DRY 12

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

Old thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2584735-DRY-11?

The thread for people who want to kick the booze

Thank you! Several 'at risk' times. My colleague has just asked if I am coming to the pub for lunch. I'm trying to convince myself that I will be able to have a coke but previous experience tells me I won't so I think I'll go for a walk instead. Then tonight I am due to meet friends who will be drinking. God, I'm going to have to become a hermit aren't I. I didn't exactly pick the best day to start this, but is there ever a good day? I was also going to make this my last day of smoking, as it is a lot easier not to smoke when I am not drinking, but I think I'll tackle the drinking first.
4 we can count the days together. We can do it

The welcome has been great - Thanks!

I haven't had a drink for 16 hours and 4 minutes - not that I'm counting

I had to do some difficult work this morning - my mum and my sister died last year, and I'm the only one left, and I had to sit down this morning with death certs and probate grants of rep, and get stuff off to the bank.

I've been putting it off for so long because it hurts. Going back to the death certificate feels like being punched in the gob. I don't do painful feelings. I want to run screaming to the fridge with a corkscrew.

I have finished the paperwork, it is ready to go and I have walked the dog 🐶. I need a concrete step away from the house, so I'm going to go to the outdoor swimming pool.

I think I need to put one foot in front of the other. That's my plan for today. I have a loose plan in the garden when I get back, and tonight exhusband is coming round to have a family summit meeting about Ds1's A level work ( or lack of )

I'm babbling, but it's nice to check in - Thanks!

Ooh - cross posted - Ripley - we can do it!!

Can't post a long reply as I'm rushing out the door, but Ripley yes sounds like a good idea to skip lunch. You won't have to be a hermit for long I promise but in the very early days avoidance is as good as anything.

4 well done!!

Welcome Ripley and 4. You CAN do this... absolutely you can even if you have a high tolerance for alcohol. You see, you have to have to have a lot of determination, resilience and perserverance to have that so you can use those skills in the opposite manner and turn it around. That's a promise . If you really want it, you can.
Lots of people recommend reading Jason Vale's book or Allen Carr's and a fab blog to read is Lucy's who posts regularly on the thread. ahangoverfreelife.com/

Another great blog is mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.co.uk/
Lots of back reading on both of those to do.

Me and a couple of others also recommend downloading Andrew Johnson's "Quit Drinking" app......(hides from Absolutebeginner cos she thinks I'm on commission but I'm not)

I've been AF since 28th December and seriously, even I'm still surprised when I type or say that, such was my talent and commitment to drinking to oblivion.

Good luck both of you and post regularly

Hi ripley and welcome. I agree that avoidance in the very early days is a good idea. Or drive. Or if you HAVE to go, plan in advance what you will drink ( and what your back up preference is), arrive late and LEAVE early, have excuses ready so you are not bulldozed into accepting a drink. its much harder once the drink is in your hand !

also, Try, if you can, to look at the decision as one to embrace sobriety/ a positive step into a healthier, happier and more productive life, Free from anxiety/ shame and self loathing associated with excess drinking. Look at the decision like this rather than 'giving up' alcohol..

4, that sound very hard. I am sorry for your losses.

howbad its a shame your H couldn't engage before hand, perhaps he is belatedly realising what he has to lose... you will still need to talk to one another to move forward ?

Lily - I know. I have no idea how to make that happen.
Whether we stay together or separate, attitudes of righteous indignation, or blame, or resentment will be completely useless - in terms of communication, that's historically the block. Everything turns into "but YOU did THIS to ME!" - and the conversation is over. (even if not angry or acrimonious, P will not - will physically not - hear about things that he does that negatively impact me - he will cause all kinds of upset in the name of stopping that conversation)

If we separate, I have no interest (ok, very little interest) in trying to make him understand how his behaviour has negatively impacted me over the years. So if he disagrees that we need to separate, it will be a difficult conversation because how do you answer "why?" - everything isn't fine, but how can I say that in a way that is possible for him to hear?

If we do not separate, thing have to change. Again - how can I say what things, in a way that would be possible for him to hear?
I know he may well think that I have to change too. If I were interested in staying together, I would be interested in hearing what isn't working for him, or what I could do about it, but I would not be interested in framing the whole thing as being about me being a difficult terrible person. Which is what he does. And if I agree to a, b, c, d, e, f, that is wrong with me - thinking that we can work through his list first, so that eventually we can get to w, x, y, z and I can say things I would like him not to do, or do differently - it doesn't work, because my accepting a, b, etc has only justified him in his view that everything is about me being a bit shit

Welcome Ripley cancel tonight or drive and come home early to bed. You will experience some or all of the following over the next few weeks, tired, irritable, constipated, headaches, sleepless nights, famished, emotional, scared.

