensive when they feel guilty.

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