Matron I saw you doing that, you decided that this wasn't the place for you and no
Thank you Lily
There is a pattern, that I always end up alone. my sister used to always take the cousins or other children and organise them to exclude me. Days with other children always started with me trying to join in, then me being excluded, then me giving up and going off alone, and then actually trying to hide from them while they searched for me to torment me long after I had given up on being actually included, then me eventually freaking out and doing something officially naughty like crying or tantrumming or properly hiding, and being viciously told off by my mum.
P takes the children away from me. He wants to take them, he thinks I am bad for them. Before I had children I had a dream that I had a baby and my sister took it away because she said I couldn't look after it with my work. I cried and said "how do you know? You didn't even let me try." now I feel like my work is making me bad at being a mother and P is using that to take the dcs away from me. It is like the dream is coming true. I often think that I was set up for this controlling dynamic by my sister, but I didn't recognise any of this till it was too late.
I am always on my own and always crying. I am really bad at life. Maybe I do just try too hard. Sometimes I look around and see a lot of people chilling and doing fine. They're usually men though. It's hard for women to get by unless they work really hard.