Don't be worried about these symptoms as they mean the alcohol is leaving your body and you are on the way to getting where you want to be.

The good news is after a couple of weeks you will probably experience some of these symptoms too, happy, weight loss, better skin, brighter eyes, more engaged with your loved ones, a sense of achievement.

So do everything you can to get to the good stuff because it is so worth it

Thanks Fuzzy there is a lot to think about and a lot to lose. I am convinced that if I can get 6 months under my belt I will do anything to protect it.

Well done 4, not long to go until you hit the 24 hour mark. And sorry for your losses, that's a lot to deal with.

And thank you all for the welcome. Looks like I have plenty of reading to do. The good news is that I survived lunchtime in the pub. I had an orange juice and lemonade and it was lovely. However I know from past experience (yes, I've been here many times before) that the first couple of days are actually pretty easy for me. Then I will convince myself that I have proved I can do it, go out for one drink, get talked into a couple and bam, six pints later and I'm back to square one.

I am going to take your advice and give tonight a miss though. I'll take the dog for a long walk instead then have an early night with a good book and a herbal tea.

Can't wait for the weight loss and better skin, MatronLittle, I look minging at the moment and desperately need to do something in time for summer.

Well done Ripley that is a very good start!

It was always day 3 that got me too. I think by then the hangover has worn off; the memories of whatever horrors you experienced with your last drink have receded a bit; and the alcohol level in your blood is all-but at 0... so the little addict voice starts shouting louder & louder, just when you are forgetting just how bad you felt to start with! Hang in there, it may get harder before it gets easier, but get easier it does, I promise.

Oh, and I can tell you I look nothing short of gorgeous now, after a year dry . Well, who knows really, but my self-esteem is through the roof (can you tell?!), I am fitter, slimmer, happier, richer and healthier! Not bad eh?!

Ooh - well done this lunchtime Ripley 😁 and I think the plan to take the dog 🐶 out is good too!fresh air and exercise!

I went to the outdoor pool and the sun went in! The water was quite cold too, but it was nice to feel the air and water on my skin. I'm going to read for a bit then take the dog 🐶 out again.

I've downloaded sober tool, which looks quite good. Particularly as I have spent the last few years being a drunken tool!

It has been a hard couple of years, and I wish I could say that I drank because of it. But I didn't - I was drinking before it all kicked off and carried on afterwards.

Not feeling too bad. Slightly anxious and on edge - like I'm waiting for something to happen - eek!

Welcome Ripley & 4apocalyptic - so sorry to hear about your bereavements
Matron thanks for the blog name check :)
Well at approaching 1000 days sober I must be almost supermodel-esque [wink.] Right now I wished I lived near Likea so I could run with her club - sounds ace!
Howbad would he hear it through a mediator - say if you went to Relate?

Oops apologies that should have been thank you to Likea for the blog name check and no worries Matron for the prop up last night

So great to see so many new posters doing well :)

Hello everyone, welcome to Ripley and 4!

Had a weird day today, just felt totally meh. At least this is better than yesterday when my PMT, combined with someone's inconsiderate parking, left me apoplectic with rage, screaming like a banshee, and then muttering to myself for several hours. Really need to do something about these moods, before I end up stabbing someone in the eye with a keyring or something. Any ideas? I've read Agnus Castus is quite good, anyone tried it?

Hello everyone - wow this thread moves fast!

ripley and 4 welcome - you can do this. There are some great recommendations for reading (spent the early phase reading everything I could find and it really helps for motivation and understanding what's happening. LOVE sober mummy!).

Really good advice here is to be KIND to yourself as well - if you feel that something is too much to cope with in the early stages, opt out if you can and if not have a strategy - plan what you'll drink/decide on the excuses you want to make and if need be have someone who can give you an "emergency phone call" so you can escape.

I am really tired and work is very busy so currently struggling with that a bit - it's definitely one of my triggers. Have had tea and cake as my treat instead.

Oh - and have loved reading about you brilliant runners. Did run 5.3 of the C25k today (at 6 am round the park) and am going to do the race for life next month. That helps with feeling positive, too - could never have managed this with a hangover.

Sorry I haven't name checked you all but have read your posts and am thinking of you.

Shall I start a new thread ?

Good idea lily :)

I'll just post some random stuff to fill up the thread! Anyone seen the on Youtube? It'll give you a giggle although it's a bit sweary so wear earphones to listen around small people! :)

Ok, let's have some sober positives :)

Feeling generally calmer, coping better
Thinner :)
Sleep. Lovely restful sleep.zzzzzzzz
Not worrying about awful things you might have done/said/put on Facebook :(
Self esteem improved
Saving money and buying nice things with it.
Time. To do constructive things.

koko!

Link to the new thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2639657-DRY-13?msgid=61125075#61125075

Awesome thank you! :)

Come join the sober warriors ---->