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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DRY 12

999 replies

HowBadIsThisPlease · 01/05/2016 20:12

Old thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2584735-DRY-11?

The thread for people who want to kick the booze

OP posts:
BadCarrot · 02/05/2016 12:45

Can I join you? I drink most evenings at least half and sometimes a whole bottle of wine. DP & I did Dry January and I felt so much better for it but since then the drinking has crept back to where it has been for much of the last 25 years.

DP also drinks too much and if one of us fancies a drink the other says OK and then we don't stop at one or two. I never drink alone, I think I see it as a sociable thing to do with DP/ family/ friends. It's a treat, a reward after a stressful day etc.

Has anyone any advice on how to stop saying yes if someone offers me a drink?!

HowBadIsThisPlease · 02/05/2016 12:46

How are you feeling Matron? Do you have anything nice today that can distract you from your jitters and paranoia? Do you have anyone you can talk to who was there last night who can talk you down? I am sure it wasn't that bad. Although it feels horrible, I know

OP posts:
HowBadIsThisPlease · 02/05/2016 12:47

Hello BadCarrot, x-posted. Welcome.

OP posts:
Boodles84 · 02/05/2016 12:50

I came in here for a good old whinge but feel silly now. howbad you are not shit! I'm so sorry you feel like this at the moment, it's not ok to be pushed around and you don't deserve it. I agree with matron maybe WA can be a form if support for you at this time. Please rake care of yourself. Flowers

MatronLittle · 02/05/2016 12:52

Howbad tbh I'm more worried about you than last night. Please take care. X

I have had a month of regrets, some minor some humiliating others painful. Same old story. There is only one cure and that's sobriety.

Welcome badcarrot the posters here have loads of good tips for refusing drinks. Alternative treats help me get through.

HowBadIsThisPlease · 02/05/2016 12:55

I just can't face WA or anyone. there are only two possible forms of advice which are put up with it (or put up with him for now) or leave him. I am too exhausted and depressed to see how I can manage either. I feel like I need my job my girls and my house and everything else is just crap that goes with needing those things. I can't see anything there that I can afford to lose and so I can't see anything that I can afford to change. I/m not a person with a crap partner who can get rid of him and everything will be ok, I am a crap person who turns everything to shit so what can I do about that? nothing

OP posts:
Boodles84 · 02/05/2016 12:55

Hi badcarrot welcome. Take your own alcohol free drinks with you if you go to a friends or for he short term decline due to driving, antibiotics, etc etc just to get you over the initial few weeks. X

MatronLittle · 02/05/2016 13:59

Hi Jojo I've just had a read of the posts I missed. Thank you so much for encouraging me back Smile

I have difficulty slipping then getting straight back on the wagon. A slip is a relapse for me.

It is interesting how my posts changed to reflect my mood as I was drawing closer to drinking again. I absolutely convinced myself that I did not identify or belong here.

lilybetsy · 02/05/2016 14:00

howbad your post really revels how low and sad you are... You do NOT deserve to be pushed - no one does. You really sound like you need a break.

You. Are . NOT. shit.

Re read please. You are NOT SHIT. You are tired, stressed, unhappy and struggling. This makes you vulnerable and anxious . You have a stressful and unhappy relationship with your partner that is eroding your self esteem still further.

You can't deal with all of this at once. No one can. You need to ask for help with the bits that can be helped. First you need to take care of yourself, so go for that swim, sauna , bit of time out,... Doing this sober thing is hard work but if you could keep sober I am sure some of your courage and self esteem would come back...

Flowers for you toady💐💐💐🌻🌺🌸🌼🌷🌷

HowBadIsThisPlease · 02/05/2016 14:15

Matron I saw you doing that, you decided that this wasn't the place for you and no

Thank you Lily

There is a pattern, that I always end up alone. my sister used to always take the cousins or other children and organise them to exclude me. Days with other children always started with me trying to join in, then me being excluded, then me giving up and going off alone, and then actually trying to hide from them while they searched for me to torment me long after I had given up on being actually included, then me eventually freaking out and doing something officially naughty like crying or tantrumming or properly hiding, and being viciously told off by my mum.

P takes the children away from me. He wants to take them, he thinks I am bad for them. Before I had children I had a dream that I had a baby and my sister took it away because she said I couldn't look after it with my work. I cried and said "how do you know? You didn't even let me try." now I feel like my work is making me bad at being a mother and P is using that to take the dcs away from me. It is like the dream is coming true. I often think that I was set up for this controlling dynamic by my sister, but I didn't recognise any of this till it was too late.

