Am I just the 'OW' and don't realise it?

[kathymyskies]

I'm a first time poster and could do with some advice. From reading MN I think I'm opening myself up to a lot of criticism, but maybe I need that, I don't know.

I'm 29. I've been seeing a man who is 52 for the last 10 months. We meet every lunch time (work in different places but same city). We go home together, sometimes meet for breakfast, have dinner or coffee every evening. We've never had sex but have been intimate. We love each other. He's married but hasn't been intimate with his wife for 7 years and sleep in different parts to the house on his wife's request. I'm a secret because of his two kids. In a year, his youngest goes to university and him and his wife have already discussed splitting at that point and are together for the kids.

I have had a blunt conversation with him about 'us.' What we are etc. He said he'd marry me but couldn't give me what I wanted, and that if I was happy with having maybe 15 'good' years with him, then he'd be with me. He also says if I ever want to stop meeting and spending time together, he will accept that instantly but will always be there for me.

I feel so confused. He claims to not want to be open about us because of his kids and that his wife wouldnt obviously stay living with him if she knew he was seeing me..which would then disrupt the kids. He says in a year it will change. I then ask why would she care if you both say the marriage has been over for 7 years anyway? I've said to him that anyone would tell me that he was taking me for a ride. He then shows me texts and so on that prove his points (they could be fake but i don't believe they are as the first time we had the chat he got his phone out to show me so couldnt have prepared them).

I also feel confused because i would hands down marry him in weeks were the situation different and he was younger. I've been on dates since I started seeing him, mainly because there's no real future with him. But I love this man and it sounds like such a cliche I know.

Feel confused as to how to handle the whole thing and it;s come to a head this morning when I just knew I needed some advice. Please help me get my head together on this...I'm such a strong, decisive person in other areas of life!

The most effective way to deal with Adultery is to flee from it. Like Joseph in the Bible.
Sometimes people need the help of wise and helpful friends for emotional support too.

Op, do you have many female friends ?

I think you could get a lot of what he offer by bolstering your female friendships

Look into that. Unless you ditched them to take up with the married man ?

Thanks for the replies. I'm doing what I can and don't intend on continuing with it. I've blocked his number and told him. He contacts me by all methods though, so it's possible he may contact again.

I wanted advice on his behaviour and what was going on here. I've had that, and whilst I appreciate ongoing support, I'm able to deal with how to cut him off now I've made that decision.

Yes I have friends and they all know about him. I think the situation wasn't how some of you have interpreted it. I really did believe him and that's the part people seem to not get. Fair enough but it's not exactly helpful!

I think the situation wasn't how some of you have interpreted it. I really did believe him and that's the part people seem to not get. Fair enough but it's not exactly helpful!

There are lots of people on this board who have been in his wife's situation and been very hurt because of it. Everybody here brings their own experiences to the advice they give. Most people have some valuable things to say, but obviously nobody truly knows what has gone on from your perspective apart from you.

I hope you have found the advice helpful overall. i am sure you are doing the right thing. Just remember the toughest part is not deciding to cut him off or even cutting him off to begin with - it is staying strong when you feel weak and when he tried to be emotionally manipulative.

For what it's worth, I think you have shown how strong you are. I really think you will be OK.

God, girl, get out while you can!

29?! You have your whole life still to live. Why waste it on someone who won't even be honest with you....
Really...

Sex or no sex (haven't read the thread), he is yanking (wanking) your chain. ...only to keep you hanging on, while he lives his life. 52? disgusting man. Using you to play you off with his wife.

You need to get wise to these types of men.

Best present you can give yourself is to get independent of these type of men. What is it in your life that makes you go for this? Time to
"wake up and smell the coffee".

Good for you for posting here cos you will soon "wake up" with MN.

P.S.

Did his wife tell you they haven't had sex for 7 years? Yea right.

Had a friend who said the same till the wife phoned up and told her she was pregnant, and had a 12 year-old too...

Get the hell out while you can!
He's an asshole basically.

How would you like your future partner to treat you like that?