Spring has sprung and the sap is rising! It's Dating Thread 104

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Much wisdom in your last couple of posts, 314, if I may say so.

Although I was a bit worried by I will eat my chateau, no my trousseau if he comes back to me!. I'd start with your chapeau, if I were you!

I know what you mean Freaky!! i sometimes feel I could do my own Amy YOung series, give seminars in Florida myself but that the real problem is that society has swung too far towards meeting men's needs. And I don't want to be reprimanded here, not suggesting that women don't like sex but they tend to like it more in the context of a relationship and men seem to be able to get so much sex without being in a relationship that there are few men out there motivated to be in a relationship. Especially when you have the place holder relationship and so on and on and on...........

But ............... onwards and upwards.
I should wait til I get home to read the rest of TheRave's message shouldn't I? I do think he sounds promising but I don't want to bite his arm off!

Scarlet, thank you, my french is rubbish!! I did mean HAT!!!!

314 LOVE your artful handling of MaybeMarried. Although the lengths some men will go to to bag a woman are not to be underestimated....

So I can't see Twix til next Tues as our kiddy weekends are out of synch for a few more weeks. Just thinking about him is super nice though

Waves to all, and apologies for the me post but so much to catch up on!

Just dropping in to say I have a date tonight with a new iron. Not given him a name yet as all the recent events on here coupled with my own rubbish experiences of OLD so far have made me feel really jaded and just meh about the whole thing. Ill go along to this zeroith date, with no expectations and see how it goes but I'm pretty much going to be on the "taking a prolonged break" bench if it's anything other than amazing! Just back on the what shall I wear train as it's warm now but probably chilly in the evening? We're going into town for drinks, he did ask me out for a meal but no way on a zeroith date

No news from Mr Electric. Bad workmanship at the very least!
Does anyone know if anyone's ever met off Mumsnet and started dating? I was just thinking, seeing as there's a few men on these threads reddish, bant whether a romance has ever bloomed?! 😁

Last I think that's actually a really healthy attitude to a first date. But I'm sorry if my recent experiences have put you off! That's the first really horrible thing that's happened to me in over 18 months of OLD (on and off) Before that I either met people that I just didn't click with or who were unavailble for whatever reason, but upfront about it.

Traffic No dating the thread! Not sure about the rest of MN though, I suppose it's possible that people have "met" here and hit it off.

Argh! I just re-read my messages to MrEloquent last night and realised that I used "your" instead of "you're". THE SHAME! And him an English teacher too. I really want to text to correct but will not...I hope he knows that I was just

Scarlet for you Freaky!

SO, mr eloquent is really nice but does that thing of stating he doesn't want a relationship and then ignoring all the usual boundaries between an acquaintance and a relationship??

Careful.

To be fair to him, he's always said he's an IDWAR but I contacted him on Tuesday and then Superliked him on Tinder yesterday. He's not pursued me AT ALL. Although he did then message me on Tinder...hmmm...
And it was nice getting some sweet messages yesterday when I was feeling down but I know it must be left there now. Just a bloody shame that I put a clanking great grammatical error in my last message!

Yes, leave it there.
This is the ball park of my learning curve.
You can think you know where you are with a self-declared IDWAR (and it is better that they tell you) but if they tell you and then carry on acting really affectionately ............... It's good that he hasn't been in touch.

trafficjunkie I think that question about dating within the thread is a bit of a sore subject as it's happened before and all went a bit tits up I believe!

freaky it's nice to have a willing sender if lovely flattering and sweet messages when you need them in mrEloquent as long as you keep a distance emotionally to protect yourself, could be a nice confidence boost

314 you're proactive "messaging May" seems to be going well, I reckon they will all turn into dates on the same week just to confuse and busy you!

I'm wearing flats tonight for my date as even though we're going out on the town, and I always do heels on a first date, it's warm enough for sandals and it goes with my outfit. And I'm not following the "rules" anymore 😉

i've got new rules now lastname . I'll chat to whoever on line perhaps, treat it like a forum to chat, be less serious about the messaging. I used to send out these carefully crafted sensitive, witty diplomatic replies and the conversations would all die a death anyway. But from now on, I don't pay the babysitter & leave the house all dressed up to the nines unless:

• they are in their 40s and have a child
• or they have communicated successfully and plausibly that they accept that that ship has sailed

And no more wasting my own time to go and meet:
men in their 30s no matter how well I click with them on line,
no more IDWARS in their 40s deluding myself that it's ok, ''i need male friends too''.