I am always on my own and always crying. I am really bad at life. Maybe I do just try too hard. Sometimes I look around and see a lot of people chilling and doing fine. They're usually men though. It's hard for women to get by unless they work really hard.

OP posts:
HowBadIsThisPlease · 02/05/2016 14:15

there's a bit missing - Matron - no one wanted you to leave (is what I was trying to say)

OP posts:
MatronLittle · 02/05/2016 14:31

Howbad have you been to the GP? Would be good to rule out any health issues that might be compounding your feelings of worthlessness.

Have you had your swim? I'm going to get dressed and take a walk. lets get moving. Report back later and let me know how you go on x

MatronLittle · 02/05/2016 14:31

Get on

Rosewinehunt71 · 02/05/2016 14:37

Hi all hope you're all ok on BH Monday? xx so completed day 1 AF but feeling confused today although proud of my achievement downloaded Allen Carr's easy way to control Alcohol but half of way thru almost he says not to stop drinking until I've read the entire book!! Anyone else read this book? Did u keep drinking? Sending love to you all FlowersCake

jojomo · 02/05/2016 15:00

So glad to see you matron! Onwards and upwards eh?

rose I have read the Allen Carr book and yes he does say that but as you have a day AF under your belt, I think it would be better to keep going sober, the book will still be a useful read.

howbad I feel for you so much, you sound exhausted and overwhelmed. You are NOT shit - your partner, on the other hand, does sound shit if I may so! It is NOT acceptable for him to physically push you. I also think you should speak to your gp, perhaps you would benefit from some anti depressants to help you cope in the short term and then make some clear headed decisions about how to proceed.

As matron said are there any other health issues that may be making things worse for you - I know that my own anxiety and self esteem issues are affected by hormonal contraception methods e.g the mirena coil. Perhaps you are the same? You must look after yourself now and there will be a way forward.

MatronLittle · 02/05/2016 15:19

Yoo Hoo!!! at jojo I am releived to be back. Drinking is complicated and exhausting.

lilybetsy · 02/05/2016 15:23

Hi badcarrot and welcome. I think having decided what you will say when someone offers you a drink is the first step "no thanks, I'm driving" is always ok ; or "no thanks, I've got a really early start tomorrow" sounds plausible and avoids questions. Have an idea of what You WOULD like - bring your own if necessary ... It gets easier as the days stack up ...

Until you get knocked sideways by temptation you were not expecting ....

Just keep going. Write a list of the reasons you decided not t drink ... And keep it handy for when/ if your resolution wavers...

lilybetsy · 02/05/2016 15:23

matron welcome back xxx

MatronLittle · 02/05/2016 15:25

Thanks lily Smile

Rosewinehunt71 · 02/05/2016 15:28

So now I'm crying my unsureness re the drinking whilst reading sounded too good and I've just got back from the shop!! So now iv undone yesterday's good work 😞 And feel like a pray for thinking it would be OK! How stupid am I?!! Excuses excuses 😡

jojomo · 02/05/2016 15:44

Oh rose...don't panic. I can't advise you to finish the alcohol that you have bought whilst reading the book (although I know that is what he says) because it can so easily lead to another and another. Try, if you can, to pour it away and nip this in the bud. Perhaps find another distraction activity for today rather than reading that book - there are lots of blogs e.g. mummywasasecretdrinker that will inspire you. Or get out for a walk. Or have a bath. Or go to the cinema. Anything to distract yourself.

MatronLittle · 02/05/2016 15:57

rose yesterday was the beginning you are still finding your way. Pour the booze away and crack on.

I have cocked up my hard earned progress so many times and can honestly say that not stopping immediately and having more drink is the hard way forward. Flowers

Lucy2610 · 02/05/2016 16:48

Matron! so lovely to see you :)
Howbad I used to volunteer as a Samaritan and they are a fantastic listening service - you could give them a call Flowers

Lucy2610 · 02/05/2016 16:55

Welcome Badcarrot too :)

MatronLittle · 02/05/2016 17:07

Thanks lucy Smile
I have dragged my poisoned body out for a walk. My belly is all budgie again and it swells from under my bust. Just 2 weeks of abstenance sorts that out so that's something to look forward to.

Carbs and self loathing for dinner.