Yes I do need more male friends but if you meet them on line they push for a relationship, or they push for sex. Or if you like them, they run a mile. So yeh, maybe I do need more male friends but finding them on line is not the place.

last your attitude to dating is great, it's about being realistic. That said I hope you have a good time tonight, particularly if you are thinking of taking a break.

There was one really creepy guy on the thread a few threads ago. he was in his 60s and he'd always helpfully suggest we went for older men. he wasn't really in the same boat as us, he hadn't even tried to date. He was really old fashioned but would often ofter up the male perspective as though he were the ambassador for men. he was dreadful. he sent loads of women pmS. i was so relieved when MN got rid of him off the thread.

Ew, 314 he sounds creepy. I wonder how many men are reading this thread for tips/kicks?

I feel weirdly relieved now. It's so nice not staring at my phone, checking read receipts and waiting for some dickhead to respond. I've a few matches on Tinder but I'm not going to chase, they can contact me if they're up to it. I'll keep on Tinder for distraction for now I think but not bother with anything else for a little bit. Lick my wounds and let the stocks on PoF and OKC refresh.

314 how old are you again? I can't remember! I'm also in my 40's and had all my kids so my list should read pretty much like yours EXCEPT I just don't fancy men my age! They look so old and there lies my problem perhaps? The date tonight is in his late 30's and I'm 44

2nd date is monday though if he keeps telling me how nice it is outside in the sun while im stuck in a windowless office... I have already told him its easy to go off people lol

I know what you mean about the relief, Freaky

You may succumb to a delayed emotional reaction tomorrow of course. I have virtual Kleenex ready just in case. But very happy to hear you feel relieved today. Tinder in the background for distraction sounds great.

Mwah for you!!

Ooh second date Monday for muddling

I'm 45.

I know a lot of people think this but I genuinely feel I ''click'' better with younger men than with older men BUT they often don't have kids (yet) .
Men, suitable men, with children, in their forties with a child, I find it difficult to get the conversation to last.

It seems easier to chat to men in their 30s. But those guys would stay up half the night chatting, then ask you why you can't meet for lunch on saturday :-P 'cos I've kids'' It can never work out.

One man I went out with ages ago, 2 years ago, we had an argument on our date. he was older than me with DC. He and his x wife bth had the same job and when she stepped out to raise their dc, that was later reflected in the judge's division of their pensions. he was bitching and smarting over that on our date and i pointed out to him that he had a sense of entitlement to bring dc in to the world without it harming his career, but that he would have been comfortable with her taking all of that 'hit' to her pension and that that was sexism. he'd no answer but he kept shaking his head. we argued over it for like 15 minutes!! I said that they were an economic unit then and that they didn't have to pay childminding expenses, but if they had, they'd have taken the financial hit then. they took it later. Can't have it both ways. I find it a lot with men my age and a few years older with dc. they're all so cautious, picky, and sexist but have a very high bar for women.

Much easier to 'click' with a guy in his 30s who is just meandering through life. BUT obviously that is not going to work out. so I can chat to these 30 somethings on line but Iam not going to go and meet any of them.

Does he have a child lastnickname That makes a big difference I think.

some of these older child free guys, as old as 49 even! They're still naive enough to think they're going to start their fairy tale family, so they're only killimg time with you.

I know lastname fancy so few men my own age. I'm trying to be ''sensible''. Or what I believe is sensible.

Yes 314 he has a 5 year old and my little boy is 3. I absolutely hear you on all your points and agree wholeheartedly but I just cannot fancy a man I'm his mid 40's! Lord knows I've tried and looked enough. I'm 44 but am lucky enough to look a fair bit younger. I just only seem to find mid to late 30's attractive, so about 5-9 years younger. Is that awful? Am I a cradle snatcher or just deluded?

Thank you i thought it was just me and older men in their later 40s marvel guy is 39 3 years younger tgan me and his messages are just so more relaxed.
A 46 year old messaged me on tuesday and said he would chat yesterday night sent a message about 5.30 but i was food shopping replied when i got home said sorry just sat down had to do food shop he replied food shop... how fun having a bath might talk later

314 I think half the problem is for me that my age bracket is just so small!

I'm 36 but really not intrested in younger men in the slightest maybe a year or so would be ok but for some reason I really don't want to go out with a man in his 20's or very early 30's.

Im also finding I don't really fancy men over 40/41 ish they all just seem so old and haggered, either that or they are claiming to be 41 when more 50

Ideally I think I need to meet someone with kids seeing as I have 4.

So all that doesn't give me much to work with seeing as I also appear to be very very fussy, I hate any selfie, kid pictures, topless/pant shots, God even there clothes or the way they are standing can put me night off

Jesus there is no hope for me is there!?